AIBU to fancy the pants off a serial killer?

[kelliebrookexoxo]

Okay please forgive me for the slightly shocking title but it sets the tone for the predicament that I have gotten myself in to. So, on Thursday night, I settled down to the second episode of the new series of The Fall, cuppa tea and Dairy Milk in hand ;) Half way through I posted a FB status, (Facebook here we go, I know!) saying that Jamie Dornan could kill me anyday! And that he was a sexy serial killer. Obviously, this was a joke and I do not infact want Jamie Dornan nor anyone for that matter to kill me... ever. However, a lady (in her thirties) whom I'd only met a few days before at a friend's birthday dinner took offence to my status and left the comment 'Oh dear. What a silly thing to say! Think before you press send'. I promptly deleted the status very embarrassed and so as to make sure none of my friends could publicly defend my little comment or indeed so that no one else could criticise it! I private messaged her, saying 'Sorry, I didn't mean to cause offence. Have deleted the post xx'. No reply. Now I am kind of angry with myself for apologising in the first place and not defending myself. What do you think? Was my status inappropriate or was she out of line?

Kellie
xoxo

Well it was stupid and not funny just like your thread title. Do you like saying things just to get reactions from people?

LadyLuck10 Tbh, yes. It is just my sense of humour!

I'm going to have to google Jamie Dorman now. I know who he is, I just like googling him

everything these days is apparently triggering. IMO the word triggering is vastly overused, and while of course certain things are of course deeply emotive we seem to have entered a whole new era where people cry "trigger" to justify not liking something.

If this was a documentary about a murderer and the op was writing that she fancied him/that he could kill her any day then of course the comment would be offensive given that the murderer being talked about will have actually killed people.

But this was a tv programme. it is there for our entertainment, the murderer in question here never existed, nobody died, the actor is apparently fit (I have no idea)

I agree with WannaBe. How on earth could such an obvious and brief joke be 'triggering'?

For those of you who haven't seen the programme...

They were joking about him on Alan Carr (sp?) last weekend. Alan Carr was making a similar type of joke. I can't quite remember what he said but it was similar to the OPs comment. Did anyone else see it?

I think she's being ridiculous.

I agree with Wannabe that everything is 'triggering' these days and being offended seems to be 'the done thing'.

It should have been obvious to anyone reading it that you weren't being serious.

I hope you have deleted her on FB?

LuluBrush really? Will have to check it out. Would be interesting to know how many complaints Ofcom received.

She sounds like hard work. Yes, your post was a bit silly (I didn't think it was funny in the slightest). But your response was good. She might have been very upset by it, or she might just be a pain in the arse. Either way, you did the right thing (just in case she found it genuinely upsetting).

The only thing I would think is it could be a dodgy thing to put on the internet as there are a few wierdos out there. but it was quite obviously a joke.

I wonder if she thought you meant a real life serial killer.?

I think you did the tight thing to delete and just move on now.

It was a joke you made on your own FB timeline - don't let people who can't handle a joke censor you. Maybe that woman tried to be funny too, but missed the mark? I've seen worse FB statuses. Besides, anyone who hasn't been in a cave for the last 5 years should know you were merely complimenting his looks.

Jeez, I would NOT have apologized to some holier than thou so and so...If she is offended by you then she has the option to hide your posts/remove you from her list!. Your joke was in slightly poor taste but to dress you down on that publically! I would have the rage with that

I have tackled racial remarks made by FB friends when particularly provoked into doing so, I have sent Private messages to people I know well if they have perhaps said or sone something that is provoking others but I would never dress down, I just delete them.

I think she overreacted tbh.

I expected to open this thread and see 'Phwoar that Ted Bundy was fit!' and think YABU but to find it's a TV Character in a show it's entirely reasonable to me.
I'm the first to admit my sense of humour is perhaps a bit left field but friends know that, I'm afraid if she'd commented something like that on my FB she's be blocked and deleted before you could say 'Jamie Dornan'.

I don't think she over reacted. I think it is in very bad taste. As well as not funny.

I think it wouldn't be so bad if he was a more "cartoonish" serial killer, but as it is The Fall depicts graphic sexual violence against women. Unfortunately facebook posts like the one you made just add to the misogynist view that all women are gagging for it (and want to be raped and murdered???) - obviously you meant it as a joke but scarily some men won't take it that way.

It's a dark joke and fb isn't really the place for it but it's harmless. Personally I think Hannibal's methods and visuals are far more sophisticated.

I think it's the kind of joke to make when you know your audience - which on Facebook you don't really if you've got a wide circle of barely-acquaintances on there. It's not the sort of thing you'd shout across a crowded room.

Firstly some random you met at a friends house isn't a friend, so why accept people who aren't friends, especially if you intend to be open and yourself on fb?

You were fancying a tv actor not a murderer on death row, it was a joke.

Either be careful who you friend or what you say.
Personally I like freedom of speech so hardly have any fb friends

I'm sorry if I used the word 'triggering' in the wrong way- what I meant was it could trigger a panic attack or anxiety or similar.

As my name suggests I suffer from anxiety, and while the contents of your post wouldn't affect me too badly as my anxieties are more centred around sickness/hospitals/cancer etc than death. It's not that I 'don't like' or am offended by certain things, but they provoke a strong physical anxiety reaction.

I can imagine that if someone had anxieties around death, or had experience of a family member being murdered or similar, then your 'joke' might not just be upsetting or distasteful to them, it could trigger a panic attack like some things do for me.

I also missed the fact that the murderer is fictional- I don't watch much TV so hadn't heard of 'The Fall', so probably reacted more strongly because of that.

OP I do still think that the lady's comment was mild though- if you did have somebody who had experienced the murder of somebody close to them on your friends list (and it's quite possible do without knowing it, seeing as you accept friend requests from people you have only met once), I wouldn't blame them for deleting you and/or posting a much stronger message!

Is it that strange that I accepted her friend request? It is true that I only met her once but as she is a close friend of a close friend it is very likely that I will see her again; and wouldn't it be a tad socially awkward if I had ignored or declined her request. Of course, it will most definitely me awkward when I next see her.

What gets me is that her time was rather condescending.
My perspective is I love murder mysteries shows and I use Facebook lots. However a good friend's very close relative was raped and murdered earlier this year, given this I'd avoid mentioning the subject in a trivial way on facebook. Tbh, if this lady had a problem - she could have been direct and courteous and maybe then you would feel more willing to be empathetic.

People get offended by a lot less on Facebook, I would delete her and continue as you please and you know your current audience expects.

Her tone! Sorry for typos :(