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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do I do, other mums!

37 replies

Mmolly2013 · 24/11/2014 19:11

My baby is 3 months old we have just started baby swimming classes. We are joining a few other baby classea in the next month or so.

All the mums are so friendly and every week we chat away but they all seem to have their own mummy friends away from these classes and arent interested to perhaps make a new friend like me.

The swimming centre is getting all done up so the cafe is out of bounds so I cant even say fancy a coffee after.

How do I make frienda I feel.so isolated. My partner is fantastic but I would like to meet some mums for coffees days etc.

Any tips/help would be appreciated

OP posts:
QTPie · 24/11/2014 19:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

OwlinaTree · 24/11/2014 19:16

Try lots of groups. Local playgroups, try your library, breastfeeding support groups.

It takes a bit of time ime. Keep being friendly and chatting. Asking people for advice is a good way to get chatting.

3 months in is still early days, well done for getting organised enough to join a group! Good luck, I hope you are successful.

MirandaGoshawk · 24/11/2014 19:16

It takes time to get into these things. Doubtless other people are feeling the same as you. I felt isolated too. You will meet lots of other mums through playgroup etc. and will not feel a connection with many of them - after all, all you might have in common with these people is that you have children. However, there will be one or two that you feel a connection with, and then you have to bite the bullet and ask them back to yours, or to meet you in town another day, etc.

Good luck!

vanessalightyear · 24/11/2014 19:16

Surestart centres are very good, there might be some groups specifically for first time mums which you could meet people at. Don't panic, 3 months is still quite little and lots of people might only just be venturing out to the groups etc.

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 24/11/2014 19:20

I have to go private and pay for any classes I do so I cant even go to the sure start classes.

I will give it some time and maybe get the courage to see if anyone wanted to do lunch after the nex class maybe.

OP posts:
Wotsitsareafterme · 24/11/2014 19:22

Keep going to groups and keep trying. I found it v hard but i cracked it when dc1 was 9 months. I'm
Still best friends with about 5 other families from one baby group and dc1 is thick as thieves with their kids. Apart from that one group I met other v close friends through water babies - one was the instructor Grin

aermingers · 24/11/2014 19:24

Baby groups are really good for this.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 24/11/2014 19:24

Lots of mums meet other mums at nct and all do groups in the early days, are you going back to work,as that is when they all get separated and they socialsise again.

toddler groups are good and most have baby play places.

Dovahkiin · 24/11/2014 19:25

I find the local FB pages really useful - my local one, 'xxx Mums' is full of mums asking if anyone fancies meeting up at a local play cafe etc at a particular time. We've all been there :)

Flingingmelon · 24/11/2014 19:37

If you're concerned about costs you could try the local church. I'm not religious but I met lots of lovely people (including the vicar) and it was virtually free, just a donation for lunch.

Also, I don't know your circs but a lot of the sure start babygroups are council funded and their funding depends on keeping up their numbers. Our local one was desperate for new people to come and they didn't charge a penny.

Nanny0gg · 24/11/2014 19:46

Our Sure Start took everyone! It was just a mum and baby/toddler group. Our churches here run them too. Usually very friendly. Don't just look for baby groups - toddler groups are welcoming too.

dylsmimi · 24/11/2014 19:50

Most children centres want to increase numbers so are normally happy for people to attend
does the local library run anything? I found the short 30min singing session there was just the right time to see if anyone wanted a coffee/walk round the park
give it time - you will soon see the same faces out and about and go from a smile to a chat to friends :)

Lizardc · 24/11/2014 19:57

Keep going and keep trying! It takes time to make friends. My ds2 is 2.5, we've done baby swimming since 4 weeks old, and have just got around to arranging coffee with one of the girls I have chatted to all that time! Obviously it doesn't always take that long, but you do have to keep trying with it.. Good luck!

fedupbutfine · 24/11/2014 20:04

I have to go private and pay for any classes I do so I cant even go to the sure start classes

you have to pay for classes? most baby activities are paying activities, including simple playgroups in churches....and surestart is not just for people who can't/won't/don't pay for baby activities. I'm not sure if I understand what you're getting at?

ghostyslovesheep · 24/11/2014 20:15

you HAVE to pay for sure starts you know!

I met my big gang when I had DD3 - through baby signing and baby yoga - at Sure Start - our youngest are now almost 6 and we meet up lots, go camping at least twice a year and I love the bones of them - also have mates from when I had the other 2

Join as much as you can and join in - have fun

wigglylines · 24/11/2014 20:22

I've never made any friends at groups. When we moved to a new town, I made friends by meeting mums via the local boards on mumsnet and netmums. I met quite a few people and found two great friends that way, one from mumsnet and one from netmums! (I never use netmums for chat, but it's worth checking out both websites if you want to meet people IME).

It's kind of like dating. Only more coffee and cake, and no expectation of romance!

TattyDevine · 24/11/2014 20:31

Hang in there!

When your child starts school you will have so many mum-friends you will have to start being choosy, trust me (that's what happened to me anyway, so much going on socially!)

That's a long way off but I am certain you will hook up with like mindeds along the way. In fact you only need one or two decent friends to feel like you have the ball rolling x

NickyEds · 24/11/2014 20:40

I think I thought that Sure Start weren't for everyone when I was pregnant but they really are! You do have to pay but it's usually very reasonable (£1/2) and I've met loads of friends through baby massage/yoga/signing there. I found classes easier than groups as it was always the same little group. Have you asked any of the Mums for their Facebook names (I knew several mums but no second names)? It's sometimes easier to break the ice and become a "group" via fb. I found that once we'd got a fb conversation going we just kept arranging to meet.
It can be tricky as it's quite rare to make new friends as grown ups but it helps to remember that everyone's in the same boat. When you say that they all seem to have other friends, they might be thinking the same about you!

Rarastar · 24/11/2014 20:50

Where in the country are you OP? I'm in Nottinghamshire and in a very similar boat!

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 24/11/2014 21:51

Ill speak to my health visitor when she comes again. When she first came put I asked about sure start she simply stated you arent entitled to sure start and then gave me a leaflet with private classes on it. Im from Ireland. I did give her a funny look though because its like excluding people.

I wasnt getting at anything

OP posts:
AliMonkey · 24/11/2014 22:00

If you are willing to attend a group at a church (and most have little or no Christian content at the weekday baby/toddler groups) then you will usually find fairly regular attendees and they may run other activities you could get involved in, eg we run two "normal" toddler groups, one more explicitly Christian toddler group, a group for under ones only and parenting courses - plus of course the usual Sunday activities and stuff for older children. A good group will be run by people who explicitly look out for new people and do some introductions.

Did you not though do any antenatal classes? We all exchanged details and it was lifeline in the first few months (and some who didn't go back to work continued meeting for years).

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 24/11/2014 22:02

It can be tough. If you give an idea where in the country you are ,people might have specific recommendations?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 24/11/2014 22:08

Do you have a community centre nearby? There might be a baby and toddler group there.

Original poster
Mmolly2013 · 24/11/2014 22:11

my antenatal classes were chaotic rushed and people kept to themselves.

thanks everyone for the suggestions ill do some research for classes and just give it time Smile

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 24/11/2014 22:38

not all surestarts charge! None of the groups i tried when dd was newborn did.

Mmolly i would bypass your HV and ring your local surestart centre or look to see if they have a website as most do even if only linked through your local county council one. There may be certain support like creche services that you aren't entitled to but i believe the ethos for surestart is that it is accessibly for everyone regardless of their financial situation.

But in the meantime perceiver, I do a private class and it took a fair few weeks for people to settle in and feel comfortable chatting. We are a very close group of friends now and regularly meet up for coffee and play dates.