What do I do, other mums!

[Mmolly2013]

My baby is 3 months old we have just started baby swimming classes. We are joining a few other baby classea in the next month or so.

All the mums are so friendly and every week we chat away but they all seem to have their own mummy friends away from these classes and arent interested to perhaps make a new friend like me.

The swimming centre is getting all done up so the cafe is out of bounds so I cant even say fancy a coffee after.

How do I make frienda I feel.so isolated. My partner is fantastic but I would like to meet some mums for coffees days etc.

Any tips/help would be appreciated

OP do you mind me asking where your from? My Ds is 4 months and I was in the same position as you but have recently met lots of other lovley mums in my area. If your close to me you are more than welcome to tag along on our meet ups. (I'm in the south btw)

Playgroups can be great - (I have never found them cliquey).
I think swimming is a difficult one to gel with people at - the activity takes up all the time and then at the end you are so busy sorting yourself and LO out - not a natural place to make friends imo unless you are all hanging out for a bit in the pool
Our NCT has a list of all the parent and child activities in the area (which are plentiful)
For me antenatal classes were where I met lots of people - but th emaking friends bit only happened when I bit the bullet and invited 3 of them for lunch at my house - they came, and we (and our kids) are still really close 10 years later. I think it takes time and a bit of bravery.

Just keep going, pick two or three groups that you like and keep going. Talk to people who are on their own as it easier than trying to initiate conversation to a group.

Sometimes it works out and people want to meet up sometimes it doesn't, but if they don't it doesn't mean what you are doing is wrong.

Fwiw my ds did baby swimming for 2 years and honestly they were one of the most unfriendly group of people I've met, whereas the playgroups mum i found friendlier the more I went

Hi OP

I know it's a bit unmumsnet but the only good thing I found about this other site was the local meet a mums bit where I met some lovely mummy friends when mine were tiny.

hth

I tend to make some almighty faux pas. Like an embarrassing anal sex joke whilst groping for conversation. Sorts the wheat from the chaff.

My friend runs an outside Baby playgroup (think nature and kicking leaves) in Southwell if you are near there. It's held in the gardens but it's not religious. They made crowns out of leaves. It's country chic.

I found my 'group' from NCT, preggo yoga and more recently post baby, the free NCT coffee mornings. You just rock up and chat and buy a coffee. We also go to a church hall playgroup but it's not religious in the slightest....I think they just hire the hall and it's £2 for unlimited tea and biscuits for a couple of hours.

Personally I'd not be interested in activities after swimming as I'd be cold and wanting to go home, dry my hair, shower and warm up having got DD changed and ready as quickly as possible! I'd say that's more because of the type of activity.

I'd avoid "classes" if what you want is to chat with people. There's much more opportunity for that at a toddler or mum and baby group.

Try the notice board at your village hall or church - groups like that often advertise there. They won't have leaflets as printing them is expensive. Yes you have to pay, but it's a couple of quid and gets you coffee and biscuits.

And ifthe first one you try is awful, just try another one. The first toddler group I went to, very nervous, 6 month old baby, I sat down in a free seat and said hello and the woman in the next chair said "my friend's sitting there." So I moved to sit on my own. Nobody else spoke to me the entire session. I never went back. But the church group couldn't have been more different - I still have friends I made there and my daughter's now at uni.

Also remember your baby is still very small, and lots of people with three months old aren't really much beyond the getting out the house stage

My childrens centre runs an amazing baby group with messy play and all sorts. I only found it when I was trying to get dd2 weighed. I let her stay and play and other mums were quite chatty. I'm a bit past all that now bit I remember thinking I would have loved it when dd1 was a baby.
My HV with dd1 pleaded with me to try latch on groups but I was v confused about the purpose of them so I didn't go when dd1 was little but ended up running one later on. I'm still close friends with a lot of my mums from my bf group too

I wouldn't have thought being from Ireland (EU citizen) would stop you qualifying from help from sure start? Maybe it's dependent on family income in your area?

One things I did which worked quite well was to find a local baby massage practitioner in the local area and then invite the mums I had been chatting to and found to be nice and friendly to come to my house to be taught. Then they stayed for coffee etc after the session. Being on my own home turf helped with confidence too iykwim. Might that be something you could do?

the adults dont get their hair wet as the pool is shallow and its the babies that go under. Also after the activity all the babys seem tp go into deep sleeps so perfect opportunity to grab a coffee but it is awkward with the changing room rush. I think the sure start is outside my cachement area.

im just quite keen to make the most of my maternity leave and for me and the baby to be out more

thanks for all the suggestions