To think this woman was bloody rude!

[extremepie]

Had a woman ask to come round today in a professional capacity (long story which I can't be arsed to explain). She called me about half an hour before the actual time she wanted to come and when I said that it might be better a different day,, since I was out at the time, she said she could only come today so I agreed for her to come over today.

When we walked in she asked where I was before I got back (as I turned up slightly late), which I was a bit embarrassed about as I am a bit very chubby and had been at the gym.

Told her where I had been and she looked around the front room with distain at the pile of clean clothes on the sofa waiting to be sorted and put away and said 'well don't you think you would have been better off getting exercise sorting this mess out'! I was

Aibu to think that was really out of order for her to say and none of her fucking business a) where I was before I got there and b) how I choose to leave my clean washing?

Rude bitch, not sure why but it really upset me :( Feeling very oversensitive at the moment :/

Fairenuff, she phoned when I was at the gym saying 'can I come round today at X time' and when I said another day would be more convenient (since I was out) she said she couldn't do another day so I agreed.

She's a type of children's 'advocate', she's there to gather the dc's opinions on things & present them in a 'family group conference'. Dc's weren't even there at the time of her visit.

I have to see someone from that team but don't know if it necessarily has to be her. I would really prefer to not deal with her again.

She said something along the lines of 'well sorry but I'm always honest, you'll get what I really think' as if that's an excuse to insult people?

She made herself feel important and good by making you feel like shit.
Complain.

People who need official support need support, not criticism. Three children are dead because officials felt they knew best .

Not saying this is relevant to your case but it is pertinent to remember that these people in their official capacity do not own you.

Does she have to come to your house or could your next meeting be at her offices or somewhere else?

well sorry but I'm always honest, you'll get what I really think

Only rude cunts say something like she said and then try to pass it off with that kind of comment.

I repeat, tell her or her boss or whoever exactly why you won't have her in your house again.

And phrase it like that: not 'I'd rather not see her' but 'I will not have her in my house again.' She can go and be honest somewhere else.

Not sure if she had to be at my house, I can't meet at her offices though, she works about 30 miles away & I can't get there :?

I hate people who say "oh I am really honest" and think that's a perfectly fine excuse to be horribly rude. Bitch. Honestly, I would request to deal with someone else and, if you are asked why, I would not hesitate to tell them the reason.

well sorry but I'm always honest, you'll get what I really think' as if that's an excuse to insult people?

That's good, I would have told her she was a rude fucker, and could piss off and I would be speaking to her manager.

Try not to let it upset you anymore. Some people just have no manners and she sounds like one of them.

'Hi. I won't be meeting with you again because I found you rude, and judgemental. Taking your lead, I have reported your behaviour to your manager, after all, you like honesty.'

Er of course she was rude. Did you think otherwise?

Was she a Social Worker? A lot of Social Workers work in Family Group Conferencing. Her comment sounds like something a CP worker would have said. I'm not for one second saying she's involved in that context with you, I'm wondering if she works as a SW and is also undertaking an additional role. If that is the case you should speak to her Senior as it's really not appropriate to be speaking to you like that when she's there to represent your children's views at a Group Conference.

I would make an official complaint. First, it's not professional to give half an hour's notice of a meeting, and if that happens again refuse the appointment and suggest a different day to suit you. Second, she was rude and you can quote her - do it.

What skin is it off her nose if there were folded clothes on the couch?

I don't understand.

She'd love me. I'm quite proud of myself because every Friday I do 45 mins ironing before I go to work, then I put it away when I get home (I know, but I like my routines, they do work!)

It's all very much under control and part of a plan but for a whole day there are clean, folded clothes on the sofa.

So you're family are doing her team a favour by giving your dc's opinions and she insulted you? In your own home?

I would tell her to fuck right off and she could stick her questions up her hairy arse.

Your bloody phone! autocorrect

It entirely depends on what her professional capacity is.

If she's from a welfare service or from your housing provider, then she's perfectly entitled to comment on your time management or household organisation sadly.

So you're family are doing her team a favour by giving your dc's opinions and she insulted you? In your own home?

If she's representing the children's view at a Family Group Conference she must have been asked to do it. A Family Group Conference is an opportunity for everyone's view and opinion to be heard on specific issues within a family.

Complain - but constructively :)

Contact her manager, relay the conversation and say that you felt belittled, patronised, and antagonised by her unprofessional and rude approach... and say that you need to request someone else, as her lack of ability for good personal communication makes you consider her utterly unlikely to be able to undertake the task effectively. In short, you are rejecting her as your first meeting with her convinced you that she was not up to the job.

Don't ever allow people to be so rude to you in your own home again.

the minute she said that comment, you should have stood up and said 'I'm sorry, this meeting isn't convenient at the moment, you will need to leave now and contact me for another appointment.

And perhaps when you DO come again, you'll bring a fresh set of manners. The ones you have seem to be broken.

IIRC, OP has SS involvement, and there are child protection issues. Telling the lady (and yes, she was rude) to fuck off will be classed as uncooperative and not help the OP.

And, I gather, SS and similar agencies will often 'pop round' with little or no notice to see what is happening in the home when people haven't had time to prepare for their visits.

Rude. And stupid.

She is appalling. Even if she were a child protection worker clean clothes on a chair has no relevance to child protection and is therefore none of her business.
Some workers in children's advocacy are qualified social workers some are not.
I have worked in all theses areas and I would complain to her manager, explain why and ask for someone else to see your children.
It is very important for the parents of children with disabilities to have time for themselves.
As long as the children have clean clothes on their backs how you handle your laundry is none of anyone's business.

She is too big for her boots and seems to think advocating for children means putting parents down ( which is sheer stupidity IMO).

Firstly, try to get someone else from the team.
You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. A pile of clean clothes isn't harming anyone and as your children were not there it was irrelevant.

Does your gym have a cafe? Then can you meet them there?