AIBU about DH's debts?

[KitKat1985]

Hello.

Me and DH have been together about 5 years (married a year and a half). He's never been great with money whereas I've always been very cautious (very much of the if I don't have the money I won't get it, and have never had a credit card). I have no debts with the exception of our joint mortgage which we have paid each month without fail since getting it nearly 4 years ago. DH has a credit card which he originally used to owe a few hundred on but over the past couple of years this has crept up to about £3000. On top of this 3 years ago he took out a 5 year finance deal on a second-hand car (I was never happy about it, but we were unmarried at the time and I didn't feel I had any right to tell him what to do). The car has been a bloody nightmare since the day he got it. It has cost untold hundreds, probably 2-3 thousand, in repair bills (indeed it's been responsible for a lot of the credit card debt) and after 3 years he wants to replace it and cut his losses (which I can see his point) but he still has 2 years worth of payments left on it worth just over £2600 and will only be able to afford a new car by me giving him a lot of my savings. So in total he already owes over £5500 without even getting another car yet. Every time I try and talk to him about these increasing debts he mutters 'oh it'll get sorted' and doesn't really do anything else about it. He's very blase about putting stuff on his credit card with no great thought about how he'll eventually pay it off. I don't want to tell him what to do with his money (we have always had a joint account for all bills, mortgage etc with agreement that our personal monies leftover after this we do with as we like). However now we are married I suspect he's debts are hitting both of our credit ratings hard and our chances of ever getting another mortgage to get a bigger house so we can eventually have room for another child (we have one beautiful 10 week old DD at the moment) are getting slimmer and slimmer. Neither of us are big earners and £5500 will take a long time to pay off. So my question is do I get a bit tough on him about it or is this being unreasonable and should I let him sort his own finances?

Been in this position. I would not use savings to pay off debt. I would be getting a loan be it interest free credit card or loan - consolidate it all, agreeing what payment he can make each month. Also cut up his credit card. If he's credit card spender (even small amounts) it will accumulate and you will keep paying it off. Iv been in the cycle for years with Dh as I end up paying his cc. This year I said enough, transferred the balance that's on it to an interest free card, cut up his old card and told him to make the payments.

And we don't share accounts. All the bills come out of my account for house, cars, mobiles ect. He gives me a set amount of his wages each month so we have roughly the same spending and I chuck rest into savings (if anything left). Works well for us as DH is awful with money. If it's in his account he knows it's his to spend

I'm an advocate of the pocket money approach where funds are pooled and an equal amount of money is allocated for random spends.

Jointly agree no credit cards unless paid off in full each month.

In my experience getting a new car is nearly always more expensive than just keeping the one you have. "Cutting your loses" will actually end up costing you more, the new car could be a money pit as well.

I also think that for a married couple repairs to cars are a joint expense as both benefit indirectly from each other's car.

It sounds more like he is living slightly beyond his means each month and the debt is building up, rather than he is an extravagant spender on gadgets and junk?

The other thing to keep in mind is that the debt isn't 'joint' unless you took it out together as a couple. If it is his name it is his problem if the debt collectors come knocking.

Okay, just to update everyone. I've given DH £2500 from my savings to pay off the car finance. I can't realistically afford more. I've told him he needs to prioritise clearing the credit card debt himself and get us to a situation where we can be debt free. He agreed which is good. Thank you for all of your advice and thoughts. x

Has he set up the standing order for the card

Good luck OP. I hope it works out for you.

You're not going to leave him so your only option is to pay off the debts with your savings