to say f**k you to DH and do it anyway!

[candyflossy7]

DH and I have been arguing none stop for the last two weeks over this and with a newborn it's the last thing we need!

DS just turned six weeks today so I wanted to start a bedtime routine to help him tell the difference between night and day. For the past 3 weeks he hasn't been getting to sleep until 2am/3am but mostly 3am, crying and fussiness starts from around 10pm right until he falls asleep at those times, we've tried everything from feeds, winding, napping changing but he still cries and refuses to sleep. He doesn't cry continuously, he can be calmed for a few minutes before starting again so I assume it's not colic and he's over tired therefore I was hoping a bedtime routine would help him?

Is anyone else's LO's like this? If so for how long? Anyone have any example routines for a 6 week old?

AIBU to say f**k this and do it anyway whether DH agrees or not?

Please help before DH and I lose our sanity ....and maybe our marriage!!

I did.
Its hard going and takes continuity,but so so worth it.
Especially if you have to go back to work sooner rather than later (at about18 weeks with both of mine).
By then mine went to bed at @7pm and slept through on a regular basis unless ill.

My first was a dream and took to routine very easily. My second was more of a challenge.
I did bath, cuddles, feed on a dark room. It took a few weeks until routine set in and ten months to get to sleeping fully through the night.

Some babies are just easier I think, some don't like being wet, also some feed better and can sleep much longer.

A soft routine to start can no do any harm. Stop arguing and just say your doing night feeding so you will decide.

We did bedtime routines pretty early on with our two. ds took to the concept of nighttime being for sleeping quite quickly, although we also did a version of controlled crying so not just the dark room. dd on the other hand found it incredibly hard to settle at night and wanted to be jiggled and walked about for hours. It was very painful! Luckily dh really stepped up and took dd for those hours (and for us I don't think that she lasted quite as long as the OP's ds). I don't think that there was any specific problem, she just found night times very hard.

OP - I have said this before on here but in your case it bears repeating. My chum had a little girl, and was a bit like you - no routine and when I went to see her at 6 weeks, she threw the child at me and cried for two hours non stop.

Anyway - when she was around 12 months old, my chum found out she was pregnant again, but with twins. This time she had them in a routine from day 1. It was very carefully project managed, otherwise she would have been a mess. The kids thrived, and still are. She always talks about how that changed everything.

It's fine to try a routine, but don't assume your LO will go with it. The whole bath, bottle/bf, bed routine certainly did not work for my LO at that age because a) she had trapped wind and b) having a bath overstimulated her. Have you tried anything to help with the colic/wind? Infacol worked for us.

Why is your DH against a bedtime routine? Is it because you want to leave baby to cry for a little while? If so, I'd agree as babies shouldn't be left to cry at that age.

We got DD1 into a bedtime routine at 5 weeks - prior to that she'd had no real routine. We started bath bottle bed. First night she slept through till 3am before waking for a feed. That then got later and later and she was going through by 12 weeks. She was FF.

No such luck with DD2 though who was BF and didn't sleep through till she was 2 and still wakes quite frequently at 3

It's worth a try though. Just don't sleep train. He is too little for that. When you put him down after his bath, massage, whatever, stay in the room with him. DH used to lie on the bed with DD1 and stroke her face to get her off to sleep before transfering her to her moses basket.

Just to add, a routine wouldn't have worked with Dd1, she was just too wired. Dd2, on the other hand, fitted into a routine (nothing major, just bath, swaddle, feed, low lighting and bed) very easily. They're all different. Try a routine but don't get stressed if it doesn't initially work. It might well start working when your DC comes out of the grumpy newborn phase.

I had my DDs 20 years ago and it was definitely the done thing to have them in a bedtime routine, even at such a young age. I think it's a great idea as it gets some routine in your life as well as the baby's. it important for you IMO as the early weeks are so hard.

Just do it, you don't need your Hs permission

Our second was a very small baby, was she in special care for a number of weeks, she was in a routine from the off, so when we brought her home, she feed every 3 hrs and went back to sleep, and that turned quickly into sleeping thru and feeding well thru the day, I suppose a very easy baby..

Our first was very hard from the first night, unsettled and crying nearly every night for 2 yrs, although we did have a brief respite at the 4 months stage for a couple of weeks then she started teething and the nigh time shenanigans began again..

Just try not to argue, a baby does place a couples relationship under pressure..

I recall starting a routine with dd about 4 weeks with 'bedtime' around 8. Bath, change, feed, bed. She still cluster fed for ages and was hard to settle but she did start doing her first night stretch around then. No colic though.

I think the main difference between day and night once routine was established was all further feeds and changes etc were done in the dim, quiet setting rather than noisy living room.

I absolutely lived by the sleep when baby sleeps, sometimes two naps if the night had been bad!

DH was put to work hoovering and doing dishes when he came home.

I worked on trying to establish night and day almost straight away with my second.
She was completely nocturnal,and we most definitely weren't with an 18 month old to run round after and no paternity leave for dh that time round!

with DS 1 we followed his needs and really had a tough time, he did not sleep all night until he was 18 months old. With DS2 I used to bath him feed him in a quiet room with curtains drawn and put him in his moses basket then leave him with the door ajar and from 6 weeks onwards he slept all night from around 10pm until 5 or 6 am. Try it.

Oh. Infacol has worked a dream for us.

My oh is Like yours. Does no night feeds - annoyingly also expects tidy house/cooked dinner. I'm Knackered so feel your pain. Keep smiling. I'm hoping my body will become used to the lack of sleep!

DH needs to get his finger out his arse first of all.

Pick a time, try 7ish, to have a bath and a bottle/bf. Put in clean babygrow and grobag. Place in cot/crib/moses basket.

DH then settles/feeds/changes baby until 12am and you go to bed. Swap at 12am, and you then take on torturous night feeds. Try and keep baby going for as long as poss between feeds so they stop continually snacking.

Over a period of time, this will hopefully mean that the baby starts to realise bath equals bed, and start to settle themselves into a routine.

Lots of for you, DC3 is only 6 months but we had him sleeping through by about 12 weeks 7 - 7, as I did the others, so it takes time but for me a definite night time starting point ie bath is what helps.

Oh and holls tell your DH to do one the cheeky knobend!

The first weeks are hard especially with sleep deprivation

We had a routine from almost day one- bath, bottle ,songs and bed.

The way to do this is: you concentrate on you and baby. DH doesn't get meals unless he helps, tidying house work goes out the window - much lower priority than sanity and sleep. Feed yourself, drink, go to the toilet and sleep are top priorities. Then would come your personal hygiene. The house and DH come much lower.

My DH had to get up at 6 or earlier for work, but still did some of the night stuff, certainly housework, cooking and just holding baby so I could wash.

Try not to argue, rest when you can and go with the flow. I found co sleeping (safely) helped my son massively and me because I got some rest.

6 weeks is to young for a routine. By all means have something in mind but don't expect the baby to get it just yet. Enjoy as best you can and rest when baby does.

I believe they don't start to recognise day/night until around 12 weeks. Our DD slept more during the day than at night time but she did generally sleep a lot so it wasn't as difficult as what you describe.
You can improve there understanding by exposing him to daylight, and no artificial light during the day, make sure and get him dressed first thing also.
And taking shifts worked wonders for us, my husband is a night owl, so I go to bed early and he takes DD til he comes to bed between 1-2am. Now I appreciate not everyone can get up and go to work on so little sleep, but there is no reason your husband cannot take him til for example midnight (assuming he is FF). And please do sleep during the day.

Your DHs work might give him a pass for the night feeds, especially if he doesn't cope well with sleep deprivation and it would make him unsafe driving or something like that, but he needs to help during the waking hours so that you can catch up with some of your sleep and have a break too.

Have a think about the very bare minimum that needs doing and the time you need for a sleep whilst he's there and get into some kind of system yourselves too.

You guys have my sympathy, it's really hard in the first few weeks and months. Babies don't really do day and night until they start producing their own melatonin (at 3 or 4 months old) but it doesn't do any harm to start creating the associations of bath and dark room equals sleep.

Also you could go too far the other way if you don't get into a routine. Some people I know have a 2 year old who won't go to bed before 10pm without a lot of fuss because they didn't put her in a routine soon enough and they would really like their evenings back...

No one tells you that having a baby isn't going to be easy ! I would say you would be incredibly lucky if your baby got into a routine at 6 weeks.
My fist DD didn't get into a routine until 3 years !!!! & even then, I would have resorted to ANYTHING to sleep through the night.. I tried Cranial Osteopathy as advised by a friend. (specific head massage for babies) It worked literally like magic, even though technically 3 years is a late...
Good Luck, & in the mean time, OH needs to get involved now, so he has to get up at 8.30, what does he want a medal ? Get him to man up or he will never do anything EVER

I started a routine with DS 1 when he was 3 weeks old. DH had gone away (navy) for 9 months, and I needed time to myself in the evenings. The day was relaxed, but at 5pm I fed him, at 6pm I bathed him, then we sang (!) and I fed him again, and put him in his bed at 7pm.

The first 3 days were hard work, and then he got it.

I then woke him about 11 and 3... Until I forgot to do the 11 and realised he slept through anyway.

Just do it! I found the babywhisperer book quite helpful.

I did this with DS 2 ( not quite such an easy baby) and all was fine....although he puked a bit more!

Someone up thread has mentioned cosleeping on a sofa. This is absolutely the most dangerous way to sleep with a baby so please ignore that comment.

Your 'D'H has no right to comment on what you do with your baby at night time given that he has absolved himself of all responsibility for night time parenting. What sort of job does he have that requires so much brain power (neurosurgeon perhaps) or physical power (lumberjack perhaps)? When does he think you catch up on your sleep? Do you get a long lie in at the weekend or does DH need his lie in after a week at the coal face?

Your baby is too young to appreciate the difference between night and day - definitely not before 3 months. Routine-wise, you can help set your baby's expectations but this won't stop your baby waking up. A baby this age needs attention so you are doing a good job in helping your baby to know that you are there and available.

Things will settle down.

No no I'd never leave DS to cry, CC would be far too upsetting for me and DS. I originally tried him with Cow & Gate comfort milk at the start but honestly doesn't seem to make him better (or worse). I give him Infacol before his feeds as he is very windy though it makes little to no difference, gripe water gave him terrible reflux so that's a no go as well.

I do sleep when DS sleeps in the afternoon but with hardly any sleep for the past few weeks it's made little difference.

DH is off on Tuesday's, Sunday's and out early on Mondays but he still refuses to help with night feeds as they are his time off, his break. He's highly against routines since his mother has whined that I'm only starting a routine in order to keep her away from DS, as in if I were to start his bed routine at say 6 or 7 then she wouldn't be able to 'drop by' at said times to 'get cuddles'. She's been in the phone to DH almost constantly ever since I brought the bloody idea up so he's been getting at me in order to get some peace.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so bloody tired making bottles feels like I'm doing a marathon!

I did a routine from about 4 weeks old.

What I found really helped was:

Having black-out blinds in the bedroom
Starting the day at the same time each day - 7am (woke DS for first feed)
Not allowing him to sleep for 2-3 hours at a time during the day, I would wake him for a feed. Too much sleep during the day, meant no sleep at night
Bedtime routine, bath, story, song, bottle etc at about 6.30
Wake him up for a feed about 11pm
He would have a night feed (about 3am) until he was about 9 weeks.

As others have said - sleep when baby sleeps too.