To feel bemused by this question?

[despondentmummy]

I'm just getting back into my old career (a competitive field not easy on women with young families) - my youngest is 10 months. Chatting to another female professional (who I just met that day) about my 'time out' away from my field of work, she suddenly fires: are you breastfeeding your baby? Now...I don't want a BF vs bottle debate here, that's not what concerns me, what stunned me was the question itself. Isn't this personal? Isn't this private? Isn't this no one else's business? What does this have to do with my career and she have asked my DH the same question? (answer: of course not). So: AIBU for being pissed off??

It actually never occurred to me that she was considering the logistics. When I think about it that like that it feels more like a show of solidarity as ours is a very male dominated profession...She has older children. I think I was just out on the back foot and stunned into answering honestly, I could have done with a 'why do you ask?' response as I do feel it's private. I have many friends who struggled and fought hard to bf, some bf in the end and some didn't, and I know if someone had have asked them this question, it would have been painful for them. It's a funny one - of course bf is in the public domain, but it's not as mundane as 'how did you get here today?' - it's undeniable that it's still a loaded issue - look at examples of bf pictures being taken down from Facebook and then reinstated, for example, look at the fervour that's caused by pics of celebs bf...All that goes into the mix, then you add in returning to work and the context of the fact that we were talking about work and this sudden question just felt oddly personal from somebody I didn't know at all.

'Are you breastfeeding your baby?'
'No, i am standing here talking to you. Why do you ask?'

I would ask, but I have to to see if we need to make any arrangements!

Suppose it depends on the type of person you are. Question wouldn't offend me. I'd just answer honestly. Perhaps she was going to give you advice ect. Some people in work asked me, some wanted to help, offer to help me with rooms and stuff if I was pumping others were just making conversation.

I think you are being a bit U, but understandably.

The likeliest explanation, and the one that would have occurred to me, is that she was thinking about the logistics. I was bf when I returned to work, and would have responded by chewing her ear off about my convoluted plans to continue. Not a problem. In fact I would have been quite pleased to hear another work colleague think first of one of the main issues with returning to work with a young baby, I'd have felt 'understood'.

BUT - good friends of mine who tried very hard and failed to bf for long would have been upset and probably seen it as an intrusive question. As would others who chose not to bf for whatever reason. Is this your position? Did she really 'fire' the Q at you?

She very probably wasn't being at all judgemental or intrusive, but BF can be a touchy subject - if it's a touchy subject for you, then you will have felt that way, which is fine. But hopefully some of the responses here will show you that it's unlikely that she meant to intrude or be dismissive of your privacy.

It seems to me a totally logical question in a conversation about the logistics of getting back to work when you have a small baby. I also don't see that it's intrusive in any other context; there's nothing abnormal about breastfeeding, nor does it have to be viewed as a totally private activity which the world mustn't know about.

But Loopy don't you think it is personal and a loaded question for some women - what if you can't bf or chose not to? Why is it anyone else's business? Surely it's no ones business by mine? I think it's a sensitive area for lots of women for lots of reasons and the fact that I didn't know this person at all meant it just caught me off guard. I do recognise that she was probably interested in the logistics of it - she actually went on to say she presumed I'd returned to work only now because I'd stopped bf - so that point is fair enough. But I still feel that it's too personal a question when you've just met someone and somehow it felt mildly judgemental...so put it this way: why didn't this person ask 'and are you bottle feeding the baby? And does bottle feeding fit in with returning to work?' Do you see what I mean? It's not quite the same question, is it?

It is relevant as if you are breastfeeding and intend to express when you get back to work then that is one more issue to consider.