To feel bemused by this question?

[despondentmummy]

I'm just getting back into my old career (a competitive field not easy on women with young families) - my youngest is 10 months. Chatting to another female professional (who I just met that day) about my 'time out' away from my field of work, she suddenly fires: are you breastfeeding your baby? Now...I don't want a BF vs bottle debate here, that's not what concerns me, what stunned me was the question itself. Isn't this personal? Isn't this private? Isn't this no one else's business? What does this have to do with my career and she have asked my DH the same question? (answer: of course not). So: AIBU for being pissed off??

[GreenPetal94]

It is relevant as if you are breastfeeding and intend to express when you get back to work then that is one more issue to consider.

[suddenlycupishalffull]

But Loopy don't you think it is personal and a loaded question for some women - what if you can't bf or chose not to? Why is it anyone else's business? Surely it's no ones business by mine? I think it's a sensitive area for lots of women for lots of reasons and the fact that I didn't know this person at all meant it just caught me off guard. I do recognise that she was probably interested in the logistics of it - she actually went on to say she presumed I'd returned to work only now because I'd stopped bf - so that point is fair enough. But I still feel that it's too personal a question when you've just met someone and somehow it felt mildly judgemental...so put it this way: why didn't this person ask 'and are you bottle feeding the baby? And does bottle feeding fit in with returning to work?' Do you see what I mean? It's not quite the same question, is it?

[ResIpsaLoquitur]

It seems to me a totally logical question in a conversation about the logistics of getting back to work when you have a small baby. I also don't see that it's intrusive in any other context; there's nothing abnormal about breastfeeding, nor does it have to be viewed as a totally private activity which the world mustn't know about.

[Castlemilk]

I think you are being a bit U, but understandably.

The likeliest explanation, and the one that would have occurred to me, is that she was thinking about the logistics. I was bf when I returned to work, and would have responded by chewing her ear off about my convoluted plans to continue. Not a problem. In fact I would have been quite pleased to hear another work colleague think first of one of the main issues with returning to work with a young baby, I'd have felt 'understood'.

BUT - good friends of mine who tried very hard and failed to bf for long would have been upset and probably seen it as an intrusive question. As would others who chose not to bf for whatever reason. Is this your position? Did she really 'fire' the Q at you?

She very probably wasn't being at all judgemental or intrusive, but BF can be a touchy subject - if it's a touchy subject for you, then you will have felt that way, which is fine. But hopefully some of the responses here will show you that it's unlikely that she meant to intrude or be dismissive of your privacy.

[Purplepoodle]

Suppose it depends on the type of person you are. Question wouldn't offend me. I'd just answer honestly. Perhaps she was going to give you advice ect. Some people in work asked me, some wanted to help, offer to help me with rooms and stuff if I was pumping others were just making conversation.

[Jelliebabe2]

I would ask, but I have to to see if we need to make any arrangements!

[FunkyBoldRibena]

'Are you breastfeeding your baby?'
'No, i am standing here talking to you. Why do you ask?'

[despondentmummy]

It actually never occurred to me that she was considering the logistics. When I think about it that like that it feels more like a show of solidarity as ours is a very male dominated profession...She has older children. I think I was just out on the back foot and stunned into answering honestly, I could have done with a 'why do you ask?' response as I do feel it's private. I have many friends who struggled and fought hard to bf, some bf in the end and some didn't, and I know if someone had have asked them this question, it would have been painful for them. It's a funny one - of course bf is in the public domain, but it's not as mundane as 'how did you get here today?' - it's undeniable that it's still a loaded issue - look at examples of bf pictures being taken down from Facebook and then reinstated, for example, look at the fervour that's caused by pics of celebs bf...All that goes into the mix, then you add in returning to work and the context of the fact that we were talking about work and this sudden question just felt oddly personal from somebody I didn't know at all.

[hollie84]

I don't think it's personal - baby-feeding isn't something done privately, and it sounds relevant to a discussion about returning to a family-unfriendly career after maternity leave.

[LoopyLoopyLoopy]

I don't get the issue. Why is how you feed your baby so personal? Fits with the conversation personally. Chill out.

[Krytes42]

It seems really odd to me. Not sure why she'd care. If she were interested in logistics/pumping facilities, why not just ask about that directly?

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

I asked a father this question last week when he had the baby on his own and was talking about having the baby on hos own for a longer period the following week. I was just interested in the logistics tbh. I hope he didn't take offense, he didn't seem to, and we both had a laugh about struggling with breast pumps, so I thought at the time the question was taken in the way I'd meant it. I would try not to worry about other's opinions, perhaps have some stock evasive answers prepared too as I've found people do ask you all sorts of things once you're a parent. Just because they're asking,doesn't mean you have to answer; a question you find too intrusive to answer wasn't necessarily asked for any nefarious reason though.

[rainyroo]

Does she have children herself?

[Poofus]

I have asked colleagues this. It was just supposed to be a friendly chat and some sympathy about how tough it can be going back to work after mat leave (esp if expressing milk). I imagine she meant it nicely.

[pregnantpause]

No it's not that personal. In the conversation you describe it's a par for the course question tbh

[Viviennemary]

I don't think it's a very personal question at all. It's just a question about how you feed your baby.

[OwlWearingSunglasses]

She's trying (or considering trying) for a baby.

[rainyroo]

Depends how it was said I suppose, but if just a friendly chat I personasly wouldn't have been offended

[MrSheen]

Seems like a pretty normal question within a "'time out' away from my field of work" conversation. It is relevant to women returning to work, particularly in male dominated workplaces where the logistics of bf mothers may not have come up before. It's also not private. People see how babies are fed in public all the time. Possibly not her business, but you could say that about lots of questions ('What did you have for lunch?', 'Do you come on the bus?')

[TheBatteriesHaveRunOut]

I think she might have been interested for herself (for the future) or for someone else, or just wondering how it all works.

Innocent question.

Your go to reply is "why do you ask?"

[Scrumbled]

Maybe it was just a quesion about logistics and she was thinking back to a dilemma shed had, or thinking to the future? Is she wondering get if you have all the right facilities?

I I went back to work in an all male office whilst still breastfeeding. It was 6 months on and, for me, in the end I still managed fine during the day with breast feed mornings and evenings. But to start with I did need to think about fridges and a private space, never needed it but I did have to broach the subject with management.

[Only1scoop]

Yabu it's a question asked by another woman.

Unless it was an interview.

[Cantbelievethisishappening]

Isn't this personal? Isn't this private? Isn't this no one else's business?

Given the constant hoo ha and numerous dull sometimes hysterical attitudes/threads about how babies are fed I would say it is very much in the public domain.

[WerewolfBarMitzvah]

Why do people ask though? Imo they rarely ask what kind of nappies we are using or what baby shampoo.
Suppose they are just interested, but still..