Another au pair story AIBU

[Thewiseonenot]

Friend has au pair, things haven't worked out OK and friend gave au pair 6 weeks notice to leave or find another family. This because friend is thoughtful that au pair had booked flight to go home for Christmas and didn't want her to incur extra expense.
3 weeks after au pair hasn't done much to look for anything, still out partying every week end and spend every free time in her room. Quality of her work OKeish but she has stopped trying and to build relationship with kids. This Under-stably.

When friend asked her a couple of days ago what her plans were, she said very matter of fact:

I am sure you don't mind kerping my stuff until January. When I come back I will look for a room and a job....no point looking now before Christmas!

She doesn't want to be an pair anymore so no looking for a family...

Friend explained that room will require a deposit to rent and that job might take months to find especially as she doesn't speak English.

She looked surprised, said uh oh.... My friend explained to her that she has got to go...cannot hang around until January.

But not much has changed as she is still going out week ends at night and staying in during the day...no showing any urgency in looking for anything.

My friend feels bad about it as atmosphere is not great and the au pair looks depressed when in and it's a very sad figure to see moving around the house.

I think that 6 weeks notice is more than enough and by end of it she should get key back and wave au pair goodbye without feeling responsible for it.

AIBU? Am I horrible?

What's with all the ..... I keep imagining dramatic music there

You seem rather overinvested in this ! Your friend needs to sit AP down explain that under UK law she only need give 1 week's notice and by giving 6 she is hoping that she will not feel hard done and is a way of acknowledging that she has alternative accommodation to find or make arrangements to leave UK. The leaving date , for her and her belongings, just before Christmas is final. It sounds as if this arrangement was set up on a very informal basis , almost as a cultural exchange visit, and this has backfired. Friend needs to learn that she needs to be a proper employer, with employment contract and clear boundaries.

Why do teenagers need an au pair? Can't they just let themselves in after school, make a snack and get on with their homework until their mum gets back from work?

Is the au-pair here on a visa? If she is the solution is very simple

Your friend needs to grow up and get some balls. This is not on and she needs to tell AP that the time is up and her belongings are not your friends responsibility. Did your friend pay for the haircut?

Why don't you give your AP a letter outlining exactly what you'd like to happen-with dates etc on, then she's very clear exactly what you want her to do.

I assumed op was over invested in it because it was really her au pair rather than her friend's.

Lizs, you are right, I was looking at this with some vested interest also because I was planning to have an au pair next year...but this had put me off. Interesting to hear that my friend was too informal and should have been firmer...but some of the expectation came out of the blue!

12 and 14 years old girls should not be left on their own all the time ...what if they are late back or something happens?

Where my friend lives is quite rural....not close to neighbours or chemists or shops.... The au pair also needed to drive them to clubs/ back home.

Opal - not sure why I should lie about whose au pair was this....probably you judge people by your standards...