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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to put a note through my neighbours door re her noise complaint??

80 replies

FayeFruitLoop · 21/11/2014 12:39

Back in September I believe a new lady moved into the flat below us. we were up early one morning (6am and getting ready for a trip away. At 7am I put my 2 year olds shoes on and he ran up our hallway) shortly after the lady below came up to complain about the noise - there was no music/tv. Just the 2year old wearing shoes (laminate floor but thick underlay) and myself and DH chatting/packing and the tumble dryer.

We apologised, explained it wasn't a usual occurrence and said we'd make sure we didn't wear shoes whilst indoors as well as look into runners at her request. She then said the tv noise is also too loud and affects her health... We don't own a tv I do watch tv via my phone and the laptop sometimes but the volume wouldn't be able to go up as loud as an actual tv.

I have since taken to using headphones other than when the 2 year old watches the odd DVD in the daytime.

Today I receive a noise complaint letter from the council that was made on Tuesday morning... (When I was out swimming with the toddler) of course there would of been the time from 8am to 9am when I was getting him ready that day though...

I haven't yet been able to afford runners but have been extra conscious of noise from the floor, banned my child from running indoors (he used to enjoy cruising the hallway) and I put him to bed at the latest by 9pm and usually 8am. I don't get him up before 7am. I'm so paranoid I'm constantly listening to how much noise my own footsteps make and tiptoeing after/before 7-9 daytime hours.

I don't know what on earth I can do more, previous neighbours didn't complain and I'm sure we used to make far more noise. I do live next to a flat which has 3 school age children and I hear their noise myself but it's nothing other than everyday noise certainly wouldn't class it nuisance so there is the possibility that noise is travelling from that property...

Or I suppose the small chance that the noise complaint didn't come from this lady at all? Seems very very unlikely though.

WIBU to put a note through her door? And how should I word it if I did?

I could understand if it was a complaint over a child tantrumming as they are frequent currently due to his age, or over him singing his lungs out but again it's not something I have much control over and I'm doing everything I can already to minimise noise

I was thinking of something like:

Dear neighbour,

I understand you made a noise complaint, I can only apologise if the noise level is unacceptable to you but I have been taking these measures since you came up back in September and feel there is little more I can do. Im not entirely sure the noise you are experiencing is coming from our property considering this. I also do ensure any noise only happens between daytime hours. Please feel free to pop up next time the noise level is unacceptable to you as it may help me to identify what it is exactly that is causing you a problem and clarify if it is our property or not.

That said... I don't really want to drop my next door neighbour in it if it's her kids the lady is hearing. Should I speak to her also? Should I check with others if they're hearing too much noise from us??

OP posts:

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 21/11/2014 13:48

SuperFly I know, she had even made a note of the date and time we had giggled! We should have known there was going to be an issue as the day we moved in a man riding passed on his bike stopped to welcome us to the neighbourhood and to warn us about the woman next door who complained about every noise anyone made. That same day she put a note through our door warning us that the walls were thin and she would expect us to be especially quiet at all times. We were so glad to leave that house.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/11/2014 13:49

Dame -I work for a solicitors who deal with new builds etc and the amount of specifications as to what sound deadening material you can use is amazing... as in to ensure sound doesn't travel.

I've never lived with laminate flooring though.... does sound hellish.

ClaudiaNaughton · 21/11/2014 13:49

My daughter lives in a very nice quiet block of flats. All flats must have carpeting. However she does wake each morning to the man above having a very long pee.

Original poster

FayeFruitLoop · 21/11/2014 13:53

Yes... But I'm one of the few people who considerately put down thick underlay under mine. I happen to know next door to me they have none...

Most flats (including annoying lady's) have laminate in our block. (She mentioned hers when requesting I invest in runners like hers)

OP posts:

MehsMum · 21/11/2014 13:54

Writing her a letter would probably not help... Also if you phrased anything in a way that might be taken amiss, she'd probably use it against you. She needs to get some earplugs if she's a light sleeper (I say this an earplug using light sleeper myself).

OP, normal family noise does not count as a 'nuisance' in law. I was told this by a legal friend when we had all sorts of horrible strife from a truly horrible, nasty neighbour. Feet on stairs, conversation, doors - it's all fine. So let your toddler enjoy being small, walk about as you need to, and keep an envelope of evidence of times you were out, in case you ever need it.

Viviennemary · 21/11/2014 13:57

If she wants perfect peace then she shouldn't be living in a flat. Normal family noise is what you have to put up with. She's being a pain. You've been more than reasonable and apologised the time you got up quite early.

Original poster

FayeFruitLoop · 21/11/2014 14:01

Side neighbour is now making a racket moving furniture in/out her flat. At 2pm on Friday afternoon I feel this is fine...

Will be very interested to see if another complaint is made for this time. That said... Annoying lady may be out for all I know

OP posts:

tiredvommachine · 21/11/2014 14:04

Keep living your normal life lovely, the complaint will go nowhere

Moniker1 · 21/11/2014 14:04

The best response is to make friends with her.
Dear Linda or whoever,
Please feel free to ring me or pop up any time that there is too much noise.
I have done blah blah and blah to keep our noise down as I certainly don't want to disturb you when you are sleeping.
I'd love you to call round for coffee on X or Y morning so that we can sort any problems and you can meet Sam (DS) and I can pass on some info about things you might like to attend in the neighbourhood.
or something along those lines
Looking forward to seeing you soon,
Faye

Tel 07462847r848

Dear neighbour,

pinkie1982 · 21/11/2014 14:07

Do not engage with her regarding this unless she comes to you. Ask to see the council. If it is a council/HA property I didn't think yuo were allowed laminate in an upstairs flat? We definitely aren't. If private then tough. Don't top toe around. If she keeps complaining, the council will have go in during the day and monitor the sound.

When we lived above a nightmare neighbour he did this. I used to not use my washing machine, vacuum, have a shower or dry my hair when he was home. I couldn't live my life, I started to avoid him and did not use my garden, did not park my car on the shared drive. Things like this may escalate. I would cooperate fully with the council and say her complaints are encrouching on your everyday living. It is not your fault she works nights and with a toddler there is not much you can do to avoid general household noise.

The will have to get over it.

Original poster

FayeFruitLoop · 21/11/2014 14:09

Moniker... I would have liked to make. friends but I'm not so sure now it wouldn't just give her ammunition... She's a complainer, what if she pops up at a time DS toys are all over the floor or something or he's running naked again... Do I then expect a call from social services for neglect? She's already judging me a nuisance for walking in socks...

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 21/11/2014 14:11

I wouldn't engage with her at all. She's either so unreasonable/antisocial she can't talk to you about a perceived problem, or it wasn't her. Neither has a happy ending.

Forget about her and let her stew in her issues. If you write acknowledging there is a noise issue of any kind you are leaving yourself wide open to criticism and possibly liability.

Admit to nothing. Engage only with the council.

Moniker1 · 21/11/2014 14:11

Hmmmm, falling out with your neighbours is horrid, it affects every aspect of your life as your home is not the refuge it should be.

If you tried the nice approach and it failed I doubt it would result in SS being called but perhaps she is that nasty, personally I would give it a go.

Original poster

FayeFruitLoop · 21/11/2014 14:13

It is a council property... I'm not aware of any rules regarding not having laminate... As I say, most people have it in this block. Iv also had plenty of council officials in walking on my laminate floor... had to have asbestos tests, inspection few days after moving in etc (flooring was done the weekend before we moved in) and nobody's mentioned it not being allowed...

OP posts:

Jolleigh · 21/11/2014 14:27

If she escalated the complaint OP, the council will put recording equipment in her home that she can't tamper with. Call or write to the council explaining you don't even own a tv and that some days she's complained about you weren't even home. Then continue your normal day to day living without pussyfooting around. If the recording equipment picks up either you or your neighbours, the council will decide whether or not the levels are acceptable during daytime hours (which as you're not disturbed by them, they probably are) and they'll then act from there. You've got nothing to worry about.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 21/11/2014 14:53

Do not engage and try to ignore her and any perceived threat. The only thing I could possibly think to say you're doing wrong is tiptoeing around in your own home. You're allowed to walk around, as has already been said, normal noise is normal, objections to it... Aren't!

ptumbi · 21/11/2014 15:03

Be careful of runners on laminate, OP; could be slippery and dangerous for dc.

I'm always amazed at the thinness of party walls - dp's party wall was of breezeblock material (so not dense to start with) and only 4" thick BUT also had a cavity down the middle for wires (I assume) so in fact was less than 2" each side. Added to that - the sockets were attached back-to-back, so in fact the wall had holes right through at these points, the only barrier was the socket plate-faces. DP spent about £2500 on 3" of solid soundproofing (1"rubber tiles, 3 layers of plasterboard + membrane and then plastered) - and it still doesn't keep the noise out.

daisychain01 · 21/11/2014 15:16

Maybe leave it for a few weeks until Christmas, drop a friendly Christmas card round, no need to knock or anything then see how things go.

She sounds like a difficult customer so to speak, but if you can just stay neutral and not engage too much for now, maybe things will calm down and she will get used to it.

Even if you do invite her round for coffee, the next time you make a noise she may still be off with you, you could bend over backwards and it will never be enough!

The most important thing is to do everything you can not to let it escalate into anything official/legal, because that could affect the value of your house and your ability to sell. Monitor the situation ongoing.

Maybe speak to your local council and get them to help you with suggestions and ideas on things you can reasonably do.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/11/2014 15:55

You can buy rug grippers so the runners won't slip on the laminate, it's like rough tape on a roll that you cut to measure.

Babyroobs · 21/11/2014 16:10

My neighbours kids wake me up creaming at 5am then again at 7am, then when I am working nights they scream in the day, I can't get away from it and am totally sleep deprivedand going round like a zombie. I can't complain because realistically there isn't much they can do about it. I am resigned to just putting up with it until they grow out of it unless .

BlackeyedSusan · 21/11/2014 17:55

my neighbour bellows and swears when we make a noise. sometimes the noise ds is making is unreasonable, sometimes not. jumping, for instance is banned as is general knocking and banging. everyday playing is tough luck. we often go away for a few days in the holidays to get away from the restrictions of flat living so the children can jump and shout and play in the garden at my mums.

foslady · 21/11/2014 18:48

I'd contact the council and request that they put noise monitoring equipment in - they'll soon see that there's no complain-able noise

twizzleship · 21/11/2014 19:26

don't send her a note - she will class that as you 'harassing' her! Instead speak to the council department who sent yo the letter and send them an email/letter explaining the contact/conversation you've had with this neighbour previously, explain that the only sounds she's complained about are normal living noises and tell them about the other neighbour and their music playing. It isn't fair that you get the blame for someone elses transgressions nor is it fair to expect you to be on tiptoes in your own home.

maddening · 21/11/2014 19:33

Speak to environmental health, state that you do not make unsociable noise and suggest they set up recording equipment or have someone round to listen in the neighbours property - all they need to do is confirm that your noise is normal living noise so they can advise the neighbour.

Oh and do not worry about headphones - you know it is quiet and she is unreasonable.

She will have been asked to complete a noise diary so perhaps keep your own notes of when you are in etc so eh can compare.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 21/11/2014 19:47

She is a bully simple as that.

Just ignore her.

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