Is this Discrimination (ASD related) Very upset

[Aeroflotgirl]

I am so upset I don't know where to start. DD 7.5 has just started Brownies 2 weeks ago, she has ASD and is supported by a carer. The Brownie leaders work in an Autistic school during the day. I received yesterday a text from her carer telling me that the Leaders wanted to give the children a talk on dd condition without her being there. This was 2 hours before she was due to start her session, so I paid for care she did not need as it was under the 24 hour cancellation period.

I was really upset, as it should not take 1.5 hours to talk to Brownies about her disability. I tried to contact the Brownie leader a few times and left a message. I then contacted the head of her care agency who knows the Brownie leader. It transpires that parents of Brownies have had issues with dd behaviour, like the stimming, hand flapping, and getting too close to children's personal space and the district commissioner as asked that the Brownie leader give a talk to the Brownies about ASD. DD goes with a carer who would have relayed to me if she had been violent or emotionally abusive which she had not, she does not display that type of behaviour. Both her sessions at Brownies have been positive, so I can imagine it was dd unusual behaviour. Apparently couple of girls have left the Brownies for no reason, which I presume because of dd.

I feel so hurt that others feel that way about dd, if she was in a wheelchair or had a disfigurement they would not get away with that, its like we have not progressed 40 years. Anyway dd is going next week with her head held high, these are not her issues and she has nothing to be ashamed about.

I am drafting a letter to the District Commisioner and head of Brownies and Girlguide in my area, it has been handled so badly. No representative from our end was asked to attend the meeting to see what was being said about dd. She was in a different Rainbow pack with a more experienced leader, and we had no issues, parents were so positive. I feel so upset

Yes they should. DD new brownie leader and who is also District commissioner said that she should have told the parents that it is an inclusive organisation, and that they cannot and will not discriminate. And ask me if it was ok to give a little talk to the Brownies about DD's condition in good time. I have not yet heard from the old Brownie leader, all this information is coming from a 2nd party which is not on. As a Brownie leader you have to deal directly with varioius situations. Its just been handled badly.

DD will have a much positive experience in her new unit, I am sure.

Yes it is obvious DD has a disability if she has a carer in tow but it is none of the other children's business what the disability is.

Well actually, it can be. Especially if a sensible and caring explanation of the OP's dd's condition can be given so that she doesn't suffer from unkindness or not being accepted due to ignorance. I'm not suggesting this was handled perfectly but I do think that sharing information is far less discriminatory than allowing ignorance and the consequences of that ignorance to be perpetuated.

I think any discussing of your dd should have been done by ASKING you, not TELLING you!

I wonder if the Brownie Leader wanted your daughter to skip a session rather than want her to come into a meeting after a 20 minute explanation of her condition. She may have thought it would be easier, for your DD, than having to face a barrage of questions, whilst the talk was fresh in the other girls minds. I have a son who has Aspergers and I was also a Brown Owl for over ten years. I had disabled children in my unit and we were not allowed to discuss their conditions with any parent or child. I had parents remove their children, from my pack as they thought one of my Brownie's who was in a wheelchair, would limit the activities that their children could take part in. Some people are horrible!! The difficulty is that you do not know whether your daughters ASD was mentioned directly or whether the talk was more along the lines of X has a problem with Y, we can help her by doing Z. I did something similar myself, but I did have the mum there. It may be that the pack did something like roleplays to get the girls to think about your daughter's difficulties. The leader could have spent a lot of time and effort trying to help your daughter, or she may not. Can you possibly talk to a parent of one of the other Brownies to find out what went on and take it from there?

Yes, I agree Polter, it shouldn't be shared without consent. I was commenting mainly on what seemed to be an assumption that no information should be shared at all.

Nobody needed a talk!

Any parent who expressed a concern should have been reassured that their child was not at risk in any way and that they could not discuss other children with them.

Anything more than that is totally unacceptable

If they felt that some further education on ASD could be helpful to your DD, this should have been done with your DD's permission and in cooperation with her and you.

I would be livid!

Nice to have first world diseases ....................

Do you not think children have ASD in developing countries?

Handled ALL wrong. Your DD should not have been excluded it would have been more productive if she was there. The children who were really interested in being caring and understanding would have asked questions to understand ASD better.
As for girls leaving,well that's up to them and in this life you will meet people who can't cope or won't cope with other people who they see as "different". I think that these girls can't cope or won't. Not your look out.
What are they going to do in the adult world? Run away from anyone who is not "like them?" Everyone is different. All ASD children are different. But if we don't take the time to understand that we won't understand.
I don't feel it was handled well. I understand how you must feel. Explain how you feel to the powers that be and also explain that how protective you are and this situation is exactly why you are so protective.

If I was the VOLUNTEER Brownie leader I'd be SO upset at you for doing my unpaid best, I'd leave!!!!
Go in, volunteer yourself and take crap from every judgemental parent who could, but NEVER does, do it better.
Honestly, why do people bother to volunteer?

Sharon56bus, a ridiculous, insulting and inaccurate post.

They should definitely have discussed this with you previously. It was handled badly.

Billabong - when someone volunteers, they still have to act according to rules regulations and in the best interests of the child.

(I do volunteer with children)

What Billahbong said. She a volunteer not a trained professionally qualified specialist in all things

Sharon56bus WHAT?!

Sorry that should say 'do volunteer work with children ' also should say, ' in the best interests of the child and their family '

bloody phone

Chimes, you don't have to be a qualified specialist to discuss issues like this with the parents.

She a volunteer not a trained professionally qualified specialist in all things

The OP says that the leaders work with children with Autism. Even if being 'just' and unqualified volunteer were an acceptable excuse, it would not apply to them.

They should have known better.

I spend a significant part of my life volunteering. I do not expect people to accept me breaking confidentiality or reinforcing prejudices because I am not paid.

Reported Sharon's bollocks post, so hopefully will disappear soon

So, in trying to do something right and advantageous to the child......she got it wrong. Cut her some slack - she's a volunteer not Wonderwoman.