To think Grandma shouldn't have done this..

[ragrevel79]

So. DS' 7th birthday. He's a Lego fiend. His grandmother (my ex's mother) has bought him a £132 Lego set. She doesn't normally go so stratospheric, my ex's family is quite well off and normally she gets something generous but not crazy. She has told him that it's large, and he gets a bit of a smaller one for Christmas. I feel really quite pissed off that this is the kind of present we as parents would get (on a very generous year! We got something less than half that this year) and she's totally trumped us. I feel that grandparents should get something in line with (or smaller than) the parents. I also feel bad for my parents and my husbands parents that their presents look paltry in comparison. She's normally very well behaved so I am surprised. My ex thinks I should chill out and not make a big deal. I get on with her so I just want to say politely that whilst we are grateful could she not go quite so big in the future. But ffs, surely this should be obvious?!

I am with the op on this one. I don't think grandparents presets should override the parents.

YABU and I think it's very sad that you see present buying as a competition.

It really isn't, and shouldn't be a competition! I'd be horrified if my ds2 decided to get pissed off with us if we gave either of my dgds a decent present on the basis that we were supposed to know our offerings had to be smaller. Like quite a lot of grandparents, we're a bit better off because we don't have any dependent children at home or have a mortgage any longer. So in the main (and indeed the same was the case when we had young dcs) the gps are generous with the present giving.

It's not as if your MIL hasn't already said that your ds will be getting a rather smaller present because this year he has a generous birthday present. So she doesn't come across as someone who is trying to "trump" anyone. It all comes across as a churlish, I'm afraid.

bluesbaby Wed 19-Nov-14 19:15:51
Your want your little one to miss out on a great present because you want to be the best present giver? hmm wrong attitude...

^^ That

I don't understand this attitude of parents needing to be the best at presents. People not wanting Father Christmas getting the credit or not wanting Grandmas present being the most expensive.

How odd to have some sort of present giving hierarchy

Fair enough if you'd said "we're getting ds this medium sized Lego set" and then granny shows up with gigantic mega super-duper Lego set making your offering look a bit crap (like my mother does) but I can't see your problem here I'm afraid.

Sorry whose the 7yr old. You or him?

Churlish petulant childish selfish etc etc etc

Yes. I have cried and sobbed and begged her to stick to one present for my children. But instead she arrives every single time and gives them armfuls. It's been going on for years.

Last year I laid out the wrapped presents she had bought for one of my THREE children at Christmas and it covered my bed. Times that by three and you may start to see the problem.

One year she filled three huge present sacks with clothes for my 8yo dd on her birthday.

I'm not ungrateful. She also does the same to me with 'gifts' of photo frames, vases, candles every time she visits (she's not often invited these days). We recently moved house and filled three skips with clutter and stuff from the loft. The vast majority had come from her in the way of 'gifts'.

It's what grandparents are for, to spoil their grandchildren. Be grateful your son has grandparents that love him and care about him. Don't teach him that how much someone loves you can be measure monetarily, which is what you're in danger of doing.

Ah, okay, well that actually makes me feel a lot better- I don't want to be cross! I think it's cos we were maybe working up to buy this particular Lego set at some point. And I worry about him being 'spoiled' and materialistic. He already has a ridiculous amount of Lego and knows very well how much this set costs. But hey. You're probably all very right, I can see how I would seem churlish or in competition. That's not how it feels to me but perhaps I should chill the fuck out!!

grandparents should g get smaller presents than parents? Right so when i was getting stuff off freecycle to give my kids should the grandparent have not got them anything? Or got a box of tissues? giving a gift the child will love is a joy. be grateful. I'm sure your child is.

your attitude though IS materialistic!

We always had out biggest presents from grandparents. I hadn't thought about it for forty years!

YABU. Both sets of grandparents are very well off, much more so than us as parents, and tend to buy my children fairly expensive presents. I am grateful as my children would likely not have these expensive things otherwise, or if they did, we would be going without other things.

Its not about you, its about your child, if they are happy with presents but get more from grandparents than you can sepnd on them , why would you worry? My parents always had more money to spend on my children than I did when they were younger, dont ever remember one of the kids turning around saying 'why didn't you spend this much on me, nanny and granddad did?' children do not know how much things cost they just are happy to get presents.

You should be grateful he has such generous grandparents. I am at a loss to understand why you think they have done something wrong.

I understand where you're coming from. But Yabu. Your son is very lucky and she probably feels very lucky to be able to treat him like that. Let her. It's what grandparents are for.. to make them feel extra special. surely all that matters is that he feels special?

She's normally very well behaved Wtf? You ungracious ragbag! You don't own your son, and you certainly can't dictate what presents his grandmother is "permitted" to give him.

Wow you are being massively unreasonable.

YABveryU.
Firstly a 7 yr old has no concept of one present costing more than another - they might like one present more than another, but that isn't necessarily the more expensive one.
Secondly, present giving isn't a competition.
Thirdly, Grandparents often are 'better off' than the child's parents, and have more available money to spend on presents - that's hardly unusual.
Fourthly, it's part of the job description of grandparents to spoil grandchildren.
You should be grateful that he is lucky enough to have such a lovely present given to him, not jealous.

Yabu

My grandmother was wealthy when I was growing up my mum wasn't, all my big expensive gifts/needs came from her. If my mum had yoyr attitude I'd have missed out. It's never affected my views on my mum and ice been brought up to not care how much a gift cost or who bought the biggest but just to be grateful for what I've got and lucky to have a family member who can afford and wants to spoil me.

I can sympathise. Have the same problem with my mil. I have had to learn to be grateful as my moaning pisses my dh off.

Poor op is still getting it in the neck!!

Of course I have said to him 'you lucky thing, what a generous grandma', I would never breathe a word of my own feelings to him. And I totally agree it should be about the gift and not the amount behind it, at least that's what I am teaching him. yes I get that I need to learn my own lesson! Anyway I'm enjoying that I've been called an 'ungracious ragbag' slopes off, chastened

OP has said she's fine with it now and feels better for reading the posts.