Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH needs to suck this up.

62 replies

ShockingBadHat · 19/11/2014 13:07

DH does a hobby out of the house two nights a week. Very occasionally he will miss the second night if he absolutely completely has to.

I have just started a business which involves working out of the house one or two nights a week. I did this with DH's full blessing and on the understanding that I would avoid AS FAR AS POSSIBLE clashing with his hobby nights.

Unfortunately Thursday night is a clash. I have tried to arrange a babysitter but no one I know can do it. I suggested DH could ask his brother to babysit but he won't ask him as he thinks he'll say no and he hates asking people for favours.

He is adamant he is going to his hobby (it is competitive and he has a competition in a few weeks). I am adamant I am not cancelling my meeting (which will earn us money).

Who is being unreasonable here? From his point of view he has invested time and money in the competition and if he doesn't do the training he will fail. And his evening was booked first.

From my point of view I can't turn down business in these early days of starting up. ALSO he could have asked his brother, I have already asked all my family and none can do it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FluffyRedSocks · 19/11/2014 14:47

Very true that if it's a set thing there should be more scope for flexibility!

Go down the paid babysitter route, and pay for one if he doesn't back down!

Littlef00t · 19/11/2014 16:42

Sounds like your likely to earn more than the babysitter costs, so go with that.

Preciousbane · 19/11/2014 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 19/11/2014 19:14

Sorry, lots of incorrect assumptions in my post, but if you are working FT AND setting up a business you are still NBU. You need more support, not less.

Original poster
ShockingBadHat · 19/11/2014 19:18

Thank you.

All solved anyway. My dad has canceled his plans for us Blush.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/11/2014 19:23

Oh glad it's sorted but I was going to say that work trumps hobby every time

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 19/11/2014 19:38

Glad it's sorted - I also think work trumps hobby (especially as it's a two nights a week hobby).

blackeyedsusie · 19/11/2014 19:38

glad it is sorted but your h was being unreasonable. seems he is trying to scupper your plans.

EverythingsRunningAway · 19/11/2014 19:46

You let your father cancel his plans so your husband could devote even more time to his hobbies?!

I can't get my head around adults who think their pastimes should put other people out to that extent.

Original poster
ShockingBadHat · 19/11/2014 20:17

My dad's plans were having my uncle round to watch a Film and they are doing that at our house now so everyone's happy.

I do feel guilty though.

OP posts:
Glossybum · 19/11/2014 20:18

Am I the only one that feels really disappointed that a "D"H would think so little of your new business venture that he would allow your dad to cancel his plans so that you can go to a business meeting.

My DH would cancel his plans immediately for me.

He cant be that "supportive" of your new business.

What are you going to do for future business meetings if your H is not happy to give up his hobby to let you go?

Sounds like it might fail before you've even had the chance to try and succeed.

Rozbos · 19/11/2014 20:22

I'm glad you've got it sorted but in our house work would definitely be more important than a hobby so in my opinion yanbu.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 19/11/2014 20:24

Your DH needs to look at how much time his hobbies are taking away from family time. It's really a bit shit to book 2 or 3 nights out every single week then refuse to get a babysitter if you want or need to go out.

hellyhants · 19/11/2014 20:28

Sorry if this has already been asked but could you have the meeting at your home?

GooseberryJam · 19/11/2014 20:29

It does sound rubbish that the very first time he was asked to do something he agreed he would do if needed, he has refused. And I agree that two nights out a week every week is a lot and puts you at a disadvantage for anything you want to do. What nature of event has it been to make him cancel on the few times he has done?

Original poster
ShockingBadHat · 19/11/2014 20:31

It really wouldn't usually be a problem. I have a huge family who are usually more than happy to pop by at short notice, it was just bad timing this time (but actually all sorted).

I do get a bit miffed that dh never likes to ask his parents or siblings for childcare help. But that's just how his family are, they aren't the sort to rally round with favours.

I'm pretty sure if it came to it he would have missed his hobby but he would have griped about it.

I do find both his hobbies quite restricting. Particularly in the summer months when his other hobby is in full swing every single Saturday night from 6 until midnight (although he does make money from it sometimes).

OP posts:
Original poster
ShockingBadHat · 19/11/2014 20:32

He will cancel for parents evenings and school events etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShockingBadHat · 19/11/2014 20:32

And it is really only because his competition is coming up (once a year). Usually he's a bit more flexible.

OP posts:
Glossybum · 19/11/2014 20:40

I am so glad its sorted. But its your new business venture....is that not as important as parents evening? Especially as it is going to be massively benefiting your family.

He shouldn't have to worry about asking his family for child care when the responsibility is his. If it was work he was also going to I could understand. But a hobby?

Could you not arrange the meeting at your home in future?

PurpleSwift · 19/11/2014 20:44

Work should always come first. I don't think the fact it's evening time makes a difference. Work trumps.

Vikingbiker · 19/11/2014 20:48

Pay the brother

TinkerbellaPan · 19/11/2014 21:17

Glad you resolved the issue Smile

It does sound unfair though. If you had hobbies (not a new company) that took up the same amount of time that his do, would your family life struggle to accomodate both?

If yes then it is unbalanced, and you and him need to realise this and decide whether you are happy.

If as a couple you have, for example, only 3 potential free "hobby-hours" a week due to work, children etc, then a fair share would be 1.5 hours each. Not 2.5 hrs to 30 minutes.

In general work comes before play (not to the extreme of course!), but by the sounds of it that is not the attitude he is taking.

EverythingsRunningAway · 20/11/2014 11:10

It really wouldn't usually be a problem. I have a huge family who are usually more than happy to pop by at short notice.

Doesn't it ever piss you off that he is happy to take full advantage of your family's kindness to facilitate his (extremely time consuming) hobbies by accepting help from them he isn't even prepared to ask his own family to provide?

Original poster
ShockingBadHat · 20/11/2014 12:07

Hadn't really given it much thought before tbh. It's a totally different dynamic though his lot are weird .

I've made him out to be a bit of an arse with this and he's really not, he's just a bit, erm, rigid about stuff sometimes.

OP posts:
EverythingsRunningAway · 20/11/2014 12:16

Fair enough :)

If you're going to make a success of starting a business on top of a full time job, he's going to have to get a lot less "rigid".

The available leisure time in your household will decrease significantly, and there is no way that won't affect his hobbies.

Swipe left for the next trending thread