AIBU about unsolicited bump touching

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I'm 20 weeks pregnant and just getting to the stage where I have an obvious bump, not just looking overweight. The other weekend, I was wearing a baggy jumper and MIL reached out and tried to feel for a bump without even asking! I'm worried that as I get bigger I'm going to have more and more people touching me like I'm public property without even a 'How do you do'. I don't like unnecessary touching as it is and I feel very self-conscious about being bigger, especially because people were just plain bloody rude about my size last time round. WIBU to ask people to please refrain from touching my bump? I'm concerned I might accidentally start slapping hands.

When did this become a 'thing'? I had my babies in the '80s and I don't recall a single instant of anyone touching my bump unasked, especially strangers! Even when I'd say 'Ooh, he's moving' my closest friends & relatives (even my mum and MiL) would either ask or wait for me to say 'do you want to feel?'.

I do recall one very elderly gentleman (I worked with them) remarking on my belly and remembering his late wife's pregnancies. He was so poignant that I did ask him if he wanted to feel the baby. He did and his eyes teared up. He said 'Bless you little baby, bless your mummy, too' very quietly.

I do agree that touching anyone unasked is not appropriate. I admit to the urge when I see an expectant mother, but I would never do it, nor would I ask to. Nor would I touch another person's baby without being invited. But I think that for many people, childbearing is so full of joy and memories (or longing for those who haven't experienced it) that they forget themselves. A little tolerance and politeness goes a long way. I think I'd just say "Please don't" with a smile or just move out of range if possible. I don't think I'd slap anyone away or say something rude. Unless, of course, they didn't listen.

Yes we're very precious, wanting autonomy over our bodies and all

Oh do get a grip. You sound quite mad.

I don't like people touching me unsolicited when not pregnant. Why would this change because I am?

If anything, I like it less.

If I'm not married to you or related to you, don't touch me.

And you sound angry. Why is that?

Look, it's great that you like people touching your bump, good for you that you feel like this allows you to share your pregnancy etc. But can you try to understand that some people feel differently? Some people might have experienced abuse in the past. Others might experience pain when touched. Some just don't like it. Can you understand that not everyone has the same outlook?

Would you go up to anyone you know and just rest your hand on their tummy if thy weren't pregnant? No. It's your body and I really hated being touched by complete randoms when I was pregnant. I didn't mind my Mum or sister but no one else. I'm not a tactile person anyway and would jump out of the way if I saw a hand coming in my direction.
It's not rude to say please don't touch me. Maybe people just don't realise how personal it is and it can cause upset.

The best response I've heard of is to tell the toucher, "touching my belly really aggravates my morning sickness," and then start to make a queasy face.

of course it is the pregnant persons body and they have every right not to have their bump touched, and i would never touch anyone else´s bump they couldn´t possibly have such lovely bundles of loveliness in their tummies that i had

But . . . I think it is a hangover from the herd behaviour that meant in tough circumstances the group looked after the pregnant woman and they all had an investment in the future child, so I don´t blame people who are more demonstrative iyswim

People have such convoluted reactions! I just smiled and said No Thankyou firmly when asked or when people approached with hands outstretched. I only once had to follow up with I Mean It and accompanying Fuck Off Face

I'm amazed that anyone would defend the right of any old random to touch a woman's bump....that's really odd.

I really don't get it as I've personally never been tempted to touch someone's tummy except when they've invited me to because baby is kicking (and even then it was weird and freaky!)

But when I was pregnant with DD I did get groped a lot, including by MIL. It is a violation because you're being touched without someone asking, and they wouldn't do it if you were just fat. I hated my tummy button being touched when it turned outy, blergh! I was a wimp but this time I think I'll say "please don't do that, it's uncomfortable for me"

Look, it's great that you like people touching your bump, good for you that you feel like this allows you to share your pregnancy etc

Far from it, I wouldn't like it at all! I think it's very strange and presumptuous, nobody ever did to me apart from the odd time I may have invited it. Of course people shouldn't do it and I wouldn't like it at all.

I just think some of your reactions are borderline hysterical. I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't dwell on it or refer to it as a violation or speak about bodily autonomy as that makes it sounds sinister and makes you sound precious and slightly ridiculous.

No-one tried to touch mine. Maybe I give off a fuck off vibe

I didn't mind my bump being touched, that's not to say that people should just do it because I'm obviously in the minority.

My baby was such an active baby that you could see my belly moving from across the room. It gave me a lot of joy to see peoples faces when my baby gave them a kick.

I had poly with ds and my bump was very, very painful. I couldn't touch it, let alone allow strangers to.

Should I have got over myself Emily? Since that pain was such a teeny part of my life?

Did you bother to read my posts before weighing in? I said the reactions on this thread are hysterical. I also agreed I would not like to encounter a bump toucher.

I never did. Never met anyone in real-life who suffered this either.

Trust me, the people getting worked up about bump touchers will get equally snappy at the end of their pregnancy over people daring to ask how it's going. It's the sort of thing that goes hand in hand. Hormones I guess.

And the most hysterical thing of all is that nobody has even touched the OP's bump yet (apart from MIL). She's just worried they might!

You are annoying.

Just tell them to not touch it.

Emily you have been very unpleasant on this thread. Calling people hysterical, mad and minimalising their feelings is really shitty.

And saying that everyone who complains about bump touching will be doing X Y and Z later in pregnancy - you've just said you don't know anyone who had their bump touched, so I don't think you are that clued up on the psychology now, do you?

My DW used to slap the hand away and give them a glare that would have soured milk at 100 yards - she HATED it and would tell people so.

In fairness, if someone just reached out and touched me for no reason I'd be wanting a good explanation.

I gave good 'fuck off' vibes too, so wasn't actually touched by any strangers, but did have a few that froze instantaneously with an arm partly outstretched when I gave them a death glare...

I had a dear friend who loved having a grope all the time and I told her to stop it, she kept doing it so I slapped her hand away (gently, I didn't full on wack it!). She joked to other friends about it when we were out one night and they all said 'too bloody right she should slap your hand'. She did have the grace to be embarrassed about it though.

YANBU anyone stretching a hand towards my bump will have it slapped away. Especially when I have a detaching amnotic sac.

I had this with my first when I was with my family is my home country. Drove me insane. I am not a naturally physically touchy person and I am sure being pregnant made it worse!! I remember my mother getting very snippy when I had told dsis to back off. I said I don't like hugs so why on earth would I let you touch my belly!!!!!!!! She still felt that I should let her but did back down after the third slap of the hand and the comment 'I hate it. Get off!!'