AIBU about unsolicited bump touching

[Discopanda]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and just getting to the stage where I have an obvious bump, not just looking overweight. The other weekend, I was wearing a baggy jumper and MIL reached out and tried to feel for a bump without even asking! I'm worried that as I get bigger I'm going to have more and more people touching me like I'm public property without even a 'How do you do'. I don't like unnecessary touching as it is and I feel very self-conscious about being bigger, especially because people were just plain bloody rude about my size last time round. WIBU to ask people to please refrain from touching my bump? I'm concerned I might accidentally start slapping hands.

A stranger in Boots started feeling my bump when I was pregnant with DS - I gave her a weird look and asked her what she thought she was doing - she started to say something about bumps and babies - I looked at her as if she was nuts and said what baby?? She vamooosed really quickly!! LOL!!!

nancyraygun it doesn't matter if you think it's caring, it's still touching someone elses's body without their consent. Of course pregnant women are entitled to be cross if someone does that, why on earth shouldn't they be?

And not wanting to be touched by random strangers doesn't make someone a princess ! How weird.

It's not "being touched", it's being touched "on the bump" during pregnancy - a state of being humans find fascinating and exciting. I think it's churlish to complain - you might not like it that much but to react with the level of vitriol some posters have described strikes me as weird! But that is just my opinion.

Just say if you touch my tummy I will fart :)

when I said "you" might not like it that much I meant a general "you" - not just you fatlazymummy !

A disliked work colleague stroked mine. I was a touch hormonal (not sleeping well) and really didn't like him: it was the one and only time I have ever used the C word in anger. Not very professional, and lost some of it's potency when I jumped backwards, fell off a curb and landed on my giant pregnant behind.

The 'bump' is still part of the pregnant woman's body, Nancy. You might have felt ok with that being public property but plenty of us aren't.
If someone is fascinated by pregnancy then there's plenty of ways of finding out about it other than touching someone without asking them 1st.

NancyRaygun is totally wrong - I hated having anyone (other than family or children) touching my bump but people seemed to feel that a pregnant woman was public property.

However now I am older (50s) I often have the urge to stroke younger colleagues' bumps. I never have (remembering how much I hated it) but maybe it's an age thing

And nancy it goes both ways, of course. I wouldn't dream of touching someone else's 'bump' without asking 1st. That's because I'm not rude and entitled.

NancyRaygun, I don't care whether someone thinks they're being "caring" or not, they still don't have the right to lay their hands on someone else's body.

Stroking someone's hair or face can be a caring act, but you wouldn't do it to a stranger...

Plus, on a personal level, I fucking hate being touched by strangers (like, for instance, when someone unintentionally grabs your arm or shoulder to get past you in a crowd). Add hormones and a big pregnant belly into account and I will not take it well!

*that should be unnecessarily, not unintentionally, doh...

I just feel intention is important here - people are not trying to hurt you (I hope!) so I can't see a problem with it, it feels so closed of to be uptight about it.

I am not "totally wrong" - Mitzi50 I just disagree with some opinions here (and I see to be a lone voice!) and I don't assume that everyone loves being touched on the bump, in fact it seems like most people DISlike it with intensity! I simply feel that life and pregnancy is too short to get so CROSS about it. And over the top to use words like "consent".

closed OFF

nancy you are wrong, actually. Touching someone without their consent is technically an assault, which is why health care professionals are supposed to ask permission before they carry out any procedure.

Touching someone without their consent is technically an assault

eyeroll. You don't think that is a teensy bit OTT?

DHs best friend came up with an absolute corker when i was pg with ds. He suggested telling people they were in fact touching a small boy.

nancy it's actually a fact, whether you like it or not.

I mean how would you feel if a work colleague came up to you and stroked your hair ?

I've haven't got any children but I really dislike being touched unnecessarily. I would without even thinking slap someone's hand away if they did this to me. Would be just a reflex.

Touching a bump is a caring act, it says "I care about you, I care about your pregnancy and I am excited for you"

Er, really? The random woman who grabbed my bump outside the supermarket during my last pregnancy was saying that? I don't think so. Bump touching is all about the toucher, not about the pregnant woman at all. Otherwise, they would ask, right? If you really cared about someone wouldn't you say "excuse me, do you mind?"

Oh Lordy, you need to get over yourselves. I hate how precious some women get when they're pregnant. I guarantee you'll all be on the "best insults to throw at well-meaning friends who dare to text/email/phone me around my due date to wish me well - bastards!" Then you'll be on the "friends and family keep wanting to touch my baby - bastards, he's MY baby, waa haaa!"

Seriously, it's a teeny part of your life, I bet it doesn't happened ALL the time, don't be so precious.

Enjoy growing new life and take joy from the fact that others wish you well.

I agree that the act is for the benefit of the toucher, not the touchee, otherwise they would ask whether you minded before jumping in and grabbing you. FWIW, the person who touched my bump was a woman who I barely knew from the petrol station so not someone who would have given me a second thought if she had never seen me again - hardly someone close enough to 'care' about me, more someone who wanted to feel a bump and decided mine would do.

My friend has been doing that since I told her I was pregnant in confidence.

The thing is, I am only just 11 weeks and do not have a bump.

She's become really overhearing and is driving me insane

Yes we're very precious, wanting autonomy over our bodies and all!