Can I ask if this would upset/offend you?

[JaneFonda]

Another thread got me thinking about this, and I just thought I'd ask here because I'd really appreciate honest answers!

If someone uses the incorrect terminology for something eg. Disabled toilet instead of accessible toilet, or autistic child instead of child with autism, does it offend you?

I really try not to upset anyone and to be sensitive when I talk, but reading threads on here has made me realise that I may inadvertently be doing so by using incorrect phrases that I genuinely didn't know weren't the right thing to say.

I understand different people prefer or dislike different terminology, but I'm just curious as to if it's upsetting for you when someone uses the wrong word.

No, not generally. I describe my DS as being autistic or having autism, depending on the situation / context. I get more annoyed by someone very sanctimoniously 'correcting' other people's usage.

I do find it offensive if someone says that a child 'is ASD' or 'is SN'.

I am autistic and have an autistic child. I prefer that to person/child with autism but I'm not offended by someone using the other in good faith. What I am offended by is people without the condition who appoint themselves as terminology inspector and 'correct' other people or who just think they know better than autistic people. I have on occasion here been totally ripped to shreds by people for using 'autistic person'.

it depends on the intent for me IRL, but recently watching Loose Women I know they were talking about a lady with downs syndrome, well interviewing her mother. They repeatedly said "downs child" rather than a child with downs symdrome and it bugged me. But not the lady's own mother so who am I to be "offended" I guess.

I wonder why people think others are feigning offence? I must have missed something.

I have had a debate with another mum about the term autistic child as opposed to child with autism. I personally don't like it (just like I don't like it when someone is referred to as schizophrenic or depressive as opposed to a person with ...). The reason for this is that I feel its too easy to dismiss someone with a label and think that tells you all you need to know, rather than understanding the person and that this is one aspect of them. I don't want my son written off with that because he is so much more than that label. The other mum disagreed with me and felt that as long as her son was getting support she didn't care what people called him. Fair enough on both counts, I'm not offended by it, I just think its a bit lazy.

Borka - just read your post and YY. That drives me batty and I do correct people who say that!

At work I often read about voluntary work that young people have done. I find it offensive to read about "poor unfortunates" or "the handicapped" or "mentally retarded people" or "he was an Autistic".

I find it offensive because they have reduced the person to nothing more than their disability and they are using that disability in a very self serving way (I can't go into details because of confidentiality). And some terms are just down right offensive.

I don't find it offensive to read about people genuinely doing self-less and well intentioned things but not getting the terminology quite right. Although that rarely happens where someone has spent any amount of time with someone with a disability.

It's not possible to keep up with what the PC term might be from one day to the next. Not to mention tht the accepted terms vary massively across the country, never mind the world! I work in the ASN sector in Scotland, I believe similar settings are referred to as SEN in England which I wouldn't dream of saying because it's classed as "offensive" here. You can't win. If someone is going to be pedantic enough to leap on your choice of phrase then you're probably fighting a losing battle anyway!x

IME the people most likely to be offended, no not offended because they have no reason to be, but the ones most likely to say it's offensive are those who don't have the issue concerned and have never been involved with someone who does.

The terms do change and if you're not working or involved in that field you only know the words you heard last time it came up. As others have said, it's the sentiment of the words that matters. i.e in some sentences or tones a word could be an insult in another it's just old fashioned.

George Carlin said that it's not words that are offensive, it's the intention behind them. A word is just a word but if someone is being malicious then it becomes offensive.

It makes me bristle when people say "he's autistic" instead of "he has autism" but not generally enough to correct them. However I think it's ok to do so because if you don't people will never know. It's just raising awareness and I would never take offence if I were corrected for getting terminology wrong.

I have two dc with ASD and other additional needs so it's big part of my lift and I am made aware daily how much ignorance there is towards it.

DS2 has Down's Syndrome. "Down's boy" makes me so sad. You wouldn't call a child with cancer "cancer boy" and it feels the same to me, yet I hear it weekly, including from education professionals. I genuinely think people don't realise. There is a great campaign that I would strongly recommend Losethelabel

I'm disabled, but didn't know it was offensive to say that?

It is a struggle. I thought "disabled" was the correct term.

I know several parents who have told me their DC are Autistic, as opposed to that the have autism.

I would never intentionally use an offensive term, but how am I supposed to know what they are?

"you can easily tell from the tone and content of what someone is saying if they are generally sensitive and understanding about these issues but maybe gets the terminology a bit wrong"

Who's to say the terminology is "wrong", itiswhatitis? Perhaps it's not to someone's liking but that doesn't mean it's wrong (though I'll grant you "disabled toilet" because it's poor English!).

I don't find these terms offensive, JaneFonda. The only people I've come across who do are certain MN posters. The reaction in real life to "disabled toilet" vs "accessible toilet" is exactly the same as far as I've ever seen or heard.

I've never heard of "child with autism" as an alternative to "autistic child". What's the difference?

MovingOnUp I agree with you that describing someone as 'an autistic' is horrible, but I think that saying 'an autistic person' is very different.

The only one that really upsets me is 'confined' to a wheelchair. No, uses a wheelchair, but certainly not confined to one.

Interesting thread. MN has certainly made me conscious of the terminology I use in RL.

There is a very small part of my job which sometimes requires us to use terminology surrounding disabilities when speaking to the public, however it is such a small part that we have not been given any kind of training or guidance on it. I have no personal experience of disability either. Yet I heard myself saying recently "children with additional needs" whereas pre-MN I might have said "autistic children" or similar, meaning of course no offence.

So really I am glad for every thread I've read where a poster's language has been picked up on - I would hate to cause offence or upset to anybody in RL.

As a medical writer, I always use the X with Y phraseology - a person has cancer (for example), rather than is a cancer patient. The reason is because their cancer should not define them - it is something that they happen to have, but it is not necessarily the most important thing about them as a person.

Having said that, I do refer to myself sometimes as an asthmatic, which is a term for a person with asthma - that and diabetic are terms that are so engrained into our language that it feels as though it makes more of a big deal of it if I laboriously avoid them when speaking.

The one thing I would never do, is refer to anyone "suffering" with asthma/diabetes/cancer/boils. They may in fact be in pain at that moment, or severely incapacitated, in which case they may feel the term to be appropriate, but mostly it isn't for me to say what they are feeling.

Yes I agree Borka.

I also get contact with people with disabilities and should I need to mention their disability then I use the terminology they use. Just basic politeness I would think?

A child with or who has autism means that's just one part of them.

An autistic child labels the whole child as autistic, identifying that is being their primary characteristic.

As a parent to two autistic children I don't like that.

Here's a recent discussion; it includes some information about why people have certain preferences in this area.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2235571-To-correct-the-teachers-wording-Disability-related-homework

I think often that many people are far too easily offended.
As others have said, it is intention that counts - but even then I would not be easily offended.
What people say, says something about them...not you.

I never take daft comments or even insults seriously.

It's ignorance to use incorrect terminology to describe additional needs. In what other area of life or education is it ok to say "it's fine to be ignorant towards you or that subject because I didn't intend it to mean that?"

I had no idea that a disabled toilet was supposed to be called an accessible toilet. Is that common knowledge? Does that also go for parking spaces for the disabled? Is disabled the wrong word now? A parking space on the road near my house has disabled written on it.

I do get a bit of a jolt when I read people in the US referring to people as handicapped. I suppose they would be oblivious.

My ds has autism as does my db. I do not care how people put it:

X is autistic
X has autism

Don't even care if people say "x has difficulties" or something like that.

If the person is trying to show ds some consideration or include or help him then I'm not bothered. The person's intentions are far more important than how they've expressed it. The brain controls everything a person does and ds is autistic because of the way his brain is "wired". Autism often affects all the senses. So I think it is actually fair to say that he's an autistic child. I have however noticed that school never say the word autism when we are planning stuff for ds.

But I do understand my views on this matter are unpopular on Mumsnet .