To wonder if all this utter bollocks is simply part of the Proper Job market these days

[SolidGoldBrass]

I have a new job. I don't like it very much, but the money's good and I desperately need it.
A part of the job involves going on training courses - which is fair enough. I'm working in an unfamiliar area and I have lots to learn: no problem with that.

But the language in the training materials makes me feel ill. It's not a fucking 'personal development journey'; I don't need to be 'reflective and mindful' - I need to learn how to do the job, do it competently and get paid. It's admin work, not psychiatry or woo-peddling.

Maybe I am just too old, but back in the days when I had more regular work (ie 9-5 in offices) I never had this sort of rubbish to deal with. I just did what I was asked to do, and if I didn't know how to do something I asked whoever was nearby and had been there longer than me. I have, admittedly, spent the past 15 years or so working freelance, or pretty much so, and nearly all those jobs have been about going and doing something and then sending an invoice. Is it always going to be like this if I ever want a well-paid job again?

Crucru I hate 'what are our take homes?'

I'm left thinking 'The only thing I am taking home is my pay cheque. Husband and kids are already at home waiting for me you motherfer.'

Yanbu, I hate this too! At work everyone has to have a 'personal development plan' that they update regularly with their manager 'team leader' and it has to mention their leadership skills, influencing skills etc these also get discussed at leadership meetings, as well as by the talent acquisition team etc. What a load of bullshit.

Actually I suppose there is some moral righteousness in my horror. The area of local government I am now working in is... education. That's probably mostly why I want to kill and eat them all. They are going to start inflicting this crap on the kids.

Thank you LurkingHusband but it appears I'm not the only one

Carrierpenguin and IrianofWay I think I work in the same place as at least one of you...

I work in Marketing. For an American company. You've got to feel for me.

think yourself lucky. I am a nurse and my latest training was in 'preventing terrorism' - I'll just add that to my list of jobs, shall I?

Of course, we were trying to intercept their terrorist 'journey'

Maybe you could reach out to the terrorist and disrupt their personal journey by close of play?

Yaddnbu. Dh wearily drags along and goes through all this tosh from time to time. He says the younger crowd are all into it whilst he sits there like an old fossil harrumphing quietly to himself.

We need to socialise this

No we fucking don't. We need to distribute and discuss.

might grab them by the low hanging fruit

We are no longer allowed to refer to the shop floor at work as "the shop floor".

No no. It's now "the service floor", because it's the place where all our "fantastic service happens!"

"It's complete shite" was, I believe, my poetic response when my manager first told me. And I still refuse to say it.

Some well paid arse actually got fucking paid to come up with that! No bloody wonder the company is tanking.

Firstly, it seems no cunt can make a tv documentary without 'going in a journey' these days either.

But secondly, we all hate this bollocks speech right? So who the hell is coming up with it all the time? Does everyone hate it and no one dare say?

(I've long held the same belief about nightclubs, that no one really likes them but they go because they think it's what they are meant to like).

"Following a recent review of our internal stock-holding provision, and having consulted with all relevant stakeholders using both verbal and non-verbal methodology, an identification has been made of the expeditious requirement to update the level of consumables at the earliest opportunity. The procurement facilitator will therefore arrange a face-to-face with the preferred supplier with immediate effect".

Right then, I'm off down the chip shop.

Taxi - that's brilliant!

My gay, Jewish/ Jamaican, bipolar male friend was sent on a diversity training course to learn all about prejudice from a heterosexual white man in a suit.

I work for an american company, reporting directly into an american. Life is full of this stuff.
An extension to buzzword bingo is my new hobby of finding which management book someone high up (in the 'c suite' as they say) has been reading lately. I have actually taught my boss to play this, especially after a recent meeting (sorry 'off site') where all of the presenters quoted the books they believed in - and none of them was the same

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newspeak

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newspeak

lets see if this works again, I'm so doh at this

how can I link this? I've forgot

Copy the link... Paste it.
It'll auto convert.

I've been in the world of stakeholders, actioning, going forwards and break-out areas for so long they now sound vaguely normal to me.

My boss has started deep diving and I have no fucking clue what she means. Curated keeps popping up with alarming regularity too. Like curating something is cleverer than any other kind of, well, just being responsible for something, or selecting some things from a bunch of other things.

The best thing I heard recently was about a Knowledge Artisan. I shit you not. Honest to god.

I haven't read the thread because my reaction to the OP was so strong that I couldn't wait to post.

Couldn't agree with you more. I detest all that woolly stuff and hugely resent it. It's crap and insulting to anyone with the merest hint of intelligence and worst of all, it's entirely useless. Which makes it a huge waste of time and effort. Utter, utter bollocks.

Makes me feel the RAGE!!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newspeak

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newspeak