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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to politely decline to use the disabled loo?

448 replies

MsIngaFewmarbles · 18/11/2014 20:00

I was waiting in a long queue for the loo in a coffee chain and saw a lady with crutches head into the disabled toilet. She came out while I was still queueing. Another lady further back in the queue caught my eye and offered for me to go in first. I declined saying that I wasn't disabled so wasn't entitled to use it. She then countered away to her friends telling them that she was going to use it as 'it was the law' that if it wasn't being used you could use it. I couldn't face an argument so just ignored her. It's still bothering me that I should have said something to her and corrected her.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsIngaFewmarbles · 18/11/2014 21:36

Patrick, IBS sounds like a perfectly valid reason for using those loos :)

OP posts:
Neverbuyheliumbalonz · 18/11/2014 21:37

What's the consensus on taking a buggy into a disabled toilet, if you cannot get it into the other toilets?

LadyLuck10 · 18/11/2014 21:38

How would you know if someone had ibs/chrons anyway?

Dawndonnaagain · 18/11/2014 21:38

I have an eidetic memory.

WhiffOfBath · 18/11/2014 21:39

YANBU a thousand times over.

CrohnicallyAnxious · 18/11/2014 21:40

penelope I have Crohn's disease. 99.9% of the time, I wait for a regular toilet, even if I need a poo. However, there are times when I need the toilet NOW, spasms can hit which are painful enough to drop me to the floor, or I can be spending so much effort holding my bowels that I can't walk properly, only waddle. When either of those happen I am heading for the nearest available toilet, because in approximately 30 seconds (when the spasm eases) I am going to start having uncontrollable diarrhoea, and that won't be pleasant for me, the person who has to clean up after me, or anybody else within the smell radius (which is pretty damn far!)

Thankfully on the handful of occasions when I have really needed them, I have found a toilet (often accessible) free. Obviously this wouldn't be the case if there was a queue of people waiting and a stream of people in the accessible toilet who were 'just a minute' each.

Dawndonnaagain · 18/11/2014 21:40

I really wouldn't go there Never. Your baby will grow. Your baby won't be kidnapped. My baby is 18 and still needs the disabled lavatory. Sad

Letthemtalk · 18/11/2014 21:41

Accessible toilets are accessible in that people with a range of disabilities are able to use them, it does not mean that they will always be unoccupied. There are lots of people who wouldn't legally be classed as having a disability who might need urgent access to a toilet. There are some people who are disabled who are able to use non accessible toilets. The arguments just go round in circles. I'd use an accessible toilet if no others were free and there wasn't someone else wanting to use it. So shoot me.

Dawndonnaagain · 18/11/2014 21:43

Letthem
So nice. Succinct. Selfish.

TheFairyCaravan · 18/11/2014 21:43

YANBU missing.

Disabled toilets are for disabled people (including people with conditions like Chron's, IBS, bladder problems). It's quite easy.

Why do people think they go unused at the theatre? I'm disabled and go to the theatre, I go to concerts and other events. Just because people have a disability doesn't mean they stay in after dark, you know!

As for "I look around to see if there is anyone who is disabled"Hmm WTF does a disabled person look like? Do people wear a "I have Chrons" badge or something?

Some people need to educate themselves!

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 18/11/2014 21:43

Where I live pretty much all the public loos have at least one (unless it is an older building that is not possible to adapt and has an exemption) often you will get a bathroom that has two cubicles and one is an accessible one. Sometimes you have only one and that is accessible.

I do think so long as you check that noone is waiting for the accessible one it is fine. If everyone going in first checks then noone has to wait more than one person which you might have to do anyway if another person with medical needs is in there. I don't think it is right that someone should have to wait for ten people to pass to use the accessible loo.

Our accessible loos are not marked disabled or handicapped. They are just bigger. In big public places like airports and theme parks they often have single user rooms and accessible stalls.

Sparkyduchess · 18/11/2014 21:51

Chrohnically, you can't fight with stupid. I have Cd too, and have had several humiliating mishaps thanks to selfish, lazy idiots who don't see the harm in using an accessible toilet for convenience.

Yes, sometimes they're already in use by someone with a disability but those who are too stupid to understand the principle of maximising the likelihood of availability for those of us who really can't wait will just never get it.

JubJubBirds · 18/11/2014 21:51

Hope this helps someone:
I have issues with my bladder. I have a radar key and also a little medical card which I can flash at people if I need to jump a queue or use a toilet in a shop which would normally be staff only. If there's anyone on this thread who feels like they have a condition which means they would benefit from one of these cards then have a chat with whoever it is on your medical team who you have most regular contact with, or get in touch with the bladder and bowel foundation.

Wishtoremainunknown · 18/11/2014 21:52

I was somewhere the other week in the ladies when I realised he majority of the toilets in there were accessible - with rails and slightly larger. Didn't notice til I sat down. When I came out it clicked all the stalls were larger. More places should do that.

Sparkyduchess · 18/11/2014 21:52

Self confessed - you don't think you should have to wait in order to stop someone who needs the accessible loo suffering needlessly? Fuck me, the lack of empathy is astounding.

PrincessTheresaofLiechtenstein · 18/11/2014 21:54

I don't use the accessible toilets because I am able to wait. Also - someone up thread said it was silly to have 30 people waiting for one toilet and one toilet standing empty. I am glad that in reality that is often the case. If it became normalised for all people to queue for the accessible toilet as well, so a queue of 15 deep for each, then I expect that what would happen is that when someone in a wheelchair arrived, people would happily let them go in front, but anyone arriving with other, not so visible needs, would either have to explain why they needed to go in front to the whole of the queue or would suffer pain in silence.

Letthemtalk · 18/11/2014 21:54

I think there are 2 issues though. First is about having facilities that people with disabilities can use. The second is about actually having enough toilets so that anyone who needs one urgently can use one. In terms of having shorter queues and more toilets available to people who need them urgently it would actually make more sense for people to make use of the disabled toilets.

Let's say there are three toilets, the disabled one is in use as is one of the others. Should I avoid using the free one in case someone else needs it more urgently than me?? Of course I shouldn't.

Sparkyduchess · 18/11/2014 21:55

Yes, of course you should!! Man alive, why is that so hard to understand?

pissinmy2shoes · 18/11/2014 21:56

wow how people miss the point
massively

MrsDeVere · 18/11/2014 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SockDrawer · 18/11/2014 22:00

Nooo Mrs, not the parking threads, anything but that. I love them Wink

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 18/11/2014 22:01

Ok so what about a place I frequent locally, there are three stalls in the women's. Two are larger, one is smaller. If there are five people in line (which if I'm honest has never happened because it that particular place is usually completely empty) we should all wait for that one stall out of three?

Also what about what the person said above? If the accessible stall is in use and so is a regular size stall then should we leave a regular stall empty in case someone with IBS comes in?

The real solution here that noone ever seems to talk about is that we should make all toilet stalls accessible.

Wishtoremainunknown · 18/11/2014 22:04

I just said that. I agree. It might not be possible with hosists and proper changing tables but accessibility should be.

Neverbuyheliumbalonz · 18/11/2014 22:04

Let's say there are three toilets, the disabled one is in use as is one of the others. Should I avoid using the free one in case someone else needs it more urgently than me?? Of course I shouldn't.

I don't know about 'shouldn't' but I know 99% of the population wouldn't. In lots of places the disabled loo is relatively far away from the ladies/gents loos - if you walked into the toilet and saw that 1 of the two cubicles was occupied, would you really then walk back out to the disabled loo to check that that was free before going back in to use the remaining free cubicle?!

slithytove · 18/11/2014 22:06

Ok.

So YOU think it's ok to use the disabled loo.

YOU are capable of waiting, but choose not to, because it's empty and you can't see anyone disabled Hmm

Are YOU really ok with being the person delaying someone who desperately needs that toilet? Ok with being the person keeping the 13 year old in a dirty nappy, ok with being the person causing someone with crohns to soil themselves, ok with being the person leaving someone with ibs in pain, ok with being the person causing a toddler having to use the main loos and be terrified of the hand dryers?

For the sake of queuing?

I would love answers to the above from anyone who would use an empty disabled loo.