to think that my husband should agree to accept the money from my parents?

[runningandjumping]

We decided to buy a house (we're renting at the moment) and my parents offered to give us a large sum of money for our deposit, so that we have less mortgage to repay. Now my husband doesn't want to take money from my parents, as he doesn't want to owe them anything and thinks that they would interfere more should we accept the money. Generally my parents and DH have a good relationship, so I'm surprised by his reaction. I haven't told anything to my parents yet, as it would probably offend them. They can afford helping us and my children are their only grandchildren. Do you think I should try to persuade my DH to take the money?

I have lovely inlaws (doesnt mean we always agree on everything though). I would accept the money but your DH does need to be okay with it. If you are saving any money with a reduced mortgage compared to what you pay in rent would it be possible to do something he would like (family trip/saved for children etc....). We aim to give our child/ren money for deposits and would want them to accept.

The money is likely to come to you when they die anyway so much better you get it now rather than the state taking 40% of it on their death as inheritance tax

Yes and also it gives them pleasure to know your enjoying it too.

Never a borrower or a lender be...and imho, if you have to the former, don't do it from family unless it's totally unavoidable.

My ILs have always insisted on lending us money, mainly when the family car has needed replacing/major work (and I mean really insisted, DH should have grown a pair vbut there would have been hell to pay).

Even though we've paid them back, albeit very slowly, MIL constantly makes us feel like the poor relations and is forever pronouncing that we can't afford whatever it is we might mention we're thinking of doing/buying. She discovered earlier this week that we've bought a limited edition print for ourselves for Christmas. She went to the shop the following day and found out how much we're paying for it, told DH we couldn't afford it, and has been on the phone to me today offering me stuff from her Christmas present stash to save me buying DD anything myself ODFOD

My parents have also helped me out with post student & post redundancy debt over the years and while they don't go on and on about it, my mum will throw it back at me if I we have a major row.

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I'm with your DH on this one. Perhaps you could do the house purchase yourselves but agree that parents could help with some of the DCs costs. I am always much more comfortable with accepting money for DDs benefit (my parents have always bought her a lot of clothes, and the ILs paid for music lessons).

I'd tell my mum and dad not to be silly and if hey've got money going spare to spend the money on themselves if/while they can. Go on luxury holidys, buy a fancy car, spoil themselves with luxuries, they've obviously earned it.

If they 'loan' it to you it will have to be unofficially and they will have to write officially that it is a gift and not a loan and they don't expect any repayment or any claim to the property, otherwise the bank wont let you use it as a deposit.

I think you need to find out a lot more about what the strings are attached to this money. Your DH is quite rightly cautious, since you have no idea whether this is a loan or a gift, or when it might be called in! (What happens if you parents suddenly need the money for some reason?)

There could be all kinds of expectations attached to the cash that you're not aware of. Definitely needs more bottoming out before you decide.

I agree with your DH Are your parents in good health. Are they likely to need money for care later on. Is it possible they could be accused of deprivation of capital if this turned out to be the case.

Ive been in you DH's position. I caved and accepted the loan. Then felt guilty every time I bought frivolous new boots or had my hair highlighted or whatever. I felt it constantly hanging over me.

Whatever you decide, it has to be a decision you BOTH feel comfortable with.