to ask DB not to bring turkey?

[LilyTheSlink]

We (DP, kids and I) are having my parents and siblings over for Christmas day.

We're vegetarian, and will be having nut roast, etc. The oven will be ram packed.
DBrother wants to bring a turkey/turkey portion.

WIBU to say no? Is it mean of me, given that he'd probably prepare it all himself?

ah well, he accepted your invitation to a vegetarian Christmas dinner, I think he is being rather unreasonable now expecting to bring turkey along with him. He should have just politely refused the invitation in the first place.

If you hate the smell of meat, YANBU to not want it in your house, as you gave fair warning.

I wouldn't want a veggie Xmas dinner myself (despite having been veggie for nearly 15 years in the past) but if I'd accepted the invitation, I'd gratefully enjoy whatever it is you cooked. But I wouldn't have accepted the invitation.

How about inviting him to join you for the evening instead so he can have his turkey elsewhere?

Also- you sound a bit like an evangelical vegetarian, who feels the need constantly to remind people that you do not share their disgusting habit of eating meat...

As I said I am absolutely fine with veggie cooking. I would be annoyed of a friend or family member constantly needed to remind me that they were veggie, though, for example by inviting me "for a vegetarian Christmas dinner". It's christmas, for gods sake!

If someone invited me to dinner and served me a veggie meal- yum, and no problem.

If someone invited me to dinner and harped on about the fact that it would be vegetarian- I probably would decline for fear we would spend the whole meal talking about their lifestyle choices!!!!

I think it's too bad when people don't want to try your lovingly prepared food. Lots of meat eaters have a chip on their shoulder.

I am vegetarian, and I would always act pleased with whatever friends or family offered me. I would also offer to bring something for everyone to share.

Presumably your brother does eat vegetables and grains, so this is not equivalent to providing ONLY meat for a vegetarian friend.

Yes, like others have said, any other day I would be ok to eat a vegetarian meal (although still not nut roast).

"Out of interest, if you were invited round to a vegetarian's house on any other day of the year, would you think it fine to bring meat? Genuine question."

No, I personally wouldn't on any other day.

But to be fair your Bro probably didnt want to be 'the one' who said he didn't want to come and eat nut roast and then be labelled a misery so hes suggested he bring a turkey, probably thinking its no big deal.

I wouldnt cook it for him though, no reason why he cant cook it the day before and bring it to re-heat and Id be suggesting that to him.

Agree with Thumbwitch

Thanks for the support, kentish. TBH, I wouldn't really have wanted him to decline the invitation, so it's probably best this way. And now the MNers have beaten me into line, I'll do my best to be a reasonable human being and be kind about dead turkeys in the kitchen

Lovingly prepared food....

Personally I like to hatefully prepare my food such as nut roast

So are your parents and other siblings (aside from DB) also vegetarian? Or might they like a bit of meat also? Or will your DB be the only one eating his pre-cooked turkey, with all the other non-vegetarians drooling with envy?

Ah, your update puts him firmly in the BU camp.

This would be a fair reply:

'Hi DB, about the turkey. There were two reasons (apart from it being quite simply the kind of invitation we wanted to extend) for our offer over Christmas to be for a 'vegetarian Xmas dinner'. One, I don't like the smell of meat and don't want to have to endure that on Christmas Day - it makes a big difference to me. Two, there isn't room in the oven for the turkey. You did accept our offer for the vegetarian meal in the first place, so I hope you'll think it's a fair compromise if I ask you to bring a pre-cooked turkey piece (or whatever you yourself will eat) and also bring your microwave to heat it (minimal smell, and not in the veggie oven). I definitely don't want a turkey cooked here, carved on the table etc. - that isn't the kind of meal I want, and it isn't the invitation you accepted! Hope that sounds ok. DSis.

Lily- good, he will be happy!

Clara- on most occasions, I agree with you that guests should accept what is offered. I also don't think that anyone should be forced to buy / cook meat when they don't normally do so, whatever their reasons. But on Christmas- the "meat" isn't a chip on the shoulder for many people, it's part of a tradition.

My family has had its share of tragedies... as a consequence I have spent a few Christmases with other people's families, which is always so kind of them but hard for me. For me, having no turkey AND no other traditions would be just that much harder... And a veggie household which would allow me to bring my own little pocket of turkey to put a smile on my face would really go a long way for me!

Ooh, grumpasaur, why've you gone nasty?! I thought we were agreeing.
Actually, I'm anything but evangelical about it. For me, the meat part's a pretty small element of the issue. I'm going to make a (I hope) delicious dinner, and I kind of wanted people to eat and enjoy it (he likes nut roast a lot, BTW).

So are your parents and other siblings (aside from DB) also vegetarian? Or might they like a bit of meat also? Or will your DB be the only one eating his pre-cooked turkey, with all the other non-vegetarians drooling with envy?

Parents mainly veggie. Other siblings quite happy to be for the day. We were all brought up vegetarian and none of us even tried meat till we were adults.

a miserable pack of dry turkey slices, I dont think anyone will be drooling!

Cooked a meat roast for friends on Sunday and the whole house smelled of it, so I can understand what you mean. I would ask him to cook it in advance, bring it in a cool bag and then serve it cold, with hot gravy and veg on a warm plate should be fine.

He wants to spend Xmas with you and your family, he'll do all the prep, it's Xmas day, let it go and have a fab day with your brother :-)

The turkey slices needn't be dry, if cut from a pre-cooked turkey crown, for instance, and stored in a little Tupperware-style box with some gravy, only needing to be reheated. It can be transported in an insulated bag quite safely.

We often have roast dinners using pre-cooked meat stored in this way. Jolly delicious they are too

Spot on, werenotreallyhere. That's the approach I'll try to foster now.

Thanks all for the advice.
Extra thank you to all who have been understanding of the issue and not thought I'm being a total bitch to ask

Ok, new analogy. I'm on a diet, so send an invitation to a slimming world Christmas dinner, please note i am on a diet so will not be be providing pudding/cake/alcohol etc. I wouldn't be surprised if my family brought a Christmas pudding or some booze, as those are quintessentially part of christmas for most people. Unless i had said i "couldn't have cakes and alcohol in the house" in which case it would be different

bedraggled, I can't get past the idea of Christmas without alcohol (no Baileys?? ). Isn't that illegal?

I really don't like turkey and I've never had a nut roast so I'd love to come

Excellent, Trinity, see you then

Yeah exactly, so unless i had expressly banned all such goodies upfront i would expect them to assume only i was abstaining!

Yes, I get your point bedraggled

We will be having a ' no turkey, no alcohol ' christmas dinner :D