"Friends" Asking For Free Work

[TheChandler]

Name-changed to avoid id.

I've been contacted 8 or 9 times in the last 6 months by friends/acquaintencies/DH's family asking for free advice/services relating to my job. Its really annoying. These requests usually come at weekends or evenings or, in the case of DH's family, on social visits ie when I'm relaxing.

Not only do I not want to give them free advice, because it inevitably involves sifting through the complex and often very personal details of their problem, it could get me into hot water professionally, as there are certain rules of engagement you should adhere to, not least for insurance purposes in case you get it wrong.

And its usually stuff they wouldn't bother paying for ie it doesn't bother them enough to actually pay for proper advice, but they obviously see me as a free source they can turn to at any time (quite often the requests come via FB). It puts me in a really embarrassing position, and I simply directed the last couple to websites where they could read material themselves which would give them the answers they wanted. I am now being called "stuck up" and a "snob" by these acquaintencies. I mean, seriously?

Any advice on ways of stopping these damned annoying requests for "freebies" coming through in the first place? Quite often I find myself being forced to be polite and give some very general comments, it wastes hours of my personal relaxation time and they inevitably don't act on it anyway.

Yikes - sorry, that was a bit of a rant

Agree, Chandler, YANBU

My trade is at the other end of the scale (sewing) and I am certainly very careful who I tell. I made the mistake of letting on to someone I used to work for the military tailor on camp, and her eyes lit up and she said "ooh my husband has just been promoted and they want x amount to redo his uniform". I very conveniently didn't have 'the right machine'. I think lots of people from trades right up to professionals will get tapped for freebies at some point

Brings back memories of a Sunday lunch at ils during which fil barraged poor sil who is a gp with questions related to his urinary tract infection and ibs...

I tend to say "oh goodness, family law? Hahaha I can't help with that, should you need advice on securitising a credit card portfolio* then I'm your girl."

• not actually my specialism but you get the idea

I remember, way back, when my dcs were little, and I was part of a local Parents' Network that worked on a token basis. In the end, the rules had to be completely changed to rule out professional/technical services because of the number of people who completely took the piss. A friend's DH was a car mechanic and was regularly expected to spend a weekend afternoon working on someone's car only to be paid in babysitting tokens. All the lawyers and accountants reported similar problems.

I'm in the creative professions. I can't count the number of times I've been asked for advice on areas of work/equipment that are just irrelevant or worse, involve hours of work that run into hundreds of pounds and are almost always aimed at setting up someone's business that they intend to make money from. Why my services aren't worth paying for and theirs are I fail to understand. However, I do politely decline and, quite honestly, if anyone wants to take offence then I blame them for their bizarre expectations.

DH gets this - only, it comes through the PIL, who are (rightly) proud of him, so when someone like a remote relative or neighbour has a problem they'll say "oh MrH can sort that for you" and book out his precious weekend for Uncle Knobhead.

On the other hand, I have a very niche job so I get the odd query too. I tend to say "well the general legal principle is ... and it sounds like you need to speak to a specialist - would you like me to recommend one?" so that I'm being helpful, but giving precisely zero advice.

It does get my goat when people scoff at your comments though. Let's compare CVs and think about who's more likely to be right, shall we? Just because you don't think it sounds fair, that doesn't mean it isn't enshrined in statute.

I'm feeling twitchy now about a GP friend, because I know I've sometimes asked her to look at the DC (when we're meeting anyway) in a 'should I take him to the GP or not?' way. But I think I'd be cool with the reverse situation, sort of 'should I get propelegal advice on this situation?' so I won't feel too guilty, especially since she offered me a script for Gaviscon when I was dyyyyyying of heartburn in late pgy without prompting and which I declined.

Evans no, please join in with my rant! I can't believe people are expecting free building work (following quotations!), free haircuts, etc.!

Its almost as if they think they are doing you a favour, in that you're so hard up for work that something that has a 5% chance of leading them to mention you favourably to someone else (who will probably also want free work) makes it worth your while. Or as well as the fantasy "free first 1/2 hour", a lot of people go around in a fantasy that you offer "pro bono" work for anything that they find interesting...

The receptionists at my work screen calls so any new clients who have work that just isn't worth doing (anything unusual or to much work for too little money with a few exceptions will get told "no, sorry") and then we still turn work away after looking at it for being unsuitable. And we still have way too much work.

I was reading another online forum at the weekend, and some people were commenting on some bizarre incident and saying "I bet the lawyers will be queuing up to take that one on" and I'm thinking "wtf"?

We don't even get free fees ourselves at my firm! We get a 40% discount!

Weirdly enough, professionals only "queue up" (ie pitch) for work that will earn them lots of money, so the very very rare bit of pro bono (I can think of only one I've even been slightly involved with in over a decade, and then it was only the professional time written off, not expenses) has to be high-profile and clear-cut or precedent-setting.

DH is a computer programmer, there is one neighbour who constantly asks dh to sacrifice his evenings and weekends with his computer problems. In the end dh just does not get back to him, and ignores his calls. On answering the door, I tell him dh is very busy, he has a lot of work to do.

Agreed MrsHathaway but everyone thinks their own neighbour dispute /family disagreement over the terms of a will/terms of business/timeshare contract (all examples of recent work I've been asked to do for free) is so incredibly interesting that of course you would want to work on it for free! In fact you should probably pay them for the privilege!

DH and I get this too. I do stock referrals to the law society or firms that I know of that deal with that particular area.

The worst culprit is a distant family member of DH's who always has some random obscure problem in areas neither DH or I practice in. He thinks he's doing us a favour. We now just cut him off with 'not our area'. It hasn't stopped it but equally we don't feel guilty - the askers are the cheeky ones.

The woo types are the worst. My dh was tearing his hair out when my otherwise lovely aunt tried to get him to help with a dispute relating to her charity work she was a client from hell ringing every day etc. he quickly discovered he was conflicted out and passed her on but awkward all round...

TheChandler
Are you free for a few mins, I have a quick question?

Yup both me (architect) & DH (Dr) get this all the time.
Both of us generally these days say sorry not my specialism.
If I think it'll lead to an interesting paying job, I offer to come and talk to them about fee scales & feasibility as I now own my own company and although I'm a specialist I still do general work that's interesting otherwise I refer to the RIBA website for them to find another architect.
DH just says 'I only know about this tiny bit of your body so I can't help why don't you see your GP' - this generally works as if you need to ask about my DHs specialism at you are generally too ill to be out socialising.

I get this a lot. I'm an accountant though, in my case they always seem to think I'm a bloody IFA - then get really huffy when I say that I'm not allowed to give financial advice. I was also once accused of "taking myself far too seriously" for refusing to do something that could get me struck off!

I get that sometimes do as I do contract trades type work. I just tell people bluntly I don't work for free. Or if I'm feeling nonconfrontational, I just tell them I'll do it and never get back to them on it

My stock responses are similar to yours, OP - e.g. not my area (v v specialised) so I wouldn't be able to give you any kind of useful advice and in any event, I'm not allowed to advise on an informal basis. I always say it politely and apologetically, and keep repeating it like a mantra if people try to push back.

Frankly, I don't give a rat's arse if they're offended - if they have the brass neck to ask in the first place, then they should be able to take it on the chin when I say no.

I've also made it very clear to my Mum that I'm not going to give any free advice to her mates, so there is no point in her giving them my number etc. That cut down about 80% of the requests for freebies!

I should also add that for me, it isn't a question of me being selfish by not giving up a bit of my free time to help out a mate in need. Rather, a mate shouldn't expect me to flout my professional ethics rules and obligations just to save them a few quid.

I own brewery. That is all.

YANBU - I would just say that you have a policy of not working for friends and relatives but happy to pass on their details to other professional colleagues who work in your area of specialism.

I really would feel quite uncomfortable working for a relative or friend just in case the advice was not what they wanted to hear. I did once gave a lot of complex financial advice to my Dad which he ignored.

I remember my old boss (Solicitor) spent quite a lot of time one evening when the man who owned the nearby chip shop popped in with some legal problem for free advice.

Next day my boss was in the chip shop for his lunch (just a fish) and asked after he had paid for a small portion of chips too. The man asked him for the extra 50p.

I can remember him incredulous that he had given this man £200 or £300pounds of legal advice yet he held out his hand for 50p.

Good lesson for me as a newly qualified solicitor.

Tell them your public liability insurance/terms of employment won't allow work other than on normal fee paying basis. Always worked for me (altho' I did give MIL free advice on her divorce).

I would say under your contract you are not allowed to do freelancing but you can point them in the direction in where they need to look.

I have not had too much of it from friends, but you do get people thinking you will give them advice for nothing (am lawyer). That is probably because people know their questions aren't in my area. I don't know why they think we would do something for nothing. I wouldn't ask my cleaner to do an extra hour's cleaning for nothing. I spoke to a friend of a lawyer contact yesterday and as soon as I told him there would be a charge to do the letter he wanted he back tracked. Do they think we are charities - sitting here paid by the state?

Also as the lawyers amongst us on the thread know we are liable if we get it wrong for what could be massive sums even if we don't charge.