AIBU to not allow my 15 yo to use candles?

[bellarations]

She wanted to light a candle in her room, it is of typical teenage landscape, clothes, papers and the like everywhere. I feel nervous of her leaving it unattended or knocking it over, she is abit clumsy.
I said she could light it whilst in the bath because then she could keep an eye on it.
She came down for her tea, about an hour went past when I could smell an extinguished candle. My youngest ds 6 said he blew it out.
I got very cross and told her to throw it away because she can't be trusted, (not a good reaction, I know I was annoyed, my baby is asleep in the next room). She is blaming me for not telling her it couldn't be left. I bloody well did and besides if she needs this pointing out, surely she is too young to understand basic safety with candles.
I feel like a big cow pat and she is sulking.
AIBU? Would you give another chance?

Candles are for on the table at dinner
or in the living room on certain occasions
or during power cuts

Candles DO NOT go in bedrooms

YANBU

Yaddnbu. My dd is 15 and we've had a few 'discussions' about candles in her room too. I've said def not.

I love candles too, but only have them in the living room on the fire hearth where I can keep an eye on them. Or on the dining table at Christmas.

I have been thinking of getting some flameless candles for elsewhere. Maybe your dd would accept that as an alternative?

To be fair to BumChanged I'm also a bit surprised at a 15 year old that can't be trusted with a candle, and shocked at the number of posters that set accidentally set fire to things as teens!

Maybe some focus on how to be safe around flames, rather than an outright ban would be an idea. Otherwise in a couple years time she'll be setting alight her halls of residence

Thanks pippin and poodle, they sound like a good compromise.
More than. How awful, that's what I'm so scared of, glad you were all ok.

Glad you posted this OP as i have always felt a bit rotten for not trusting any of my 3 teen DDs with a candle in their room.

My instincts were correct it seems :)

I love a scented candle but the only time i've had a lit one upstairs is when DH and i are making a special occasion of it in the boudoir and even them i'm a very careful about remembering to blow it out 'afterwards'

YANBU. She seems to scatty to use candles. I used to at that age but I was a bit more responsible.

*too

Cheese, I did that with a scented candle in the living room when I was 9!

I recently said yes to candles to my 14yo, who is quite sensible, and keeps an orderly bedroom. Then, 12yo asked the same question, which left me in a bit of a tight corner, because she is extremely untidy, scatty, irresponsible and emotionally volatile, so I had to say no. A massive tantrum ensued. From reading this thread, I should have said no to both of them I guess.

YANBU, I was a very sensible teenager but still managed to start a small fire in my bedroom when I was 15 with a candle

I don't even trust myself with candles in the house since having ds (now 11!) Terrifed I'll burn the house down with us in it.

(Says she who nearly set fire to the factory she first worked at. Crikey who works in a factory these days!!! None left around here anyway. I digress... had tipped ash tray into bin in ofiice left then returned for forgottem coat. Office full of smoke

You are most definitely not being the slightest bit unreasonable.
Candles in bedrooms are far too great a fire risk.
My DN was very seriously injured in a house fire caused by candles in the bedroom and sadly his DGF didn't survive.
Stand your ground OP.

YANBU.

My parents were pretty relaxed about most things really, but I remember my dad being totally firm on point of no candles in bedrooms.

He went to boarding school and it was an expulsion offence I believe. True, very old building. But nonetheless, fire in bedrooms a major risk. Candles are fine in a room where a person is present and capable of seeing risk.

I'm a live-in nanny and it is written in my contract that I'm not allowed candles in my bedroom. YANBU at all

Yanbu I would be very paranoid.

There is no safe way to have real candles in a bedroom.

I had clicked to say you were being unreasonable and a 15 year old is perfectly old enough to have candles in their room if they are sat up there listening to music or whatever and blow them out before getting into bed but from your OP actually it does't sound like your DD is sensible enough so in her case yanbu, I'm surprised so many people are saying 15 is too young though, I always had candles in my room when i was a teenager, as does my 16 year old sister.

YABU. Surely an NT fifteen year old can be trusted with candles/incense sticks/oil burners? Its really not rocket science.

My brother burnt down our bathroom after leaving a lighted candle on the bath and then going to make a phone call whilst he was a teenager. YANBU!

God no, my neighbours were woken up by their pillows which had caught fire recently !! Think they fallen asleep and a tea light must have been knocked off their bedside table.

And theyre in their 50's !!

Concur with the wax melters (sans candle). We have them in our house and they're great :) I like the head pad ones which don't have a light, but friends of mine prefer the ones with lights and special outers for decoration :)

YANBU, I was 24 and had a candlelit bath (due to the light being broken) a few weeks after having my baby.

I got out and 20 minutes later my partner was on his way to the kitchen (we lived in a flat) and noticed through the bathroom door bright orange flames.

The bath had melted in the corner and the room was blackened after we threw water over the fire, all the while my baby was sleeping in the next room.

I'm torn in this, YANBU with your own DD, because she doesn't sound so sensible & if her room is a tip, then you are right - it is a fire hazard

BUT, that said - I do let my 12 year old have a candle in her room with very strict rules & big fire safety lessons first - her room has been kept spotless ever since it was agreed that was the biggest rule , she uses a ceramic cork backed tile as a coaster & the candles themselves are those scented ones that come in their own safety jar & it's all kept well away from anything inflammable - she also asks me to light it for her too,

I think candles are a bad idea. I think you should chat with her and explain that this is not about babying her--it's about the fact that candles are dangerous in bedrooms anyway. Easy to forget about them or knock them over. Perhaps she could get one of those fake candles if she likes the light effect?

Your DD - no way, she has less sense that your 6 yo! Apart from that, even if she was sensible, I'd say no in your situation after a house fire. Surely she can understand that? If not, she needs empathy lessons!

When I was that age I had scented candles and incense...drove my dad batshit