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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my husband to call me

35 replies

Girl33 · 16/11/2014 10:56

Idiot, moron, cretin or b*tch??
I am a stay at home mum and my confidence is low as it is. I ask him to stop but he thinks it's funny and a joke. Have I lost my sense of humour or is this hurtful?

OP posts:
Frusso · 16/11/2014 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 · 16/11/2014 10:58

Gosh op this is absolutely not ok/funny at all. He is abusive. Do you have someone in rl to talk to?

formerbabe · 16/11/2014 10:58

Your sense of humour is not the problem here...your husband is.

Ltb...seriously

Flowers
KnackeredMuchly · 16/11/2014 10:59

Do you recognise a few things from this picture?

timeoutshelter.org/assets/Uploads/circle-of-violence.jpg

Moln · 16/11/2014 11:00

It's hurtful, and if you've asked him not to then it's vindictive.

grumpyoldgitagain · 16/11/2014 11:01

It is hurtful and he is a twat

Get out it is abuse

Vinomcstephens · 16/11/2014 11:01

Well then your husband is a twat. Those are horrible names to call anyone, let alone your wife. If he won't or can't see how vile he's being then if I was you, I'd be reassessing my options.

HazleNutt · 16/11/2014 11:02

On what planet is this funny?

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 16/11/2014 11:02

No, not at all funny, the problem is all his, and of course it is hurtful for someone who has vowed to love you to say such things (calling anyone names like that is bad enough, but your own wife? Why would anyone do that?)

WeAllHaveWings · 16/11/2014 11:03

yes it is hurtful, and not normal in a good (or even an average) relationship

Original poster
Girl33 · 16/11/2014 11:04

He is ok in other ways. Generous with money and good with our son. When I bring it up he says I'm always moody and never happy with anything.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/11/2014 11:06

This is not normal at all.

Also, there's no need to be grateful that he's good with your son.

That is the least I would expect from any parent.

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver · 16/11/2014 11:06

It does not matter if he thinks it is funny. You don't, so he must stop it.

Does he normally take your opinions, needs and wants seriously?

TheLittleOneSaidRollOver · 16/11/2014 11:11

When I bring it up he says I'm always moody and never happy with anything.

Eh? Even if that is true, why would it make it OK to call you names?

In my house, if one of us is moody and unhappy, the other one makes a cup of tea and says "What's up, love?" maybe combined with a cuddle and we chat about the problem.

HazleNutt · 16/11/2014 11:14

never happy? Well I would not be happy, being called a moron either.

Are you actually happy in this relationship? Being good with his son is not anything special, most parents are good with their children. And as you're married, in most marriages, the money is family money - there is no 'being generous'.

DustBunnyFarmer · 16/11/2014 11:16

You think he's a good father, but think about what he's teaching your son by calling you these names. It is abusive and unpleasant.

MrsPiggie · 16/11/2014 11:17

Your DH has a fucked up sense of humour. No, it's not funny. Yanbu.

ithoughtofitfirst · 16/11/2014 11:36

Cheeky twat.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 16/11/2014 11:43

Firstly, he isn't good with your son. Belittling and humiliating his sons mother makes him a very bad father. It doesn't matter what else he does he is Not A Good Dad.

He is verbally abusive and this is generally the start. He obviously thinks he is superior to you as he discounts your feelings so easily.

Now, what are you going to do about it? Continue to put up with it, or do something about it? I would explain in very clear terms that if he uses any of those words when he addresses you again then the relationship is over and he will need to leave the family home.

TheAlias · 16/11/2014 12:01

"The very best thing a father can do for his child is to love their mother"

An old quote and AFAIK uncredited. It's not always possible for the love to stay but it is absolutely essential that the respect stays and is demonstrated IMO. So, no, he's not good at all with your son.

Fairenuff · 16/11/2014 12:27

Every time he says it, just reply, 'Ok tiny penis' and see if he still thinks it's funny.

Purplepoodle · 16/11/2014 13:12

Ah had this with mine. Pre dc I would have brushed it off but confidence plummeted. I sat my dh down and told him that it was making me feel terrible, that it was getting to the point that I was wondering whether I wanted to be in hot he marriage when he spoke like that. He was really shocked but at least it stopped him

Purplepoodle · 16/11/2014 13:14

Love the 'tiny penis' reply

ScarletFever · 16/11/2014 13:20

agreed - not funny or nice or anything like taht -
agreed - reply with needle-dick, or bug fucker or shithead or anything like that
if you want to stay politish, just say "what is it waste of space"

or completely ignore him

championnibbler · 16/11/2014 13:23

YANBU.
This is emotional abuse.
He seems to have isolated you too, which is very concerning.
You do need to speak to someone in RL and decide if its time to plan an escape route.
I would be worried that the abuse might escalate into physical / sexual.