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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go to Christmas work enforced fun

79 replies

honeyistoosweet · 15/11/2014 20:25

This year my office has decided on a daytime Christmas party.

My department has decided to host our annual Christmas lunch the same day. So from 12-1pm on said day our team are heading out for a three course meal to then return to join the rest of the office for the rest of afternoon in the conference room for the 'party' until 5.30 home time.

Normally, after the department meal we would be allowed a half day and to head off home.

The office party is no alcohol and from what I understand is just food.

Im irritated that it feels like food food food all day long and I'm overly sensitive to this as I have an eating problem and will really really struggle with the day as is. And secondly, surely we we should be able to choose whether we attend the Christmas do? Or is that not how it goes?

On writing this I think it's probably just my food issues clouding my judgement but I feel it's a bit silly going for a full on meal to then go back for another party spread.

OP posts:

maras2 · 15/11/2014 23:10

Thank God that I've retired

Bulbasaur · 16/11/2014 04:00

Office parties are just awkward. You have to act relaxed, but not enough to be unprofessional. So it's not much different from eating lunch with coworkers except now there's cookies and booze.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/11/2014 05:15

Do you have the type of job where there are occasional crises?

In which case go to the lunch (can't imagine it'll be more than 1 course if you only have an hour) then on the way back say "I'll join you at the party soon - I just need to finish writing my paper / deal with my broken model / send a couple of emails."

Go back to work and work diligently all afternoon. Half an hour before the end go to the party looking tired and stressed saying "phew! Thought
I was going to miss the whole thing! Bloody board papers!"

manchestermummy · 16/11/2014 07:16

I can see perfectly well why you wouldn't want to go, and it's rough that you can't take annual leave. Are there any managers you trust who you could explain your difficulties to?

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 16/11/2014 07:18

This would suit me than going out in the evening. No one had organised our 'do' yet but it will happen. I can't not go as we're only a small team and it will look like I'm being funny if I don't. It's not that I dislike my workmates it's just I see enough of them at work without seeing them out of it as well. Add to that I'm on a tight budget and could do without the expense of it.

And yes, what is the jacket on the back of the chair trick ?

Iggly · 16/11/2014 07:25

Yabu and a bit miserable!

CPtart · 16/11/2014 07:38

I presume the jacket business is where you "accidently" forget your jacket at the venue , leaving it on the back of a chair and have to leave subsequent office party to go back and retrieve it.

Slowly.

AlpacaYourThings · 16/11/2014 08:03

Yes, what is the jacket on the back of the chair trick?

DuchessofNorks · 16/11/2014 08:23

DH and I dislike organised fun at the best of times.

I find a better approach at work is to make staff room parties optional. Most of the time you find that staff who would kick up a fuss and refuse to go if they feel forced into attending, would actually end up attending if they have the freedom to decide for theselves.

TeamScotland · 16/11/2014 08:33

Jacket on back of chair gives the impression you are there when you are not.

A popular trick in my last workplace.

Ememem84 · 16/11/2014 08:49

I think jacket trick may be one of two things

Firstly as mentioned above, oh no I left my jacket at lunch place will have to leave the party dawdle along the road to get it.

Secondly I think it can be used as a place market - she's here, her jackets still there.

Original poster

honeyistoosweet · 16/11/2014 10:47

Iggly - yes you're right- it is miserable. It's miserable to have anorexia day in day out. To have a mental disorder that causes you such anxiety in seemingly ordinary everyday situations. It's more than miserable!

And did I mention that this meal is not free?! I have to pay £30 for the privilege. And I'm a single mother who is struggling to pay for Christmas as it is!

Rant over for now..

OP posts:

Wishtoremainunknown · 16/11/2014 10:55

I would suddenly be unwell...

Iggly · 16/11/2014 11:00

Then maybe you need help with the anorexia then?

And yes you have to pay, that's generally how it works.

Sorry that's a bit harsh but I don't think the meal itself is that big a deal.

raltheraffe · 16/11/2014 11:05

I would hate this if I was an employee at your company. I would just go along but make an excuse and leave at the earliest opportunity.

rookiemater · 16/11/2014 11:05

I disagree iggly. If you have to pay £30 to attend something then it should be optional. OP given this new piece of information, can you simply say that you can't afford the £30 for the lunch, but will attend the session afterwards in the office.

VoyagesOfAStarship · 16/11/2014 11:09

Oh iggly you can't have been unfortunate enough to have had any MH issues.

It's miserable suffering the stress and anxiety and then on top of that you know what's bothering you doesn't look like much to other people AND there would be a stigma if you admitted it. To have to pay £30 AS WELL is the ultimate insult. And OP can't help it, and I would imagine is getting help. Anorexia doesn't just go away the day after you pop into the GP.

And no that's not always how it works - I pay for my own meal at our self-organised friendly freelance christmas do, where there's no boss, but when I worked for a company and there was a big, non-optional christmas do, they paid.

Snapespotions · 16/11/2014 11:09

OP, is your line manager aware of the anorexia? If so, could you ask for special permission to be excused?

If not, then I think it might be in order to take the day off sick - if it's making you so anxious, there is really no point in you being there.

SmilesandPilesOfPresents · 16/11/2014 11:10

Just tell them that you really don't want to go, it's not your sort of thing and that you'd rather do some work than spoil everyone elses fun but end it with "I'm sure you'll all have a great time"

Original poster

honeyistoosweet · 16/11/2014 11:11

Iggly - does sound a bit harsh - I am getting help. But it doesn't just go over night. And one can't be expected to just sit down and eat a three course meal followed by a massive Christmas buffet. Certainly my treatment would not include that!

Thanks for other suggestions. I think I just won't handle it every well at all. And maybe will have to duck out of meal.

OP posts:

Cornettoninja · 16/11/2014 11:11

Enforced attendance and paying for it?

Sorry that would be a big fat no from me. Optional out of hours - I have the choice to pay, during the working day and compulsory then I expect to be catered for.

Also once that expectation had been made official I would resent having to explain my personal finances and in no way expect or accept an offer of 'charity' payment on my behalf. I'd want to retain a little dignity after having to reveal my budget restraints under duress.

SmilesandPilesOfPresents · 16/11/2014 11:11

I'd have to admit, I'd throw a sickie too.

Original poster

honeyistoosweet · 16/11/2014 11:13

Cornett I agree. If I'm struggling to pay I'm embarrassed to admit that but have no option as it's a working day.. There's seemingly no choice!!! That's aside from my personal food issues...

OP posts:

Snapespotions · 16/11/2014 11:14

I don't know how companies can justify enforced attendance and making people pay for themselves. If attendance is compulsory, then the company should pay. If people have to pay for themselves, then it should be up to them.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 16/11/2014 11:14

Oh it isn't free?? Sorry I thought it was. In that case no, it wouldn't suit me and it should be optional.

Mine is optional. I just take it upon myself to feel like I'm being funny towards my workmates if I don't go out on the lash with them

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