To genuinely wonder why some children do this?

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Take other children's belongings and run off with them and hold them out of their reach?

Out tonight with a few friends for a local event...one of the DC took my DD's toy and ran up the road with it laughing and holding it out of her reach.

My DD is 6 and the other child is 8. Not a lot of difference in age but enough that the older child was faster and taller.

I never said anything at first...but I wanted to...I just thought "Where's the fun in that?" and thought that rather than appear precious, I'd wait and watch to see if the other child handed the item back after a moment...but she never and my child was pleading as the toy was brand new today.

So I said "Give it back please" as I approached and she did so immediately.

Do your DC play in this way? Do you allow it? The child in question is usually well behaved I think.

My 6 year old does this. It drives me mad. She had I believe mild ADHD and I genuinely think she thinks she is playing and not being mean. Every single time though I tell her to give it back and every single time I have to give her a count of 3 to get her to do it. I explain why it is not nice every time. We've been doing this for about 4 years now and hopefully one day (soon) she will stop.

i think at some point all children would do, but Id always tell mine ' cmon please give it back now, how would you feel if it was your toy taken away'..easy 7 yrs old tbh dont think he would do that and 3 yrs old if she did she would have a big tantrum if she had to give it back ;)

ds used to do this to dd, who was bigger than him but very restrained. something to do with the autism I think. And no it was not allowed... but difficult to deal with when driving down the motorway... I don't think he did it with any other children.

Maybe we're sheltered or something as I've honestly never seen another child do this to either of mine. They're ten and six....we mix with others regularly too.

my kids do it to each other to wind each other up. typical kid/sibling stuff i think. i would not call it bullying though

It's not nice to do as it is distressing for the child on the reciveing end and why would you want to make someone else upset/cry no matter what the age?
I had an example of this recently where an older child pushed her ballon into my child's face. I told her not to do it to which she replied why? I explained because it's not nice. She literally scowled at me.
It is to do with how they are brought up. Right from wrong.

Alex I feel the same really. Someone upthread said not to ever assume your own child wouldn;t do something like that but I know mine just would not. They'd be far too shy for a start...they're just not the type to wind others up in that way...and it's just not nice!

I've had the "why?" when asking kids not to do things and just do as you did...and I do think they're let to do as they please perhaps...and that's why they don't know.

I think her parents would take a dim view of this kind of play but they never saw.

I think this just about sums it up - you think your child would 'never' do this, but there will be this, or something else that your child does when you aren't around which you would like to think they would know better about. It's one of many games which children play with one another to push each other's buttons and test how much they can get away with.

In the same way that all children learn not to hit by a combination of being told, getting in trouble for doing it and being hit themselves, they work out the consequences for a whole range of social behaviours. I remember games being huge fun with one group of friends and upsetting with others, enjoying certain activities with my brother but not with my peers and a whole range of other iterations where things could go wrong or go well depending on the specific circumstances.

Personally, I have always found unkind words more upsetting than physical play, so the way your children wind each other up would have affected me more than this kind of game, but again, that's how we learn about ourselves, what we look for in friends and what kinds of relationships bring us most happiness. I honestly don't think that this specific game/type of teasing is particularly special or unique in terms of the intent or the impact it has.

Do I just know mine would never have the desire to play in that way...they wouldn't. I've had them for quite some time now and think I know them well enough to be certain.

I think her parents would take a dim view but on reflection...maybe not? Maybe they allow this sort of thing with her and siblings and that's why she thinks it's ok?

I see a lot of parents doing some teasing with children....all light hearted but to my mind not particularly fun stuff...like hiding their belongings and feigning ignorance. I've seen that a few times.

Only read the OP as it put in mind a fantastic incident that happened when I was about....10 ish.

The eldest DD of my parents friends would have been 9 and tormented her 6 (ish) year old brother. Their parents where ineffectual "Dont do that darling!" to the DD and "Oh I am sure she doesnt mean it!" to the DS. She did, she was a bitch and still is!

Mum and dad were babysitting once when we went on holiday with them (once and never again!) when the DD stole his favourite cuddly. He was utterly distraught and nothing short of physicality could get the cuddly off the DD, which obviously mum didnt want to do, not least because she was (and is) a lying coniving little madam. Dad sat the DS on his knee and told a story about when he was a boy and his brother did the same. DS said "What did you do" and he told the DS what he had done to his brother

Anyway, the evening ended with the DD in tears because the DS had walked up to her and kicked her very hard until she gave the cuddly back. Funnily enough this was the only time she didnt tell tales and didnt pick on her brother so much. Sadly, she picked on the rest of us instead but as we only saw her every few months, I guess it wasnt so bad!

Anyway, the evening ended with the DD in tears because the DS had walked up to her and kicked her very hard until she gave the cuddly back.

Yeah, that's incredibly ineffective parenting if you allow your children to solve problems like that. My parents told me and my brother to just "work it out" a few times, which ended with my brother screaming bloody murder because I was bigger and won and then I'd get punished for making him scream like that. It did nothing to help us get along, in fact it made it worse.

We eventually bonded in co-misery about how dysfunctional our family is, but I could see two siblings with different personalities growing up to hate each other with that sort of environment.

For what it's worth neither of us grew up to be aggressive or bitchtastic. There comes a point where you become an adult and choose how you act.

It wasnt their parents that did that, it was mine (the babysitters) as they were sick of the bullying from the DD to the DS and having nothing they could do. The DD had told lies about other babysitters that caused rows and people being cut off because the parents believe the DD over the babysitters. Ma and Pa didnt want that to happen to them, not least because we were on holiday with them.

Do I just know mine would never have the desire to play in that way...they wouldn't. I've had them for quite some time now and think I know them well enough to be certain.

As I said - there are many things that children do which their parents would ideally like them not to, and you said your children use words against each other which could be equally or more upsetting to another child.

I'm not saying that you are wrong about your kids, just that every child will test out the reactions of others in one way or another, whether it's overt like this or more subtle. It's how they learn and the parents' reaction plays as much of a part in that as the other child's - you reacted so this child learnt that not only does this behaviour upset your daughter, but you don't think it's acceptable either. I just don't think that this kind of play is particularly worse than any other kind of teasing - I wouldn't stand for it either from my child or against my child, but I wouldn't classify it as inherently different from any other behaviours which might upset one child but be seen as a game by another.

Yes they do use words like weapons...I've never seen them do it to another child but that doesn't mean they haven't.

I do know they'd never physically be overbearing though.

Oh and I'm pretty sure this child didn't see it as game. My DD's face wasn't laughing or happy when she was trying to get her toy back. And the child has no ASD or other difficulties.

It wasnt their parents that did that, it was mine

Reading comprehension fail.

My parents had friends like that, where their boy was nasty to the other children and told lies. They believed him over anyone else too.

It was quite satisfying the day my brother took a picture of him doing something he wasn't suppose to (because they thought it was funny, not to tattle) and my mother got a hold of it after he got injured and blamed another child. But then the friends still cut them off and the friendship was ruined anyway.

Who knows how he turned out.

That's not teasing. If it was, everyone would be smiling. The behaviour is plain mean - especially given this context

the other child asked my DD "Can I hold it please...PLEASE!??" and when DD was kind enough to hand it over, that was her reward.

I've no time for that behaviour, unless it's a mutual game.

I know a girl whose sanitary ware was snatched by boys in her class, held aloft, and thrown away. Hilarious, I don't think.

claw mine 8yo girl and 6yo boy don't either. They are nice people and they don't have that side to them.
My sister used to though. She would make up names for my friends and be generally horrid. If phone up my best friend at like 6.01 to get the cheaper evening rate and my sister would come crashing in and slam the phone down. It gets hard, when you love somebody, but they are consistently nasty to you. Well my parents werefuckups too and I don't know how to deal with any of them. But I'm nice to and about my children.

I agree with Evans' post.

It is bullying, and not very nice behaviour, which I would expect parents to pull their dc up non.

Its not nice behaviour and I remember sobbing when my older sibling did it to me. I would hope that parents try to nip this in the bud.

Also tripping up, I was recently told that a nearly 5 year old constantly trying to trip up my 2 year old "wasn't malicious just 4 year old behaviour". Erm fine but could you ask them to blooy well stop it because its not nice and could end in injury....

From upthread "But it's just as important to teach him to problem solve and stand up for himself."

What other solutions are there to that scenario if a simple 'please give it back' by the smaller child has failed?

HOW does a younger or smaller child resolve a situation like that on their own?

Blank I've always told mine that if a bigger child is doing something they don't like, they need to tell an adult asap.

I've also told them that if they FEEL unhappy about something...a situation or a place they're in...something out of the ordinary obviously...not P.E or the dentist...then that's all they need to know that it;s not a good place to be in and they need to leave.