To genuinely wonder why some children do this?

[ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks]

Take other children's belongings and run off with them and hold them out of their reach?

Out tonight with a few friends for a local event...one of the DC took my DD's toy and ran up the road with it laughing and holding it out of her reach.

My DD is 6 and the other child is 8. Not a lot of difference in age but enough that the older child was faster and taller.

I never said anything at first...but I wanted to...I just thought "Where's the fun in that?" and thought that rather than appear precious, I'd wait and watch to see if the other child handed the item back after a moment...but she never and my child was pleading as the toy was brand new today.

So I said "Give it back please" as I approached and she did so immediately.

Do your DC play in this way? Do you allow it? The child in question is usually well behaved I think.

Evans. Your comment about 'natural hierarchy' makes me sick. What kind of world do you think we should live in? One where might is right and the weak should just learn to accept their place at the bottom of the food chain?

I sympathise, Laundry - but your DS is not always going to have you looking over his shoulder and protecting him. It is not harmless fun, it is very upsetting, but he has to find ways of dealing with it. For now, and for the future. You can't be there for him all the time.

It depends, if the child gave it back when you pulled them up on it, I think it's was probably just them trying to get attention and teasing.

My cousins would do stuff like this to me growing up. I would do stuff like this to my younger brother.

Part of it is testing the waters to see what they can get away with, part of it is getting attention and a reaction. For me, watching my brother kick off and throw a fit was entertainment, and bonus it got me attention from both parents. Really had nothing to do with dislike towards him, I remember loving him and we get along great now. It was mainly me being a kid lacking empathy, and really he had fantastically dramatic tantrums.

But I have a hard time seeing a one off as bullying more than just misbehaving and lacking a little empathy.

It's fucking nasty. It's the thin end of a wedge. My childhood was ruined by all sort of bullying. This was one that was well underway by the time I started school.

Poor parenting, lack of supervision, inadequate role models

Or, a kid who generally plays this with her siblings and didn't realise not everyone wants to play it?

^This is a serious overreaction IMO.

Your comment about 'natural hierarchy' makes me sick. What kind of world do you think we should live in? One where might is right and the weak should just learn to accept their place at the bottom of the food chain?

No, LaundryFairy, that is not what I meant at all. Read again.
You protect your children where you can, you reprimand them if you think they are behaving badly, but as I have said, you will never be able to be there for them in the future for all of their lives. Therefore, they do need to learn to stand up for themselves. Otherwise, how on earth will they manage? Holding something out of a child's reach is mean - but it is not the end of the world. We have all had that done, haven't we??

What I'm just trying to say is, if we, as parents, are constantly fighting their battles for them, how will they ever learn to stand up for themselves when we are no longer around?

Of course a large part of growing up is learning social interaction and handling himself - DS is 11 and I'm seldom there to help him. What I objected to was your comment about a natural hierarchy. DS will never be top dog in school by your hierarchical standards, but he is extremely intelligent and kind, and I'd like to think that this far more important.

I hate this. Especially when there's two of them and they like to throw the thing over the other child's head to each other.

It's button pressing, all to get a reaction. Nasty.

Agreed WalkinginMemphis the child is eight and OP has said she is usually well behaved. All kids behave badly sometimes, it's a bit much to right them off as bad kids or start throwing blame at the parents, there's no evidence this was a part of a wider pattern of behaviour.

IME it's not uncommon for children to behave like that and yes, it's mean and needs to be discouraged.
That's were the parenting comes in IMO - my children on many occasions have shocked me with their behaviour that they have NOT learnt at home, but need to have corrected. I don't think that all young children have empathy automatically, or they do for some things (puppies) but not for others (other children).
Sigh.
It has been my hard one experience that some children have rather sociopathic traits and it is our job to teach them better.

No, it's not 'just fun' and it's not nice, but equally not a sign that the snatcher is on the road to nastiness and crime forever.
Or so I hope

Laundry - I don't necessarily have hierarchical standards! You've latched onto one word I've used out of dozens of others! I was pretty much bottom of the pile when I was at school, believe me!! I think it made me stronger in the long run. Which is what I'm trying to say.

It's not teasing, it's not playing it's horrible, nasty bullying. Pleading to have the toy, your dd being kind enough to share, then running off with it - inexcusable. If left unpunished this could be the start of bigger issues for that child. when it's teenagers stealing and throwing around another kids school bag or gym kit it's serious stuff.

Making excuses for this behaviour is possible one of the reason there are so many bullies around these days.

DS will never be top dog in school by your hierarchical standards, but he is extremely intelligent and kind, and I'd like to think that this far more important.

Of course it is. But it's just as important to teach him to problem solve and stand up for himself.

I don't think she meant hierarchy like a pack of wolves where one is alpha and one is omega.

We're human, it's just establishing where you stand. Adults do it too, they test the waters to see where they stand with another person. Look at a group of people talking, they'll joke, touch, invade space to assert dominance, not to make one person the low man on the totem pole, but to make sure that their talking point is taken seriously, they're liked, and they don't get walked on or pushed around.

It does sound predatory in writing, but socially humans have a very particular and peculiar way of establishing rapport with each other.

Yes, this is quite common - see it a lot in primary playgrounds. I usually say to the grabber "I don't think so and so likes this game much, can you please give it back to him/her." Most children realise that they have upset their friend and give the item back straight away, a few even say sorry, although a few are repeat offenders and they have a talking to about appropriate play.

My DD is one of the younger in the set but she's more than capable of looking after herself generally. She's not a sitting duck but as the smallest she's definitely going to be held up like this at times....I just wondered about it really as my DC have never played like this....not with one another or anyone else.

If mine want to get at one another they tend to use words.

Oh, I detest "piggy in the middle" for exactly that reason!
Didn't like it as a child, don't encourage it now.

Thank you, Bulbasaur - that is exactly what I was attempting to convey.

My children never behaved like this either, they are both kind and considerate. But not all children (or adults) are the same, and one of our life skills is the need to learn how to deal with such behaviour from others, when our parents are no longer there to protect us.

And words can hurt just as much as actions.

They do it to get a reaction. Maybe the child hadn't been taught that you don't steal?

I recently took on some extra hours at dinner time in a primary school. This sort of behaviour is very common.

There are a few children who will make a game of it amongst their friends, where no one is being teased and every one has a turn chasing after their shoe/scarf etc. But most of the kids who do this are doing it to be mean, usually to a smaller child. It's not a pleasant behaviour.

But surely the game of "Piggy" makes you work harder not to be the one in the middle and out of reach. It did with me, anyway! You fight to be not the Piggy.

Maybe depends upon who you play with, but we always found it fun.

Never say never. "My child would never..." are the words of a parent who is blissfully ignorant.

Unless followed by the words "...tidy their room voluntarily". And even then the buggers show you up as a liar

And words can hurt just as much as actions.

This.

I played too rough as a child with other children, and I had a cousin that did the same. We'd leave bruises on each other, take toys, bite, etc... We were best friends growing up.

What hurt him the most was the teasing he got at school from kids calling him stupid.

They do it to get a reaction. Maybe the child hadn't been taught that you don't steal?

Funny thing about children. You can teach them not to touch a hot stove, and they'll still do it.

In a child's mind "A + B =??" You tell them not to do A or B, they might do it anyway to solve the equation themselves. Or, they could do it because A + B = favorable outcome.

People are constantly living their lives between the carrot and the stick. If they're doing something habitually, it's because it's giving them personally a favorable outcome, be it entertainment or attention. If someone stops doing something, it's usually because it didn't give them a favorable outcome or they know it won't end well for them.

For instance, you would not steal because you could get arrested or it would conflict with your moral compass. However, change the circumstances to living in a place of scarce resources where you need something to survive, stealing gives you a favorable outcome of survival or taking the edge off.

It's why people cry to manipulate, crying has gotten them their way before and so by that logic it will again. Telling them to stop crying will not change the fact that crying works.