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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not call my friend when i got into labour

36 replies

ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:10

its a long way of yet. but my friend wants me to call her when im in labour so im not on my own. To be honest would rather be on my own. would it be unreasonable just to not call her.

OP posts:
CheeseEqualsHappiness · 15/11/2014 19:11

Do what you feel you need to. You may love being alone or when it comes you may suddenly feel desperate for company. Whatever is fine as it is what you need

Chaseface · 15/11/2014 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrspremise · 15/11/2014 19:11

No, you have enough on your plate, you can't possibly remember to do that Grin

Suefla62 · 15/11/2014 19:12

I wouldn't decide anything until closer to your delivery. But when you do please yourself and no one else.

LittleBairn · 15/11/2014 19:12

Of course you don't have to call her.
It's not about what she feels its about what you need, if you feel that you can cope then do it your way.
Personally I just like to be alone in the dark with no one talking or touching me.

Quitelikely · 15/11/2014 19:15

Well I think she has a right to know that you aren't going to call her! After all you said your going to be on your own, IMO she is trying to be supportive.

Also have you got other dc? Most folk have someone close with them in labour for a reason which you will realise at the time!

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:17

thats how i feel littlebairn was on my own for my last labour and was the best ever. I dont mind her coming right after i give birth but dont really want her here when its the puffing and panting/pushing stage. all it needs is for me to not shave my legs that day and i will never hear the end of it.

OP posts:
Mrsgrumble · 15/11/2014 19:19

I would thank her for her kindness and tell her that If you need her you will ring but if you feel ok, you're doing it alone.

I would reiterate the thanks and you never know, you might want a bi of support so don't rule it out yet

Now, if she keeps b going it up and you are adamant you don't want her there, tell her

Mrsgrumble · 15/11/2014 19:20

Ok, get you. Well tell her. I totally understand. You have been there before. Sorry thought it was first time around.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:21

quitelikely. when i went into labour last time it was just me and my son in the room happen really fast had no time to ring anyone. my plan this time was to ask my eldest to look after the kids in another room. gosh that does not sound good now i have written it down.

OP posts:
BOFster · 15/11/2014 19:23

You need a plan for childcare in case you have to be transferred to hospital though.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:26

bofster i dont have that sort of support system :( daughter will be almost 18 and her bf would help to so will be 2 of them looking after the kids... although i know thats not idea either

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 15/11/2014 19:27

If she wants to help you out as much as she seems to, call her to come and look after the kids in the oth room so you can labour u disturbed to your heart's content!

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:29

mushroom your right. she would want to be in the room with me thats just how she is. but i could tell her if she wants to help i really need her to help with the kids. having said that if i called at silly o'clock she probably would not answer

OP posts:
BOFster · 15/11/2014 19:29

That sounds reasonable though- I was thinking you meant a twelve year-old or something. It will be fine anyway, I'm sure, and don't call your friend until you're ready.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:32

no would not leave a 12 year old with kids lol. im sure all will work out either way. maybe i should just be a bit more open with things.

OP posts:
amy83firsttimer · 15/11/2014 19:32

I'm confused. Are you having a homebirth or deliberately free-birthing? Is there any chance of a midwife attending?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:35

amy83. im aiming for a homebirth with midwife. But with my last labour it happend so fast no one got here on time. well sort of. i had to call 999 because i was alone. i pushed the head out then paramedics ran in and helped me to deliver rest of baby. I just dont know how much time im going to get.

OP posts:
CharlesRyder · 15/11/2014 19:36

Will your other DC's father not look after them?

WrappedInABlankie · 15/11/2014 19:36

My friend wanted the same, I wanted to do it on my own. She didn't even know I was going to the hospital to be induced by the time she found out I had changed my blackberry status to "labouring like a bitch" she didn't go mad just said she would of taken me if I had told her even if she didn't stay. I wanted to be on my own so just do what you want to do!

Chipandspuds · 15/11/2014 19:39

I think if your eldest is 17 that's fine for looking after the other DC. I'd just give your daughter the contact number of your friend and if you need to go into hospital or anything then your daughter has another adult to call if she needs any help or support at all. Hope that your birth goes well and isn't too fast so you've got a bit of time to prepare x

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 19:41

i guess so. i feel bit of a bitch though. because i dont have an support at all. and shes offering it and im here moaning about someone being kind. maybe i will just see closer to the time.

OP posts:
Chipandspuds · 15/11/2014 19:57

I'd see how it goes on the day (or night!) as if it happens really fast you genuinely might not have time or remember to call her anyway! By the time I realised I was in labour there's no way I would have been able to phone anybody, I just went into my own little zone.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 15/11/2014 20:07

yeah that happend with me probably why i was to late to call midwife.

OP posts:
divingoffthebalcony · 15/11/2014 20:09

You need to do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. Yes, it's a kind offer, but if her presence is unwanted there's no point having her present.