To ignore dnephew's birthday.

[FamilySucks]

Hello everyone. There is a long backstory to this. If anyone remembers, I'm the poster with the evil Sil who told me I was too poor to talk to certain people at a wedding. Made me feel like I was a low class fool who couldn't talk to anyone richer than me. I've completely cut down contact for a few years now and am better for it but she and my brother still find ways to stab a knife where it hurts and I feel enough is enough.

Last week it was my dd's first birthday. The year before, on their ds's first birthday, my dd was 2 weeks old and I made time (took baby too) and gave him a present, because a baby's first birthday is important right? I was tired and breastfeeding wasn't going well, but I still went because I wanted to.

This year I took my dad to the hospital on dd's birthday and they called me whilst I was in the waiting area with dad (waiting for doctor to write a prescription) and started singing "happy birthday" down the phone, so I quickly stopped them and told them I was still in the hospital and I'd talk to them when I got home. This, it turns out, was an insult to sil. My brother came to pick up dad and didn't even mention dd's birthday. No one else came with him. No present for dd. Nothing. We'd cut a cake for dd that evening and I mentioned we thought everyone would come and wish her happy birthday and he barked back that I'd put the phone down on sil and his dd's. I replied I was at hospital and dd obviously wasn't with me, so what was I supposed to do? He didn't reply.

2 days later it was dd1's birthday who is now 7. No phone call. Nothing. Not even a text message.

I make sure I go to meet My nieces on their birthdays give them cards and money or a present because kids like that don't they?

I'm sick of family not treating my children the same as I treat theirs.

So it's dnephew's birthday next week and I'm thinking of ignoring it and not going. Does this make me a complete bitch? I really don't know how to play this. Does anyone have any good advice because it really hurts when they ignore my children and the spiteful bitch in me want to get my own back but I know it's wrong :(

Sorry it's long.

You need to let this go a bit I think.

You wouldn't keep trying with a friend who treated you like this - but you do because they're family.

Talk to your dad (if you can) let him know that you intend to distance yourself from your brother and his wife. Elaborate as much or as little as you wish. Explain that the children shouldn't be punished because of the behaviour of their arsehole parents, so you will still send presents.

And then STOP worrying about what people will think. I find when lies are told, a good response is to shrug and say something that lies are so much more interesting than the truth, aren't they? (The truth being you don't want to be treated like shit anymore).

Sounds tough though whatever you decide.

send card only.

She's being deliberately spiteful and using your children to hurt you.

Keep your distance if you can't go NC. Be icily polite when you see them but no more. I would send a card only and by post for your DN. I wonder if there's all this mention of 'big celebrations' because they don't want you to ignore your DN's birthday and they can make you into the 'bad guy' if you do?

Do they have to be invited to the birthday party for DD1? I think you have reason enough to tell them to piss off.

I went around this morning to pick up my dad and as usual, she started showing off with everything dnephew knows...everyone's names, numbers, letters etc . I joined in with the "wow-ing" and "ooohs" and "Aaahs". Then she told me that dads doctor had called and told them to book a flu jab for tomorrow at 8am. I swiftly replied that I'm not at home all day tomorrow so I'll rebook one for the weekday. She gave me a weird look and said "oh".

I didn't mention his birthday and neither did she. No mention of the soft play outing for all the children (which I knew she'd never do as it's so expensive). On Monday I'll go and give him some money in a card; more than they've done for my children.

I hate being petty like this, but how dare they not even wish my dd1 a happy birthday by text message. They've done the same to my sister and her children also. It seems that their children are all important and ours aren't.

I'm thinking that next time I meet her (hopefully before Dd's party) I'll tell her that there's no need for her to come and that she can send my nieces around and come after the party for some dinner and cake. I'm dreading having her in my face for 2.5 hours.