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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have let this random nobody get to me?

74 replies

askyfullofstars · 14/11/2014 19:30

I am overweight.
Only by about two stone now (have lost nearly 6).
3 times a week I go to the gym after work. The gym I use is in the town centre where I work, its convenient for where I work but its in a bit of a hotspot for local drunks/druggies etc etc.
As I came out the gym, I went towards the car park, its not particularly well lit and was quite quiet.
Some pisshead approached asking me why fat people go to the gym "why do fat people go to the gym, youre fat why do you pay money and go? Why not just walk, come on fatty why why"....tried to ignore him but he just kept at it, couldnt say anything back, because I felt a bit vulnerable because its dark and quiet down there.
By the time we got to the end he was shouting fatty fatty fat bitch at mrat me.
This little road leads into an open square which is quite busy so I walked into it. He then ran off laughing.
I feel so humiliated and I keep veering between angry and upset. I did nothing??!! Why would someone think its ok to just abuse a stranger in the street??

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 14/11/2014 21:37

Ugh vile twunts....

For you Op

ameliadoop · 14/11/2014 21:39

Ugh, what an arsehole. Forget about him, op, as everyone else has said, he's just an idiot and not worth thinking about. Don't beat yourself up about not reacting or not thinking of a smart comeback either, in that situation you did what anyone else would have done. And congratulations on your weight loss!

Only1scoop · 14/11/2014 21:41

I'm ashamed to say that once I was in my trackies coming from they gym and some vile 'youth' said "look at fatso's camel toe"

I said "never mind me go view your pizza face in a mirror"

He had many teenage spots....I couldn't help it ....it just came out.

I was about 35

puntasticusername · 14/11/2014 21:43

Wow, you are amazing for losing 6 stone! I'm in awe of that.

As others have said, it sounds as if this arsehole was determined to be an arsehole and nothing you could have done would have stopped that. You did the right thing in refusing to engage with him.

I bet you look lovely no matter what you weigh, btw

wtffgs · 14/11/2014 21:46

Agree with PP that it's nothing to do with you but solely because he is a sad, misogynistic little prick.

A white van driver called me a fat cow for not letting him barge into the queue - was 7 months pregnant so, yes, quite round. I lost the weight after I had DD. I imagine he is still a flaccid little dick somewhere

Italiangreyhound · 14/11/2014 21:56

Hi askyfullofstars

first of all how incredibly amazing that you lost so much weight, how great.

Secondly you were right (IMHO) not to reply to him, he was being aggressive, not just rude, shouting at you in a dark street and calling you words like 'bitch' goes beyond rude into some sort of harresment - that's my opinion, not sure what the law says.

You said 'I feel so humiliated', you 100% should not feel any humiliation, you are amazing and he is an idiot. Please share how you lost all that weight and maybe consider taking up a martial art so if you ever feel threatened again you can at least feel, if you needed to, you could escape safely (I do Taekwan-do and we cover self defence.

Re I keep veering between angry and upset. of course you do, it is upsetting and you are completely right to be angry. BUT do not allow this odious toss pot to live rent free in your head, he does not belong there.

And finally I did nothing??!! Of course you do not do anything wrong, you are getting your body fit, how great.. and Why would someone think its ok to just abuse a stranger in the street?? Because they are an idiot, but idiots can be dangerous so park in the safest place you can, learn some self defence and be reassured you are a star and he was a moron.

Good luck.

PS I really do mean share you tips, I am trying to lose weight too!

Aeroflotgirl · 14/11/2014 21:57

What a knob, no don't let a stupid drunk idiot get to you.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/11/2014 21:59

1scoop he bloody deserved it, good on you!

ChickenMe · 14/11/2014 22:03

That's awful OP. He sounds like total pond life. And so brave eh, bet he wouldn't have said that to a huge guy. He sounds utterly insignificant and inadequate

floatyflo · 14/11/2014 22:10

I think it was J.K Rowling who said there are worse things a person can be than fat.

You could be a sad nasty cunt like him!

for you lovely OP.

kali110 · 14/11/2014 22:13

Sorry to hijack thread but is anyone who uses an iphone having trouble on mn?? Everytime i go to go on a new page or even go down this page it takes me to the app store!
Only hapoening on this website.

mum9876 · 14/11/2014 23:10

I've come to the conclusion there are some people who are so utterly pathetic in life that they have to go round trying to put down others. They have nothing in their own life and that is their only little hope of power. They appear in any location.

Carry on with your path and don't let some sad old arsehole get in your way.

You sound like you're doing amazingly well. Don't be derailed.

Frozenchipsareawful · 14/11/2014 23:13

Sorry you were intimidated by a wanker. You are fab and he was just scum. Well done on your weight loss! Hope your ok now..

Honeycrumb · 14/11/2014 23:18

You can lose the weight but he will always be a twat

This from me too^

Horrid. I think it's completely understandable that you're upset, but I hope you take comfort from all the support here.

Well done for the weight loss and for going to the gym! Respect.

Pipbin · 14/11/2014 23:31

I had very similar. I am a couple of stone over weight and I run. I go at 6am so no one will see me.

One day I was running and a guy when passed on a bike. He shouted 'fucking hell look at the state of that'. In a moment of braveness I shouted, 'fuck off you cunt' after him. I don't think he was expecting it!

CountryMummy1 · 14/11/2014 23:42

Please try not to let it upset you although I know it's hard.

I had someone cut me up dangerously in the car and when I beeped them they followed me home (unknown to me) and when I got out shouted "you need to cheer up, find someone to give you an orgasm you fat bitch"

I was undergoing fertility treatment after many miscarriages and was in the depths of depression, contemplating suicide. People have no idea how much damage their remarks can do.

I still think about it now but I like to think that I am so happy, with 2 beautiful children, a lovely hubby and a comfortable life. I'm sure that thug doesn't have it so good.

You are worth a million of him x

DoJo · 14/11/2014 23:52

Honestly - pity him. He is the kind of person who gets his kick from abusing strangers in the street, which is tragic. You, on the other hand get your kicks from being a good role model and a caring mother, so who wins in the long run? That was probably the highlight of his day - I bet yours was better!

QTPie · 14/11/2014 23:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

CSISheffield · 15/11/2014 00:13

I'm angry on your behalf but also know how you feel. DH's slimmer ex-w did the same to me. It was one of a long list of things and by no means the worst but it devastated me. I said nothing, just took it, too shocked to respond. But, no matter how upset I was, I do know that the reality is that her comments refect badly on her...not me. No kind, ordinary and decent human being would stoop so low.

I AM overweight but can lose it, and to be honest, I'm finding your post very inspiring - 6 stone is an amazing achievement. Really well done.

and a pat on the back for being fabulous and absolutely nothing for the pisshead He's not worth it. Hope you're okay.

steff13 · 15/11/2014 00:16

How horrible for you! It would get to me, too. It would also get to him, because if someone approached me like that there's a fair chance he'd get pepper sprayed in the face.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/11/2014 00:31

He is a fucking idiot. The mind has to wonder would he have acted like that around a 6ft tall and 6ft wide man. I very much doubt it.,

kentishgirl · 15/11/2014 08:44

He is, as you say, a pisshead. An alcoholic.

We have a collection that hang around our town centre. Most of them are fine. There's a couple who aren't. One woman in particular gets extremely drunk then goes around getting abusive and yelling all sorts of things at people. I've had a couple of run ins with her (stopped her swearing and shouting abuse at a pensioner, made her move off our office entrance, won't give her money/cigarettes). Boy can she let rip. She's an obnoxious person, but I feel pity for her overall. I wonder what's happened to her for her to end up like this.

This was all about him and his alcoholism. It was nothing to do with you personally. You were unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If you ever feel threatened by someone like this, don't hesitate to call the police. They know all the local problem alchies and will get them away from you.

thewooster · 15/11/2014 09:27

I really feel for you OP, similar thing happened to me once and verbal abuse can scar you just as much as physical.

My dad told me when I was 18 that as I went through life, I would probably bump into a few morons. You met a moron that day.

He is a sad alcoholic. You are so much better than him and I wouldn't give him a second thought.

Original poster

askyfullofstars · 16/11/2014 20:26

Sorry, been meaning to come back to this thread but only just had a chance.
Just wanted to say a huge thank you for all the messages, it really lifted my spirits xx

OP posts:

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