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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hunger games and sleepover.

33 replies

dancestomyowntune · 12/11/2014 22:32

Dd1 is 11, will be 12 just after Christmas. She has mentioned that her new best friend at secondary school is going to invite her to a birthday party/sleepover in December and a big part of the event will be watching the Hunger Games film. She says it will be fine cos she will be 12 within days of the party.

I don't have a problem with this in itself, however, dd1 is not a child that likes 'scary' films. She is notorious for not liking anything even slightly scary. She won't even watch the early Harry Potter movies. When interviewing with a talent agent one of the first things she said was that she didn't "do scary" and she doesn't like Doctor Who.

I have watched the hunger games myself tonight to see whether it not I felt she could cope with it and I think the whole premise of the film will freak her out.

A few years ago, at another sleepover with a friend they watched a film about a vampire (nothing to scary, it was a U!) but she was terrified afterwards and wouldn't stay away from home at all for for over two years. I do not want a repeat of that!!!

How do I make her realise that she isn't going to like this film and might be better off avoiding it? I know she wants to apear more grown up and she has come on in leaps and bounds recently but this could really upset her and I don't want that!

OP posts:
Vycount · 12/11/2014 22:34

She was 9 then and now she's 11, so she might well be different. Why don't you explain how and why the film could scare her and let her make up her own mind?

MillionToOneChances · 12/11/2014 22:35

Sit and watch the first one with her. And the second. See how far she gets, while she won't lose face.

Sn00p4d · 12/11/2014 22:36

Could you watch it with her beforehand? I know she'll have seen it by the party but if she knows what's coming she can 'save face' with the new friends?

Bluestocking · 12/11/2014 22:38

Has she read the book? It's very good and will prepare her for seeing the film. I agree that you should watch it with her first though.

Original poster
dancestomyowntune · 12/11/2014 22:41

I don't think watching it with her will make much difference. She won't like it and it will play on her mind. This is the child that freaks out if she thinks we are watching doctor who in another room!

I'm going to have to talk to her about it. I just don't know how to do so without making her feel awful. What happened to the days of watching films like toy story and cool runnings?

OP posts:
qazxc · 12/11/2014 23:19

Could you talk to her about the story and themes, or even better she could read the book. That way, she would be aware of the content of the film. Once she realizes the type of film she might decide to give it a miss, otherwise st least she is forewarned.

steppemum · 12/11/2014 23:29

I think you need to explain the story line to her. ds is 11 (nearly 12) and had a friend sleep over at half term and they watched it. But both boys have read the books, so knew what to expect. When he read them, we were talking about it and dd (aged 9) wanted to know why she couldn't read/watch them so I was able to explain the basic premiss to her without freaking her out.

It seems to me to be a normal film for this age, so she is going to run into this a lot if she is nervous of scary films, so i think you need to give her enough information to make a choice, and help her if she decides she isn't ready for it.

Ir1na · 12/11/2014 23:30

Does she not like Doctor Who because it's too scary, or just because she thinks it's crap? If she finds it scary, I wouldn't let her anywhere near Hunger Games TBH. And the books are worse, they bothered me slightly and I LOVE horror!

TheCraicDealer · 12/11/2014 23:49

I found both the first films a bit harrowing in parts to be honest, and I have a fairly average tolerance for themes of death and/or mortal peril.

Try and watch the first one with her, turning it off at the first sign of protest. Then make the point that there will be no escape in the cinema, but if she admits this now you can work on a cunning plan which will allow her to go to the sleepover element without losing face.

Minerves · 13/11/2014 00:08

it's not really a scary movie imo but i think if you get her the book to see if she's ok with that first t would help

museumum · 13/11/2014 00:13

In my experience adults are far far more disturbed by the basic premise of the games than children. Kids learn about Roman gladiators in history class without really feeling the brutality of it.

I agree with trying a pre-watch at home when you can switch off at any moment.

Original poster
dancestomyowntune · 14/11/2014 13:53

Ok so here's an update:

We spoke to dd1 about how concerned we are about her watching these films and it turns out to be the new one at the cinema they are going to watch. Dd1 has agreed to watch the first two at home with us, so that she is prepared for what she might see. And dh and I are going to go and watch the third film prior to a decision being made. I have also suggested that she read the books so that she understands the premise of the storylines as I think sometimes in films that isn't properly explained.

Someone said the third film isn't such a blood bath, and at least if she is pre warned she will know roughly what to expect.

Thanks for all your advice.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 14/11/2014 14:15

You and DH are going to the cinema to watch a teenage film as "research" so your dd can make an informed choice as to whether to attend a party or not?? Wow.

FelixTitling · 14/11/2014 14:19

I hope the party is a long way off. There seems to be a lot of research to be done.

JustAShopGirl · 14/11/2014 14:34

The third film is not a full on bloodbath but according to pre screening reviews some scenes are WORSE than the first 2 films - it is deeper and darker and some adult reviewers have questioned the 12A certificate.

As it is at the cinema - is there an adult going? She may not get in otherwise.

ScarletFever · 14/11/2014 14:34

"This is the child that freaks out if she thinks we are watching doctor who in another room! "
Think you need to work on this to be honest....
Also - the books are WORSE than the films - graphic wise. i read them a few years ago, and didnt really want to see the films as i remember feeling a bit eww.. but found the film a lot 'tamer' in areas

FelixTitling · 14/11/2014 14:41

Last year, dd (11) was terrified of the thought of The Hunger Games, just from what she had heard other kids say about it in the playground.

We got her the Divergent series first to ease her in, which she loved. SHe then ended up watching Hunger Games 1(film) at a friends house and came back asking for the books which she's now read. We've now watched the first 2 films a number of times as a family and ds (9) is currently tackling the books too.

No idea about the 3rd film though they are both dying to see it.

solidussnake · 14/11/2014 15:48

The hunger games books are actually for older teenagers, like, 16 year olds. I have no idea how they got away with making the films a 12a!
The books & films are quite clearly based off the 1999 Japanese cult film, Battle Royale. Much more bloody & gory & upsetting and I loved it, however thats an 18. This is a 12a with EXACTLY the same premise - school children killing each other.
It's not for kids at all. I only wouldn't because it's specifically for older children and it is quite disturbing. My sister is younger than me and watched the first one when she was about 14 and she enjoyed it, but it did bother her slightly. I'm not bothered by anything. Although it is for older teenagers, it all depends on the child. You've said your dd is scared at Dr Who, I really wouldn't let her anywhere near THG.

bigjimsdiamondmine · 14/11/2014 16:59

I think you might be taking this a tiny bit too seriously. You obviously care about your daughter so much, its lovely! but unfortunately she will have to be prepared for the disturbing shit that's in the world at some point. Gradually easing her in now through fiction is probably a good idea. My daughter (only 4) has seen something I would really have rather she didnt , it satyed with her for a while, we had a lot of tears, and occasionally it gets mentioned, but on the whole no lasting damage. What Im trying to illustrate is whether she sees it or not is not going to have huge lasting consequences in the great scheme of things.

GreenPetal94 · 14/11/2014 17:20

is it you or dd who is worried about this?

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 14/11/2014 17:30

I think it seems entirely reasonable to sit down and watch the DVDs of the first two with her before she decides to go to see the third one at the cinema (obviously stopping early if she's really hating it). Apart from anything else, she'll won't enjoy it anything like as much if she hasn't seen the first two, and she won't be able to fully share the post-film dissection with her mates.

Going to see part 3 yourself at the cinema seems a bit OTT though. It'll be the same classification (very top end of 12A) as the first two, for essentially the same reasons, and you can read the BBFC Insight here. Unless your DD is sensitive to very specific types of content she'll react the same way to the third one as to the first two.

Sixgeese · 14/11/2014 18:58

I have watched the first two films and read all the books, and I find the third book the most disturbing in content.

In the first two, Katniss and co are fighting for survival against the bad guys, but in the third book, you no longer know who the bad guys are, her sister gets blown up and Katniss murders the head of the rebels.

My eldest is only 9, but I don't think I recommend the film to my 13 year old niece until I saw it, and I feel guilty as my 15 year old nephew wishes that I had told him not to read the third book.

BettyFocker · 14/11/2014 19:44

I think you're being way OTT. Fair enough, watch the first two together so she knows what it's about so she won't be out of the loop for the third film, but you and your DH going to the cinema to see it so you can make an informed decision on whether she attends? Christ on a bike. It's a 12A film and she's almost 12. She's not attending a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Would you and DH pop along to Thorpe Park and test Colossus if she was due to go on a school trip but was scared of rollercoasters? It's all way too much overthinking and fuss. I think you preparing her and warning her that it's going to be scary could cause her to be more scared as she watches it and expects something terrifying to happen, rather than just let her watch it and make her own choice about how it makes her feel.

For what it's worth, I watched Scream at a sleepover when I was 10. Had a nightmare that night. I'm now a horror movie buff. When I was little I found a lot of things scary. The opening scene to Casualty used to terrify me! Kids find a lot of things scary but you can't wrap them in cotton wool and vet everything they see.

Jewels234 · 14/11/2014 19:57

I'm almost 30 and equally terrified of Harry potter, the hunger games or Dr who. I know I'm ridiculous, but have an over active imagination. I sympathize with your DD.

Can you have a quiet word with the mum of the friend and ask if there's any way she can change it? Or if not, there needs to be some prep with your daughter and talk about ways she can handle it. So, while the scarier bits are on she is doing something else (needs to go to the loo? Gets stuck in to some pizza?)

Floggingmolly · 14/11/2014 20:04

Tell me you're joking, Jewels Shock
Op., do not ask the party girl's mum to change the film they're going to watch (undoubtably chosen by the birthday girl herself) to suit your child. Nobody normal would contemplate this.