To think someone should have noticed

[Belfastmum32]

DS is 1 this week, for the last 6 months DH, DS and I have been spending part of the week with my parents (allows DH a much shorter commute and I'm still on mat leave). I really appreciate the help, and from I financial pov I would have had to cut mat leave short to cover fuel costs (in the interests of full disclosure my parents are also lending us money to allow me to take the full 1 yr mat leave). My brother also spends a lot if time at their house.

I am grateful for all of this but frustrated that in the last 1 year my husband and I haven't had a night out. Despite living in a house with 3 adults. Never mind a night out, a coffee? A walk? A cinema trip? DS gets looked after for 30 min or so some days if I drop DH off at work. Excluding that there are 3 occasions someone has looked after him. My last haircut (May if anyone wants to judge), a trip to the beach, and 30 min while I packed last week. AIBU

AIBU to think that someone might have noticed and offered to look after him? And no we haven't asked (seems a bit late now). But still.

I get what you mean, but I think YAB slightly U. It would be nice if people offered rather than being asked (taking into account that they've been there, done that and understand it's nice to have a night off). But, you shouldn't expect it. Just ask - say you appreciate everything they do for you, but that it would be really nice to have a night of adult time with DH and would they mind? Surely when DS's in bed it wouldn't make any odds if they're not doing anything. I'd like to think I'd offer in those circumstances, but that's just me (and if I didn't offer I wouldn't expect to be viewed as mean). I'm rambling now.

Gentle YABU here too.

A relative of mine offered to babysit when DS was a baby, but she was mind-reading to a certain extent as she remembered those days from having her own DC and was sure we would feel the same.
Not everyone would come forward and offer so you do have to ask.

curlyweasel, you arent rambling..it's called not being unnecessarily aggressive and curt :)

(unlike some)

I agree with Fanjo- you can disagree, but there's just no need to be a dick about it.

Belfastmum32, I think you are being unrealistic to expect them too offer, but it wouldn't do any harm to ask, I don't think. And yes, you're lucky to have a lovely family, but that doesn't make you some kind of entitled princess.

To, not too

So, mouse, you wish you had the support that the OP has and the money her parents "throw" at her because she chose to have a child, but you think she should grow up and stand on her own two feet?

So if you wish you had it, surely you can't be so nasty about her having it? Odd!

Btw, I think it takes a real commitment to the cause of dickishness to read an OP who has said she's a first-time poster (and a pregnant one at that, who could be feeling pretty hormonal), has conceded pleasantly that she might be unreasonable, expresses some upset at the responses, and still be rude and unkind.

You sound really ungrateful. They already do so much for you and then you moan because they have not asked you if they can babysit. They are paying for you to be with the baby. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? My mum is in and out of hospital and my dad died before my son was born.

Just ask them, it really is not that difficult, I ask my family members to have my son and there has never been a problem.

OP hasnt said she is pregant.

thats ok then..get stuck into her

OP you can hire a babysitter if you ask around for recommendations, it doesn't have to be family.

That might have been my faulty assumption based on the reference to maternity leave, but it's not really the main point I was trying to make.

Yes that was my point

Just be sure that if you do ask, that you offer an 'out'. Such as "DH and I would love a night out. Would you consider watching DS for us or would it be easier/better if we got a sitter?" If they agree to watch him, make it a 'short night' the first time, a couple of hours.

There really is no rule that says grandparents must watch grandchildren. Many jump at the chance, many don't want the responsibility. It may be that your parents feel that they are at their limit with DS as it is. And I don't mean that unkindly. It's just that one year olds can be very busy and as we get older we get tired faster and our nerves get frazzled more easily.

I can understand why you feel that way.
DH and I haven't been on a night out alone since DS was born 4 years ago.
Just ask.

You can't win on Mumsnet - some posters are equally outraged when their parents/ILs suggest they babysit so that the new parents can have an evening out - and the mumsnetter cannot bear to leave her PFB or thinks no one else can possibly be good enough to look after the baby .

Come on bof and fanjo the OP asked was she BU.

She totally was. She can see that now.

I don't think under the circumstances that she has been unfairly ripped apart. I've seen much much worse for a lot less.

It's aibu.

Yes it's clearly impossible to tell someone kindly they are being unreasonable and you have to just tell them to grow up and call them entitled.

It is AIBU after all.

And having seen worse doesn't make it right either.

Erm like I said it's aibu.

People don't do kindly on here. It's not compulsory either.

Naice to naice, though eh, chaps?
www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette

"People don't do kindly on here"

I picture you saying that in a Phil Mitchell voice

No. I'm much more Cindy Beale.

That has given me the proper giggles.