To think someone should have noticed

[Belfastmum32]

DS is 1 this week, for the last 6 months DH, DS and I have been spending part of the week with my parents (allows DH a much shorter commute and I'm still on mat leave). I really appreciate the help, and from I financial pov I would have had to cut mat leave short to cover fuel costs (in the interests of full disclosure my parents are also lending us money to allow me to take the full 1 yr mat leave). My brother also spends a lot if time at their house.

I am grateful for all of this but frustrated that in the last 1 year my husband and I haven't had a night out. Despite living in a house with 3 adults. Never mind a night out, a coffee? A walk? A cinema trip? DS gets looked after for 30 min or so some days if I drop DH off at work. Excluding that there are 3 occasions someone has looked after him. My last haircut (May if anyone wants to judge), a trip to the beach, and 30 min while I packed last week. AIBU

AIBU to think that someone might have noticed and offered to look after him? And no we haven't asked (seems a bit late now). But still.

Where's the shouting? You are being ridiculous to be honest.

I dont think you're being unreasonable in thinking that given you're all under the same roof that someone would have said oh leave the baby here and off you/you two go for drink etc.

As for taking over someone else's home? I assume you just didn't turn up when your parents were out one day and that you moving in with the was discussed? Its hardly a take over.

Tbh OP you've got off lightly.
On another day you would have been ripped apart.

they can't read your mind you know. Just ask.

I would be uncomfortable asking them to look after him while he is awake. But why wouldn't you ask when he is asleep and in bed? That's not difficult for them to do at all. I can't believe that you haven't just mentioned it months ago.

I think you need to ask them - it sounds like they would help out happily.

Oh, and AIBU is carnage. Don't start off here

Unreasonableness noted (and in fairness probably already known about or wouldn't have felt need to ask). For the record I am nothing but grateful for all they've done (as mentioned in op), I'm not huffing or moping as suggested by some and I haven't asked largely because I imagine if they felt they were able to do it they would have offered. I appreciate the reality check even if it did come with a bit more vitriol than expected.

No, don't imagine that they would have offered. My parents never offer but they always gladly say yes if asked.

But babysitting is something that you ask someone to do to facilitate a specific event, whether is a quick drink at the pub or a show or other event that comes up. Either way, it seems odd to expect them to offer rather than just asking - it sounds like they are very generous with their time and attention, so I'm sure they would love to. Perhaps they have been on MN before and don't want to come across as pushy or interfering!

If you think that the responses here are shouty and vitriolic I would politely whisper that you are on the wrong site.

Hmm, generally speaking, grown women who have to take handouts from their parents don't have the luxury of nice haircuts and trips to the pub.

toastyfingers yes, if you're hard up enough to need help then you should sit in that dark corner and be grateful you've got a roof over your head.

Just ask them to babysit once in a while. But you should be massively grateful they are letting you stay with them for part of the week. They probably think they are doing quite enough favours already.

Blimey.

I wish my mum had the room to accommodate me and my DH and my DC and all of the associated paraphernalia that comes with a DC for part of the week.

And the spare money to throw at me when I chose to have a DC.

But she doesn't so I guess I'm forced to live like a grown up and support myself.

You sound very entitled and ungrateful.

Having parents who can do what the Op's parents can do does not mean their children arent grown up and can't support themselves.

The fact they can do it and the OP benefits from it is life.

Your parents are doing a massive amount for you already - lending / giving you money to continue your maternity leave is such a wonderful gift, as well as letting you stay with them.

They probably would also babysit but you honestly have no reason to feel resentful towards them or to think that they should have noticed.

I know you've heard this now. The thing about mumsnet is it tells you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear.

If you had gone to a site and got replies along the lines of 'they should have known hun' and you felt more resentful towards them, it could have been disastrous for your relationship with your parents and resulted in them removing some of their amazing generosity.

Honestly people here are telling you what you need to know.

Perhaps my opinion is wildly different, or maybe I'm just a little bitter because no-one subsidies me or my family.
I'm not suggesting the OP sit in the dark and be miserable It just doesn't sit right with me that someone who can't really afford not to go back to work gets given money to enable her to stay at home with her baby, then complains about not having nights out or free childcare.

. DD is 4. For no better reason than 'we haven't organised ourselves' DH and I have had 1 night out together this year, and that was at a wedding. But that's our fault for not sorting something out! (And we're not that bothered ).

We have very very little family help, and hardly get any time for ourselves without having to pay through the nose for a babysitter. It is hard when they're very wee, but honestly, just ask or get a babysitter. I get if you said you were going to pay for a sitter they'd say 'oh, don't worry, we'll do it!'.

I don't think it's up to other adults to "notice" that you're not going out and guess that you might want to.

Ask! The worst that can happen is that they say no.

Fair play, you've said twice that YABU, so I'm not going to repeat.

However, you've not been shouted at - people offered their opinions on the question they asked about.......

I'm with the 'Why on earth not just ask?' brigade too. I can't be doing with this 'other people should notice what I want even though I've not said it' way of acting.

I bet there's another thread on here somewhere saying my parents keep offering to babysit so DP and I can go out.
OP bit of a mistake to waltz into AIBU as a newbie on MN. Agree with PP - you got off lightly!

she totally has been shouted at , and told to grow up.

Why couldn't people just say "with respect, they are doing a lot already and you haven't really asked them", without the snarky "grow up" crap?