to get annoyed when people tell me my ds is hungry?

[ampersandand]

My DS is now 12 weeks and is difficult to settle to sleep when tired.

On occasions when we've been out and he's been moaning (not full on crying) some people have commented to me that he's hungry. It really gets my back up.

I generally time it so he's fed before we go out and hes a very good feeder. Lasts 2/3 hours before he's hungry again.

I went to the shop 5 minutes up the road in the late afternoon yesterday (after a feed) and he was moaning at the till, the lady said 'Oh he's hungry' I replied 'No he's not. He's tired and finds it hard to sleep hence why we're having a walk'.
I walked home annoyed.

Aibu to be getting annoyed at these people?!

It is annoying, but people are trying to help and to make conversation. You might as well get used to it though as you get all sorts of comments and suggestions when you're a parent.

I think it's tricky because no matter whether it's meant to be or not, when you are analysing and worrying about everything you do because you want the best for your baby, unsolicited advice can easily come across as a judgement on your parenting.

People used to say stuff to me about DD all the time and it would sometimes reduce me to tears (was hormonal and incredibly sleep deprived.) DM made me feel better when she said that most people aren't judging, they just want to share their experience.

FWIW people still say stuff to me now DD's 2. I usually smile and ignore if if necessary.

If they are really rude I tell them I am trying my best and sometimes being a mum is hard.

Penguin.

I have said that as a crappy way of trying to let the Mother know that I wasn't bothered by the noise her baby was making.

To be fair I said "Aah...is she hungry?" and not "She's hungry" but the Mother wasn't bothered and said that yes she was and that she was going to feed her.....I only say it as an ice breaker in those moments where the yelling baby is the elephant in the supermarket queue!

Yanbu.

I hate hate hate anyone commenting on what they think my baby needs. I'm his mother!!

My dad and his wife came to stay when DS was about 8 weeks old and cluster feeding in the evening. Pretty much every time I went to feed him "surely he can't be hungry again"
Or "is he due a feed?"
He's breast fed on demand you stupid stupid woman so just shut the F up!!!

This used to drive me nuts. I wanted to get a t-shirt saying "No, he's not hungry!"
More reasonable (but not tired, breast feeding or in the thick of it) DH pointed out maybe it was people's way of sympathising, or just a comment to make. That pacified me for about 3 seconds.

It probably is just a comment most of the time (having had 7 years to get over it), but I feel your irritation!

Eminy I never understood the whole "due a feed" when I had my babies. I just fed them when they wanted it and still can't quite fathom timed feeds.

YANBU - my dd was very difficult to settle, i would take her out for a walk (after a feed) to the shops to and she would cry and the amount of people who said to me 'oh is she hungry'!! It actually put me off going out!

It used to really irritate me when people said this to me. I got it alot with my first. He had reflux and screemed constantly. I used to have him in his carrier, so it tended to coincide with me also having a cleavage full of rapidly cooling sick.

YANBU to feel annoyed at being told by strangers what the matter is with your own baby. It can come across as slightly judgy sometimes and condescending. I do think that it usually comes from people trying to show empathy though. Wait till you've got a little thug boisterous toddler on your hands. I look back on the days of just feeling slightly judged, with a tad of nostalgia, because now it's much more definite

It's just small talk. You're probably just being oversensitive because you're tired.

BTW one of my friends swears by THIS as a way of actually knowing what your baby wants.

Oh dear, reading lots of responses here from crotchety, cranky, shattered new mums and making a mental note to try and stay calm when that's me again in a few months time.

Don't worry about it. People make comments not realising how it can upset you. Its hard work I know smiling sweetly and not getting a bit pissed off. They don't mean to upset you I'm sure. But you have a small baby who is feeding well and let's face it that is tiring. I know how you feel but it's there look out not yours. Smile sweetly and let it go.

Blimey, some people are sooooo touchy, it's just a passing comment.

To be honest, I've never thought they were saying it in kindness/empathy and that in fact they were hinting that I shouldn't be out ignoring a hungry baby?

Looking at it from the perspective that they were just being nice, agreed its probably over sensitive/paranoid whatever you want to call it. Maybe I am tired and need to get thicker skin!
Just find it annoying as like I said, I will time it after a feed so he shouldnt be hungry when we go out and like others have said it feels a bit judgy and you know your own baby.

To the responses that perhaps he is hungry, he would be on the breast all day if he could. In the beginning I would put him on whenever he cried (first time mum hadn't a clue what I was doing) and he would eat so much it made him sick and uncomfortable. I soon learned that he also cried because he was tired etc and needed help to fall asleep.
So yes he would feed, it would probably settle him but he would be using it as a sleep aid.
Just to clarify, I will feed him when out and about if he is hungry, my personal favourite breastfeeding spot is in the car in Lidls car park...

Also sounds like I'm going to have to get used to more comments/looks as DS grows up. I have a lot to learn.

If you are planning to give him nothing but breast milk until he is six months old then you will definitely need to grow the hide of a rhino. You'll constantly be deflecting all the looks and the shock and horror emanating from anyone who has a child over 15.

If you think it's bad now, just you wait. Your granny will practically be calling social services on you for starving the child.

Mine were exclusively BF until at least 6 months, and I don't remember any negative comments. My babies did feed a lot, often when we were on the go, so they would be sucking away in the carrier as I walked around. I don't think people knew what they were doing. I guess I used my breast as a dummy, but it always seemed to work and didn't make them sick and grumpy.

I always felt they needed to suck for comfort, even when they weren't particularly hungry. They sucked on me, which worked really well for us, as I didn't mind having them hang off me like baby monkeys.

I forgot to say, that was in reply to HelloItsMe, who was saying people are critical of EBF babies, which I didn't find to be the case.

They're just trying to make conversation. The words fall out because they can't think what else to day. But that doesn't mean it's not idiotic, so YANBU

I remember a supermarket employee telling me (after I had spent an agonised twenty minutes trying to calm DD down so I could buy a loaf of bread ), 'oh, she just wants to be picked up'. No , she doesn't. If that were the case, she might have calmed down the last twenty times I tried it.

It's just something people say. I can imagine it's frustrating, but let it go.

Yanbu, this really got my goat too

Babies cry and that's that, it's not always hunger, probably why we have a childhood obesity problem, oh yes, it murmured, shove some food in it!

I would respond: "Shit, you have to feed them?!" then leg it.

My MIL was always telling me what my then babies needed so I sympathise though I do tend to think that strangers are just passing the time of day. Just smile and ignore.....

(Luckily we live 2 hours away from MIL so didn't see her that often. I was always trying to get them to nap and/or feeding my dc because she thought they were hungry and/or tired ).