To think there should be more done about paedophiles awaiting trial?

[SaucyJackOLantern]

Just found out from listening to local news that our next door neighbour (literally right next door) has been convicted of possessing 1000s of images of child abuse at the most severe level. Which was nice.

Thing is..... he was initially arrested last December, so for eleven months the police have known that there was a paedophile living here. It's a large block of flats with shared entry ways and communal gardens where children play out. He could've done something at any time- particularly as he would've expected he was going to prison anyway.

AIBU to think in situations like this the police should be giving out warnings? Obviously not to name people that are yet to be convicted of a crime, but just a heads up not to let kids out in communal areas unsupervised. Our front door is literally ten inches from his- and both are inside the block that's kept closed by security doors. My 9&8 year old girls have played in the stairwell plenty of times with me thinking they're safe.

I don't know why I'm posting this, and I'm sure I am being U really. But for fucks sake. Why are these people allowed to walk the streets in anonymity?

It makes me feel sick to know that I've been sat here on the sofa with my girls while he's been on the other side of the wall wanking over videos of four year olds being raped, quite frankly.

But don't let the mere realities of his actual real life crime detract from your hand-wringing over some imaginary vigilante victim that never existed or ever will.

so what would you do about it

he's been convicted now and is presumable not there

before he was convicted he was not deemed high enough risk for remand

if you had known, would you have moved your furniture around?

I'm trying not to sound facetious, I understand the horrific thought of it being so close
but I try to get frothed up about things I can do something about

He's been living right next door to us for a good four or so years. We see him to say hello to in the stairwell all the time

So a stranger who happens to live in your immediate comunity who you are polite to then. Just the same as every other stranger you pass ona regular basis.

I don't understand the animosity to you Saucy your unease is completely understandable.

I see where you are coming from saucy and it would make me feel ill to know after being charged awaiting trial the twisted man doing what he did only feet away. Added to the fact they get it wrong so often and so many are not on remand and have done a similar trial when on bail.
I have rarely seen any vigilante attacks in the news but there are a lot of child abusers that have been convicted and then let back out only to reoffend.

saucy you can't think like that. There is nothing you can do about what he's been up to and you will stress yourself even more if you let yourself think like that.

I'm deliberately challenging your suggestion that children are either a) adequately supervised or b) equipped with the skills to not be abused. There's a massive grey area in between within which a lot of abuse occurs- a familiar neighbour awaiting trial for serious child abuse crimes is definitely within that grey area, hence this thread

No you are attempting to imply I am victim blaming or that its strange for me to suggest that with normal independence at age appropriate levels, risk identification and management is a helpful tool when guarding against the minimal risk surounding stranger danger(the risk of sexual abuse from a stranger even one you may politely nod to in passing is very low).

Abuse of any kind is always the fault of the abuser it is never the fault of the victim

saucy its perfectly normal to be horrified when you hear about things like this and should more be done? Of course more should be but should that involve disclosure to people who have no real need to know? I don't think so.

Unfortunately we live in a world where lots of unsavoury types also live the majority of us will live close to someone who either commits or wants to commit horrible offences against vulnerable people and children and a great many of these people have never been cought and nobody will ever know exactly who all of these people are. Most people are perfectly ok but they look just the same as the ones who aren't.

I'm not attempting to imply anything. I am stating you are victim blaming. You're suggesting that abuse is less likely to happen when children are supervised or trained. Which is true to a certain extent but not failsafe at all. It's not road safety.
And risk identification and management is a helpful tool
Mmm... what might have helped the OP to keep her children safe?

Do not be ridiculous.

every single respected child protection service that operates would recommend age appropriate supervision and age appropriate risk management teaching with regard to stranger danger.

Nothing is ever fail safe where have I said it is? Even road safety teaching isn't fail safe but it does go quite a way to further reducing risk.

So far the op has indicated that the only contact her children and herself have had with the person is saying hello in the stairwell and on the doorstep handing over parcels it does not sound like her children have been at any increased risk of harm than they are when passing any stranger or any other stranger knocks on the door

Both of my children are well above the age where a child protection service would recommend they needed full supervision in their own back garden. DD1's school even allows year 5s to walk home on their own- never mind through their own building without a grown-up present.

Anyway....., if you don't think it's a big deal or that they were in any risk at any point, I assume you would have been perfectly happy to have had him working at your children's school or volunteering at their scouts group whilst on bail for child sex offences then?

Working with children, that is quite different to living near them

In an ideal world sex offenders and violent abusers would self declare prior to offending and we could exile them forever onto another planet but that's never going to happen.

They look just like everybody else and are not always detected its wise to be mindful of that whilst accepting that nobody wants to live their life as if everybody is a predator

Not in terms of having opportunities to abuse them. His skills in dishing up hot lunches or tying up a toggle aren't the issue. What if it was your BIL instead?

Again, would you have been happy for him to have been having access to your children when he was on bail? Are you still confident that there's no risk of abuse so long as you victim blame tell your children about "stranger" danger.

But he doesn't have access to your children? No one is victim blaming but your children are no more at risk now than they were before you knew.

And working with vulnerable people is a completely different thing.

If he was a family member that was likely to have access to your child/ren then the risk would be vastly increased and I would say you would have a very good argument for being informed and in many circumstances this would happen.

If he worked in a school or a children's club then that is also different as he would cease to be a stranger you nod to in passing and becomes an adult in a position of trust with access to your child.

Nobody would be happy to have him in close proximity, but what do you honestly expect to happen?

Saucy You're moving the goalposts because most people aren't agreeing with you. Not believing that the police should go around telling everyone about someone who hasn't yet been convicted does not equate to everyone being happy with them working at a school or youth group.

I understand how you feel, but I 100% disagree that anyone has a right to know before the person has been to trial and been convicted.

Don't think you're unreasonably in your guy feeling of shock and realising how vulnerable you now perceive you and your children to be.
It's a natural enough reaction.

But I don't see what can be done about it that wouldn't infringe upon the persons right to the presumption of innocence