Leaving kids on their own?

[cheifbrody]

I know this has been done to death on here, but something that was said on morning tv yesterday made me think.

What was said is that every child is different and therefore the parent should judge the age when they are ready for it. So no legal age can be made.
That seems fair enough.

Then I thought but the legal age to have sex is 16. That is the law, but some may be ready and mature at 15yrs and some not ready or mature enough at 18yrs.

But even if you are not mature enough at 18yrs it is ok to do it.

So yes I think an age should be set, and then started to think ''what age though''.

Everybody accepts the 16 rule for sex because its LAW.

If we had an age limit for leaving kids at home that would just be it, some people would ignore it [as people do] but at least it would be clear.

But the risk is senseless. What benefits do the children have? I think th benefits to the parents out weigh the benefits to the children here.

I may not be able to stop a car crash, aeroplane crash or what ever else BUT I can make sure my child isn't taken,harmed or in a accident I could of prevented.

Each to their own I guess.

It's just all a bit grey isn't it?

Probably Ok to leave a sensible 10 year old on their own while engrossed in mine craft for 20 mins while you pop to the shops.

Probably not ok to leave a 16 year old with ADHD and a penchant for parties alone for a week while you sun it up in Tenerife without them...

What benefits do the children have?

Some independence?

Stale do you never take your child on car journeys which are necessary to you rather than the children? If the child has the choice to go on an errand with a parent but has had a busy morning and asks to stay home, is there no benefit to the child in not being dragged as long ( on a journey that has its own set of tiny potential risks?). Do you not see the independence, confidence, self reliance and self esteem benefits to the child in being trusted not babied? Benefits are there and real, and a certainty compared to risks. With playing out the benefits are even greater - social and health related (mental and physical) as well as independence etc... and of course pure and simple fun is the biggest!

mrtumble you can't compare taking your child in a car and leaving them alone.

Four/five/six year olds do not need that much independence. It actually boggles my mind that you think kids need to be left alone to gain it. I really wouldn't have give a shiny shit if my dd1 would have preferred to stay at home rather than being dragged around the shops. I'm her mother, not her friend. My job is to keep her safe.

She now is a very independant 19 year old who is just completing buying an apartment in a city center. I'm beyond proud of her taste for life - if she wants it she ensure she gets it. She has no self esteem issues. She wasn't babied she was looked after.

I'm sure all the other parents that child has gone missing or hurt all thought they would be fine too. I bet they rue the day they thought that hey?

Probably Ok to leave a sensible 10 year old on their own while engrossed in mine craft for 20 mins while you pop to the shops

Yes I agree to that ^^^

A huge mistake- they would play safe and you would have a ridiculous age like 14 yrs. Why can't parents be adults and work it out for themselves ? My decision for my children is perfectly adequate.

I leave my 11 year old for short periods of time (eg half an hour or so) have done for a couple of years. Think for longer periods of time (eg more than an hour) secondary school is fine but don't think a 11-13 should be left in with a much younger sibling, I have never left DS1 (age 4) in with DD (11) but I might leave DS1 (age 8, almost 9) with DD (but I haven't get) for a short period of time (eg 20 mins to collect DS2 from somewhere)....

Ds is only 3.5 so way too early but he's also quite clingy so we try to teach him independence. Eg if we are parking and I have to go get a ticket, I ask him if he wants to stay in the car (if I can see car the whole time), it's completely safe but just that little but exciting for him and I think that's important. As he gets older I will definitely encourage more time alone and independent although I think the way I do this may have to be adapted depending on how he matures.

Having said that, my parents left me and my brother at home alone once when we were about 11. They came home very very fast when I called to tell them I had dropped the tv on my head!

Stale why can't I? If I forced my child into the car to go on a trip they didn't want to go on, crashed, and killed/ crippled them I would as also "rue the day". I also never suggested leaving a 4 year old...

As I said upthread I have just started letting my 7 year old stay home while I run a sibling somewhere local, and do the same with my 9 year old. I do give a shiny shit about what my kids and rarely have reason to drag them around shops - but equally wouldn't leave them home to go shopping as that can always be done another time, where picking up the youngest from Kindergarten or running a sibling to football training/ tennis/ table tennis/ drama practice/ music or to play at a friends either can't wait or would disadvantage the sibling if I decided not to bother. Some days m youngest gets put in the car 5 or 6 times to run his siblings about; his older siblings get a choice some of those times because they are old enough to be left at home for 20-30 mins, have been prepared, and get a better quality of life without having to go on every run.

Mr Tumbles I said I would never let a child of 5/6 play unsupervised, to which you replied perhaps there should be a minimum age for playing out.

When my son is 5/6 he will play out, but either me or DH will supervise it.

I got flashed at by some weirdo when I was playing out totally alone aged 6, I was lucky he was not a more serious sex offender as thankfully he did not lay a hand on me.

Leaving a 7 year old home alone is irresponsible. I was left home alone aged 6 and set fire to the house. Another incident I was lucky to survive.

mr tumbles.. My daughter is 17 she was my first child so when brining her up i did what i thought was right. she was never ever left on her own. when she was 11 went to secondry she had only been on a bus alone twice. she cried when she had to get the bus to school. she once got home from school 5 mins before i got home she was crying her eyes out knocking on my mates door. she never used to go out with friends at weekends it was school and home.

Now with my son who is now 12 years i prepard him better. i let him go to the shops for me. i let him go to the park and swimming with his friends. from year 6 i let him walk home from school on his own. so when he started secondry school, september just gone. he was confident to get the bus and to be alone and manage general things his self. and if he does get home just before me he just waits in the garden.

We have enough of a nanny state without someone telling us when to leave children, when they don"t know us, our children or where we live.

Mr tumbles, I leave my almost eight year old for ten minutes whilst I nip to the shops. She locks herself in, will not answer the door and can use the phone. If I was in any doubt about leaving her I wouldn't. The first time she asks not to be left then I will stop.
I know my child better than anyone else. She is a sensible child. There are things I won't let her do because I wouldn't trust her, but I know my child.
At some point we have to give our children independence. All children are different and, babies and toddlers aside, I think as parents we are best placed to decide how much and when.

I started leaving DS at home for maybe 15 mins when he was 8.5, he is very sensible, can use the phone (all our mobile umbers are on speed dial), he could get out of the house in a fire but knows not to for anything other than an emergency and I still (at 10.5) never go more than half a mile away, so I can always be back in 10 mins on foot, a couple of mins by car. DS loves the responsibility and loves not being dragged places with DD any more.

On the other hand, DD is now nearly 9 and definitely not ready for being alone for more than a few minutes, although she has been left with DS for maybe 15 mins once or twice. She's sensible too, but says she does not want to do it yet.

mrtumble you can't compare a car journey to leaving a child unsupervised , it's a crap comparison - like a fish to kettle.

Taking your child in a car the adult resumes the responsibility and also the other adult drivers.

Leaving a child unsupervised leaves the responsibility for that child's safety snd well being firmly at the Childs toes. A sensible and mature five year old? Really? I work with children from 3 upwards . All five years I know are silly and unpredictable.

I sencerly hope that nothing bad happens to your children while they are left alone as you probably will end up in court for neglect which will be small in comparison with the guilt you should feel for leaving them.

ghost its a shame your dd was like that. Mine was getting a bus and a train every morning to school at that age and I didn't feel the need to start 'training' her to be alone when young.

I don't think it's something you can sensibly put in law.

When DS was a baby I used to leave him in his cot to have a nap while I did gardening (I took the baby monitor so I could hear if he woke up).

I also used to go get his big sister from playgroup.

The playgroup staff would bring her out to me, I could see my front door ten yards away, and I was a darn sight closer to DS than I was in my own garden.

So which of those was wrong and which should be illegal?

I think a parent can tell when their child is old enough to be left alone for a short while. Problem is that many parents ignore that their child is capable because of their own fears.
Children can't be left in alone, they can't play out, I think it is really sad.
Surely a parents job is to teach a child how to stay safe and to develop confidence, not wrap them in cotton wool.
There is always a risk but I think children are damaged more by over protection.

Wow you damage your children if you don't leave them unattended brilliant !

You can't damage children by over protection if you know they couldn't cope with the responsibility. However, you need to give children room to grow in independance. Hence my first comment, a parent is best placed to know their own child's limitations.

Wow you damage your children if you don't leave them unattended grin grin brilliant !
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No - You 'damage' them by over protection.

Rowgtfc72 If you know they cannot cope - then that is not over protection, surely?

No - my 19 year old isn't damaged at all. As I said up thread she is just about to finish buying her city centre apartment where she also works. She wasn't left alone till at least ten. And that only while I went to the shops. At 11 she left the house at 7am got a bus and train to school in the next county. Leaving her at four/five/six was uncalled for. Mostly the cases I have read about have been that the parent just wanted to 'nip' some where so couldn't be arsed taking the child. Who is really getting the benefit there?

If you want to leave your kids unattended while they are very young- do so at yours and theirs own risk. I think it's funny that the parents that do are the ones slinging names about. Insane , paranoid, over protective .....

If I knew a neighbour was leaving their five year old alone in the house I would absolutely call the police.

I leave my sensible 9 year old for 10 mins or so, she walks to the shop on her own and has walked to school on her own. However, for longer periods (few hours) I would say secondary age. My ASD boy aged 8 often stays in the car while we do a quick shop (his choice), he will sit quietly in the car playing his DS, but in the supermarket the sensory overload makes him behave dangerously, climbing on trollies, running off etc.

stale apparently you can't read - I said 7 not 5. And children are not automatically reckless or stupid - it is actually harder work properly preparing a child to take on the amount of independence they feel ready for than it is to just keep them in where you can see them or pay people to watch them.

In talking about risk it is absolutely appropriate to mention the inherrent risk of road travel, it's not acceptable purely because it's the risk you thought nothing of so don't want to think about!