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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unbirthday party, crass?

46 replies

Allstoppedup · 10/11/2014 16:24

My (PFB), DS' birthday is very close to Xmas. Obviously he will be one this year but we aren't going nuts as he is too young etc.

When he was born I couldn't help feel sad that he was so close to Christmas and did wonder if it would effect his birthday enjoyment. I've spoken with other mum's I met via NCT etc whose babies were born at a similar time and we've all kind of agreed it would be nice to do things as a family on his actual birthday and then have party for DC's at a less hectic time of year. I should say I would never expect or instruct gifts be brought to a party such as this. I always thought it would be nice to do in summer and my DP and I could always save some money and give him a more 'summer season gift' ourselves at this time so there is some spread of 'events' over the year.

Today at a group I mentioned it to another mum in passing who wrinkled her nose and said she thinks it's a horrible idea and that if we want to make DS's birthday special we should just wait to decorate until after his birthday (not practicle or very festive for the days leading up to Christmas!) and make sure we organise his parties enough in advance that people can fit it into seasonal plans etc...she then went on to say that her DC had birthdays 'close' to Xmas (End of November!?) and she'd managed without resorting to 'crass, royalty like' second birthdays.

I was a bit shocked so kind of nodded but came away feeling a bit sad. I know there will always be people who don't love the idea but she seemed really annoyed at the prospect and now I'm back to feeling a bit sad about it all (which i know is silly, I'm just a bit hormonal/socially very anxious)

Obviously it will probably be a few years before this is even a practical concern and I'm sure by then I will be over it but AIBU to feel the other mum was rude and that having a party as suggested is not so awful!?

OP posts:

tinylttletrotters · 10/11/2014 16:28

don't listen to her opinion , just do what feels right for you

I think it sounds lovely

Katz · 10/11/2014 16:28

My birthday is Boxing Day and I've always celebrated it at Christmas time. I've never known any different. My party was often slightly later in jan once school was back. My parents always made a fuss of the day, one wall was left undecorated and my bday cards went up, joint presents weren't allowed (unless they'd do the same for my non Christmas bday siblings) and presents weren't to be wrapped in Christmas paper. I'd not want a non-bday celebration in the summer it's not my bday

Delphine31 · 10/11/2014 16:29

Goodness the other mum's manners are a little iffy!

I think that if you did this as a 'let's get the kids together for some fun and games in the park/garden' during the summer without making it a specific 'birthday' party it would be a great idea. You can choose whether to make it known that it's an 'instead of December birthday party' or not.

Especially given your stance on presents I would have thought other parents would love to have their kids entertained for a few hours on a summer day and won't give two hoots as to the reason for it.

I think it would be strange to sing happy birthday or have the birthday DC blowing out candles when it's nowhere near their birthday but you can do all that with family on his actual birthday and still have party food etc. for the summer do.

TeenAndTween · 10/11/2014 16:30

Is the B-Day going to be in term time usually?

We only ever put up our decorations on the last day of term. I can't cope with pushing up the excitement of Christmas whilst simultaneously getting spelling learned. Then we happily keep them up until 5th Jan.

So I reckon that if B-Day is before 20th you could do party slightly before B-Day during December, and put up decorations after B-Day.

However if very close e.g. 23/24 then you could have a 'half' b-day party for friends around June 23/24.

Discopanda · 10/11/2014 16:30

It's your child and if you want to have a party on another day go for it. My birthday always fell during Christmas holidays so we'd have the party a couple of weeks after once Christmas and New Year had died down. Ya def nbu

Chipandspuds · 10/11/2014 16:31

I'd say go for it but don't invite the grumpy lady and her kids

DS has a Christmas Eve birthday and we try to organise a party either the weekend before it after Christmas and just give people lots of notice! If he wants a summer party when he's older we're definitely open to the idea

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/11/2014 16:31

If my august born DD has a party this year, it'll be in July term time, so its easier to get the kids together.

UncrushedParsley · 10/11/2014 16:31

IIRC correctly, Winnie the Pooh had an Unbirthday, and if it's good enough for him.... We have the same problem. DD has a present day, mid-way through the year. Just parents tho. Nothing wrong with a party IMHO, but you might want to invite selectively, to avoid numptys opinions already encountered.

Waitingonasunnyday · 10/11/2014 16:33

My friend at school's birthday was 28 December. She had a massive summer party every year and we all LOVED it! Sod misery guts and do what you want to.

chocolatecrispies · 10/11/2014 16:34

I had a friend at primary school whose birthday was at Christmas and who celebrated her 'half birthday' instead. So she had a 7.5th birthday party on June 25th (for example). No one cared, we all brought birthday presents as usual.

TaurielTest · 10/11/2014 16:36

I know a few people with Dec/Jan birthdays who celebrate their half birthdays instead in the summer, and some others that don't. It's fine.

You just need to make sure you don't offend Ms Nose-Wrinkler with any invitations to parties, whenever you decide to hold them, if she finds them so objectionable.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 10/11/2014 16:36

Also my December born sister (21st) had a birthday party with my September born nephew, it was easier to have them together and at a more convenient time.

AMumInScotland · 10/11/2014 16:36

It sounds like there's a group of you from NCT with similar birthdays? So you could have a joint summer party for all of them if you fancy it without it being a particular child's birthday/unbirthday event.

Ignore people who get sniffy about your plans. She doesn't have to come to the party if she disapproves!

TweedAddict · 10/11/2014 16:37

My DS birthday is around Christmas too, what we try and do is have it on a Saturday, but make it a good few hours. Enough hours so the parents can go into town and do a bit of shopping, we also welcome brothers and sisters, so that the parents can have a child free day. Seems to work well, often have the parents saying how good it is to do the Christmas shopping child free. We tend to hire the school hall to keep costs down and do our own food.

AlpacaLypse · 10/11/2014 16:37

DTD insisted on arriving early and therefore their birthday is very close to Christmas. We've always had an UnBirthday Party for them exactly six months later, so able to enjoy outside (so much cheaper than hiring halls in winter). Real birthday is still celebrated of course, but on a small scale - family and a couple of close friends to cinema, laserquest or swimming or something like that.

And yes the other mum was rude!

NannyNim · 10/11/2014 16:38

YANBU.

My brother's birthday is a week before Christmas and so his party was arranged slightly before his birthday so it was still term time making distribution of invitations etc easier and people weren't too tied up with Christmas stuff.

We did, however, still have the occassional "unbirthday party" in the summer (I think us kids had seen it on a film or something) and it was just a good excuse to have some friends over and eat cake. No presents were involved, just silly games and friends and everyone had a lovely time!

Ignore that other mum and hav some fun! :)

Thunderbolt · 10/11/2014 16:39

My birthday is a few days before christmas and it is rubbish. No one cares about it, I've never had a party because no one would attend, I get combined birthday/christmas presents, hardly ever get birthday cards (just a quick "ps. happy birthday!" scribbled at the bottom of christmas cards) and I have always felt invisible on my birthday. I think they are important, it's a nice thing to celebrate and it's unfair to not get to do all that just because we were born in December when people born in other months get to do it. Being able to celebrate later on in the year would have been awesome when I was growing up! I don't think it's crass at all.

Jennifersrabbit · 10/11/2014 16:43

Why ever not? A relative has a Christmas Day birthday and there were plans for a name day in August, which sounded good!

My kids have both birthday and adoption days, which they love.

I think you might have to explain the rationale first time round but after that it'll probably just become a lovely annual event.

I would happily bring a present along if one of DDs friends was doing this.

Cyclopsbee · 10/11/2014 16:44

DS birthday is 2 weeks before Xmas, he's always loved it that his birthday is so close to Xmas and from a young age has wanted the Xmas tree and decorations up in time for his birthday. I suppose he doesn't know any different and 2 weeks is a fair gap to celebrate separately,
Do what is right for you, ignore grumpy pants

mousemates · 10/11/2014 16:44

My brother's birthday is on the day before Xmas Eve. As kids, we always celebrated his birthday in September because it was about equal distance between my birthday and Christmas so the celebrations got spread over the year.

My brother was about 12 before he realised his birthday wasn't actually in September. Even how, he has to stop and think and family always send cards in Sept rather than Dec. Greedy bastard now has 2 birthdays- one in Dec coz it's too weird for a fully grown adult to say 'my birthdays too close to Xmas' and another in Sept when the family send him stuff.

ZingOfSeven · 10/11/2014 16:47

pish posh, the Queen has an actual birthday and an official birthday, if it's good enough for her it's good enough for your son!
tell that to Wrinkly Nose Biatch!

YANBU

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 10/11/2014 16:48

My DS's best friend has his birthday on Dec 19th and celebrates on June 19th (or closest weekend) instead. He gets cards, presents and a party in June and just a 'Happy Birthday' in Dec. Works for him!

grunty · 10/11/2014 16:52

I think your idea is a good one and the other mum was bloody rude! My niece has a birthday very close to Xmas and it is a nightmare trying to differentiate presents, celebrations etc.

Winterbells · 10/11/2014 16:53

That woman was very, very rude! I think an "unbirthday" sounds like a great idea! Why shouldn't your son get to celebrate and have a party that's not overshadowed by christmas when children born in other months get to.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 10/11/2014 16:57

I doubt once he gets to school age most parents will notice or care that the party is months away from his actual birthday. I have no idea if any of the kids parties my DC have attended have been un-birthdays or actual birthdays. All I know is they have been to a great party, had fun and taken a gift and card.
You don't have to be very specific about the date of your childs birthday, just send out party invites (unless you mind getting cards with the wrong age on etc).
DS birthday is the first week of December, so far it has not been an issue as we just ban Christmas until a couple of days after his birthday, and his parties are usually the weekend before - so just in November. If he wanted to move it earlier I would.

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