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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unbirthday party, crass?

46 replies

Allstoppedup · 10/11/2014 16:24

My (PFB), DS' birthday is very close to Xmas. Obviously he will be one this year but we aren't going nuts as he is too young etc.

When he was born I couldn't help feel sad that he was so close to Christmas and did wonder if it would effect his birthday enjoyment. I've spoken with other mum's I met via NCT etc whose babies were born at a similar time and we've all kind of agreed it would be nice to do things as a family on his actual birthday and then have party for DC's at a less hectic time of year. I should say I would never expect or instruct gifts be brought to a party such as this. I always thought it would be nice to do in summer and my DP and I could always save some money and give him a more 'summer season gift' ourselves at this time so there is some spread of 'events' over the year.

Today at a group I mentioned it to another mum in passing who wrinkled her nose and said she thinks it's a horrible idea and that if we want to make DS's birthday special we should just wait to decorate until after his birthday (not practicle or very festive for the days leading up to Christmas!) and make sure we organise his parties enough in advance that people can fit it into seasonal plans etc...she then went on to say that her DC had birthdays 'close' to Xmas (End of November!?) and she'd managed without resorting to 'crass, royalty like' second birthdays.

I was a bit shocked so kind of nodded but came away feeling a bit sad. I know there will always be people who don't love the idea but she seemed really annoyed at the prospect and now I'm back to feeling a bit sad about it all (which i know is silly, I'm just a bit hormonal/socially very anxious)

Obviously it will probably be a few years before this is even a practical concern and I'm sure by then I will be over it but AIBU to feel the other mum was rude and that having a party as suggested is not so awful!?

OP posts:

PoppyWearer · 10/11/2014 16:58

A couple of children in my DCs' classes celebrate their half/unbirthday for this reason and I've never heard a bad word said about it. Everyone is happy that the already-crowded Christmas season isn't being made busier/more expensive.

youareallbonkers · 10/11/2014 16:58

It's up to you, do what ever you like but why is it obvious that he is one this year?

Original poster

Allstoppedup · 10/11/2014 17:04

Oh thank goodness! I was worrying it was a massive faux pas and I was about to come home to an 'AIBU to wrinkle my nose at crazy two birthday lady'.

His birthday is the 20th so its unlikely to ever fall on term time. (If he hadn't arrived so bleeding late I doubt I'd be concerned!!) Some great ideas here though and good to see both sides regarding birthdays close to the holidays!

I would obviously leave it up to DS when he is old enough and certainly won't make the mistake of solemnly handing out the birthday hats and insisting everyone honour my offspring with an awkward singing of Happy Birthday! (I will however make cake because...well, cake!)

No cake for wrinkly nose!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 10/11/2014 17:05

I think when they get to school and want to have a birthday party, they will want it fairly near to their birthday. We've got quit a few Dec and early Jan birthdays in our family, and they have all wanted their celebrations to be within a couple of weeks of their birthday. Maybe when they are old enough to choose something different (9 or so?) then it might work, but I think they will feel they've missed out if they have to wait 6 months for their party.

Original poster

Allstoppedup · 10/11/2014 17:09

yourallbonkers I'm blaming that on my annoying phone! It sometimes plays up and I have to delete and restart a sentence. I think originally I must have said he is one this year and so obviously we won't be going nuts re. Christmas!

or my PFB brain assumes everyone MUST have acknowledged the austatious moment of DS's birth

OP posts:

LittleBairn · 10/11/2014 17:11

Parents worry about Christmas birthday's far more than their kids do.
My sister and I have birthdays very close to Christmas its never bothered us if anything we loved the fact we never had to go to school on our birthday and once we were older we would have a shopping spree in the Boxing Day sales with our double birthday and Christmas money.
I always felt sorry for those with non Christmas birthdays.

Original poster

Allstoppedup · 10/11/2014 17:17

That's good to know Little

My birthday was always smack bang in the summer hols and I used to feel a bit left out as I never had a birthday 'in school' and people tended to be on holiday etc

It just goes to show there are positives and negatives in everything.

I guess I am probably overthinking it!

OP posts:

SomeSunnySunday · 10/11/2014 17:20

I think that your idea sounds lovely (and I can be a bit snooty about etiquette at times ).

ImTheOneThatKnocks · 10/11/2014 17:28

I've done this and it worked perfectly well. We just called it a birthday party though. I don't want to out myself but my family has a glut of Christmas birthdays. (Think several children and consecutive days between Xmas and new year). We actually left one DCs party until April one year.

We always have a family party on their birthday but we have never had a class/friends type party close to their birthday.

smileybadger · 10/11/2014 18:17

dd birthday is boxing day..she's going to be 2I think a small family thing on the day and summer celebration is a great idea

Frikadellen · 10/11/2014 18:22

Ds birthday is 21st December. Until he was 5 we celebrated on his halfbirthday (21st June) so had party then and did the whole family birthday on his birthday. For his 5th he said " can I have a party on my birthday please" so we have ever since.
However as a small toddler type it worked well.

I know adults who has half birthdays.

RufusTheReindeer · 10/11/2014 18:27

I've got two close to Christmas

One has her birthday party slightly earlier and the other has his birthday party slightly later

I think you should do whatever works for you

We always go to the local pub for their birthday and had friends round separately for a party (sometimes dd has had 3!) so I don't really understand how that's any different from what your planning on doing and I'm assuming your "friend" has no problem with that

ZivaMcGee · 10/11/2014 18:39

My birthday is Christmas Day. I've always (even now) celebrate a few weeks early. When I turned 30 I had a massive party several months after the event. Other than a few people (now I'm an adult) getting annoyed if they give me a card or whatever and I open it stright away as I've already celebrated "it's not your birthday whinge whinge whinge." - Yeah, Christmas Day isn't either - no one has ever been bothered.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/11/2014 11:51

My DSis loves her Boxing Day birthday. Mine is first week of Jan and it's a total anti-climax. Often the first day back at school and no one that keen to celebrate. I would have loved a July half birthday party.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/11/2014 12:01

Having said that for birthday on 20th you could have party weekend before which would probably be fine :)

HibernoCaledonian · 11/11/2014 12:18

Damn you. Now I have the Unbirthday Song from Alice in Wonderland running through my head.

lisej · 11/11/2014 12:46

I see where you're coming from, but it's only going to be an issue for you son if you make it one. Loads of people have birthdays that are close to Christmas, and it's not a problem. He won't ever know any different, so it will still feel special to him, and as he gets to school age, you could just put a party back for forward a couple of weeks so that his friends are around to attend.

If your NCT group has lots of kids born around the same time, then all getting together every year for a celebration in the summer sounds like a great idea, but I really don't think a summer 'unbirthday' party is necessary for your son and does seem a little over indulgent.

drbonnieblossman · 11/11/2014 12:51

Great idea. Her Maj has an unbirthday so why shouldn't your child.

It makes sense to me. Takes pressure off you to organise a party at a very busy time of year, means you get a lovely family celebration, and you dec Christmas decorate whenever you fancy.

BikketBikketBikket · 11/11/2014 13:51

"A very merry un-birthday to you" (sorry Hiberno ) One of my DGC has a birthday just after Christmas - so far it's just been family and a few close friends, but once school starts I think that the un-birthday party in June will be on the cards.

sickntiredtoo · 11/11/2014 15:10

My DD's birthday is xmas day so we always have an unbirthday party!

DoJo · 11/11/2014 15:43

As a rule of thumb, anyone who expresses their viewpoint so rudely probably isn't worth listening to. If people you like and who like you like the idea, then they are the ones who matter. Anyone who can't see the benefit of adding another day of celebration into the year (for whatever reason you like really!) probably isn't that much fun to be around anyway...

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