to not give my children Christmas presents?

[PastMidnightAgain]

I have three-year-old twin DDs. I'm from Southeast Asia, DH is French, we all live in England. I didn't grow up celebrating Christmas, though DH did -- his family (all in France) always exchanged presents, and still do, though it has never been a religious celebration for them. We spend Christmas with DH's family in France every year, and the children are showered in presents from all the relatives. All fine with me.

My quandary is this. As DDs get older and hear about Christmas from nursery and their friends, they have this year begun saying to me, "I'd like a trumpet for Christmas", etc. -- all very sweetly and un-presumptuously.

I haven't given DDs any Christmas presents in the last couple of years, as I figured they were too young to care anyway (though they have always gotten birthday presents and generally get new books and clothes throughout the year anyway they are not lacking!). WIBU to continue (ahem) my tradition of not giving them any Christmas presents, even as they get older, since this is not something I have tended to do, and it's not something people in my culture do that much? DH, bless him, honestly doesn't seemed fussed either way and he's not about to go out shopping for presents for them on his own! If DDs got any presents from me and/or DH, it would be because I went out and got them.

Essentially --
Reasons for not giving DDs Christmas presents: I haven't tended to; they don't need more stuff
Reasons for giving DDs Christmas presents: we live in a culture that does celebrate the holiday, so why not?

I'd be really interested to hear from other second- or third-culture people (for lack of a better term!) about how they've adapted their own traditions once they live in a new culture... Thank you!

We do celebrate Christmas. But this year we have decided just to give our boys (2 and 4) Christmas stockings and no other 'big' present from us. They get plenty from other family members, half of which we choose anyway (as we either get asked for ideas or just sent a cheque) so I figure it works out!

I can't imagine not buying presents for my dd and actually love thinking about what she would like and picking up things for her. The enjoyment of Christmas for me is having an excuse to 'spoil' her!!

That said she doesn't get much throughout the year (other than for her bday) and hasn't got a massive extended family.

Christmas is a lovely time of year to spend quality time with family, enjoy lots of food and exchange a few gifts, I say embrace it!

They aren't missing out - they are getting Christmas presents from their French family, and Chinese New Year presents from their Chinese family, and other stuff from their parents at other times.

No-one needs a tonne of presents at anytime - I think we have got obsessed with giving kids masses of presents. I don't think it does them any good, and I hate to see kids rip paper off, glance at the present and then look round for the next thing.

So if you choose to save your gifts to your children for other times of the year - it is entirely up to you. At least you and DH are of similar opinions on this.

Aeroflot, some of their friends may also NOT get Christmas presents and talk about Santa because they might not all celebrate Christmas.

Christmas is a lovely time of year to spend quality time with family, enjoy lots of food and exchange a few gifts, I say embrace it!

As far as I can see from the OP's posts, her children DO experience all this. Does it matter that much where the presents come from and how many there are?

We have no less than 4 competing nationalities at our family Christmas, all convinced that their traditions are the best I think you do need to make some concessions to the country where you live, otherwise your DC will feel left out once they start school, but a stocking of little gifts is fine. Be glad that you have an excuse not to indulge in the rampant consumerism of a typical UK Christmas

I am British but grew up in China. We always had Christmas (even before anywhere in mainland China did much about it) but also celebrated Chinese New Year in a small way with some decorations, going out to see the fireworks and red envelopes. I think my parents just thought it was strange to live surrounded by people celebrating and do nothing about it!

You can celebrate without spending loads of money.

Go got it. The more the better.

1. Do not, in any circumstances, give a three year old a trumpet. Just don't. Or if you do, buy ear defenders too

1. Celebrating christmas is about so much more than the presents and even traditional British christmasses (hmm autocorrect didn't like that - nor will the pedants I suspect) have a huge variety in what they do.

1. There are lots of lovely christmas traditions - pick and choose! I am sure there are plenty of ways to celebrate the festive season that doesn't involve the usual haul of plastic tut.

1. Chinese New Year sounds awesome. It seems like they are getting to the age where they can understand a bit more about other cultures and traditions. And that they are getting the best of both worlds.

I think it would be rubbish being a child in the UK and to not to experience the excitement of santa

Hmmm how about some of the lovely traditions that people talk about on here? So a small tree and some decorations, and an activities advent calendar. And maybe a Christmas Eve hamper (nothing huge or spendy, just a Christmas DVD, Christmas book, new pyjamas, and hot chocolate or other snack to make the evening special), and maybe just one gift on Christmas morning? Even a little stocking with a chocolate orange and one little wrapped gift?

I'm sorry, I know I'm harping on about gifts. I know you'll decide what's right for you, I'm sure you probably alreAdy know what you're going to do. I am just a Christmas nut. I love it. But Christmas was an extremely happy time for me when I was a child, a peaceful and contented and perfect time in stark contrast to my daily life (for reasons I won't go into now). So I'm sure I'm bringing that into my views on this.

"Do not in any circumstances give a 3 year old a trumpet" - maybe fair enough advice but a little plasticky style one where you can blow into it with a "Tooty, toot, toot" could be just right! And then open a little Christmas stocking ....
Ahhhh, lovely

I am of mixed heritage. My mother celebrated her culture's tradition - great - but did half hearted attempts at Xmas.

That was her choice and I don't begrudge her this though for my dc's I celebrate both traditions with pomp and ceremony. Christmas is their culture, something they want to do and I'd like to honour it. I am not Christian but I don't shy away from telling dcs about the origins of Christmas either, that to many it is a religious festival, not just a commercial one.
Tbh the more celebrations the better. That's the joy of having more than one culture.

When I lived in Thailand I was happy to celebrate the Bhuddist festivals.

Remember too that for many people in Britain christmas is a secular festival rather then a religious one. Many atheists -like me- are happy to celebrate christmas.

Such a great discussion here -- thank you all for letting me know how you’ve chosen to celebrate in your families.

In general, yes, I feel DDs are getting plenty of ceremony/love/attention from all their many and varied relatives spread out all over the world -- but I also wanted to get a sense of what Christmas is like for people who have two or more heritages to celebrate, particularly in a country where Christmas, while not the only focus around this time, is certainly the dominant one. "When in Rome..." is certainly a fair way to go about it.

I love all the ideas of picking and choosing the best bits, and I’m so curious to know how my mixed-culture kids are going to remember their mishmash of a childhood!

ClashCityRocker Yep, the request for a trumpet was met with sideways glances and an “Erm, let’s just see about it later..."

You are celebrating Christmas though, with your French family and the children are receiving gifts from the French family. You are lucky that you have a big family to buy presents so that you haven't had to. Those posters who say they only buy a small gift also seem to have family buying lots of presents. People with no family have to do the present buying themselves.

Oh, you should definitely latch onto the Christmas spirit, OP. Christmas is absolutely magical, especially when you have little people in the house to surprise and spoil a little!

You don't have to go overboard by any means and you can always pick and choose the bits you fancy doing. But honestly, there is nothing I look forward to more all year than watching my little girl pop the star on top of our Christmas tree I just love it. I do go completely mad at Christmas time and I'm guilty of being one of those parents that ruins my child with gifts, but I don't care. It's the one time of year I don't have to hear myself say "no" all the time. Money becomes irrelevant, the diet goes out the window, me and my crazy family play board games like we're all 8 years old again and we just enjoy the general merriment. It's bloody fabulous!

You could always just do a couple of small things for the dd's. Pop up a little tree and watch their faces as the lights flicker at them - it will melt your heart. Maybe get them each an advent calender or even a count down to Christmas plaque of some sort, so that they have a way of knowing how close it's getting. Gift wise, how about just a small stocking with some treats in and one or two small but well thought out gifts?

Just take some gifts to france for them and maybe before you go take them to a pantomime that could be your yearly Christmas thing with them just you and their dad.

Rather than buying them "things" can you not perhaps give them experiences? Perhaps say "We'll put some money aside and we can go to a theme park" or "We'll pay for you and a friend to go somewhere together"? I agree that living in the UK with British friends your children may come to feel left out but that doesn't mean you have to buy them more material possessions that they don't necessarily need or want.

That said, there are plenty of people who don't "do" Christmas such as Jehovah's Witnesses and they don't suffer from lack of festivities so as long as your DCs understand why you celebrate the way you do there's no reason to worry!

If you are going to go down the route of one special present, then you could maybe think of a Christmas eve present.
we have a family box wrapped up that gets opened on Xmas eve that has things like - new Xmas pj's. A Xmas dvd, pop corn,box of chocolates ,mini bottle of champagne/kids drinks . And usually some Christmas themed cake toppings to go on the cake that i slaved in the kitchen over (bought from sainsburys) that we finish off together as a family..then pj's on ,dvd on and pig out

My uncles family never did much for Christmas in the way of present giving for religious reasons; they didn't want it to be commercial.

Instead they got one or two small presents and they valued gifts that were made rather than bought.

There are lots of different ways to do Christmas.

I speak as someone who LOVES Christmas and celebrates in a very big way....do what you feel comfortable with.

We live in France but I am not French and there are many things about French culture I do not do. My DC understand this. They do not feel left out, because we have other, different things from Britain.

I don't think your children will feel neglected because they are already celebrating Xmas in France.

It's not as if you force them to go homework and eat leftovers on Dec 25th. They have their own family appropriate traditions.