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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding anniversary expectations

61 replies

sparechange · 10/11/2014 13:36

I'm going to try and keep this one neutral...

If you had a big wedding with all your friends and family there, would you then expect them to remember the date and send you a card for your first anniversary at least? What about subsequent anniversaries?

OP posts:

littlebrownbag · 10/11/2014 14:10

Oh dear. I've been sending a card to my friends every anniversary (I was their chief bridesmaid). I've also sent one every year to my brother & sister-in-law. Hope I've not been annoying them!

HappyAgainOneDay · 10/11/2014 14:11

Only1scoop I do the same as you.

Notso · 10/11/2014 14:20

I found it a bit odd when we got first anniversary cards from loads of people. Although I do have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about celebrating our wedding, we had been together 10 years and had 2 DC when we got married. It seems weird to only acknowledge the married years.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 10/11/2014 14:22

Nope, never sent an anniversary card except perhaps 25/30/40 years. So only 24 to go then for her!

CromerSutra · 10/11/2014 14:25

God no. The only wedding anniversary I ever remember is my parents'. DW and I are often slightly forgetful about our own!!

MimiSunshine · 10/11/2014 14:29

My friend seems to get a lot of cards for her anniversary which from what I've gathered come from friends and family. I don't send one as its her anniversary to celebrate and I wouldn't expect one although I suspect that she sends them out (maybe that's why others send them as they feel obligated to).

bakingtins · 10/11/2014 14:34

Not. My parents remember, but that's it. Anniversaries are special for the couple involved, nobody else.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 10/11/2014 14:38

Nope, she needs to have an anniversary party to get anniversary cards. Anniversary parties are acceptable at 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 (you get the idea) years. Seriously, I have trouble enough remembering my own wedding anniversary and often only get DH a card.
Anniversaries are between the couple, not the whole guest list.

Clarabell33 · 10/11/2014 15:00

Some friends remember our anniversary and post on FB or send a text - it's very nice, but I really don't expect even that, let alone a proper card or anything. However if DH were to forget, I'd have his head

That said... at one wedding I went to a few years ago, the couple provided personalised postcards for all guests along with a date important to the couple (first met, got engaged, xth wedding anniversary sort of thing). You were supposed to post the card to them in time to arrive for that anniversary. I think ours was for their 5th wedding anniversary or similar. I have no idea where the postcard is now... or of their exact address (they live overseas). Nice idea, but a bit unrealistic.

firesidechat · 10/11/2014 15:14

I sent my daughter and sil a card for their first anniversary. It was the last one they will get apart from maybe 25th. I think the other set of parents did the same, but I don't suppose anyone else who was at the wedding bothered. Anniversaries are for the couple alone.

mmgirish · 10/11/2014 15:16

That's ridiculous! My husband and I don't even get each other cards for our anniversary...

Inselaffe · 10/11/2014 15:19

YANBU

I congratulate our closest friends - who we see every week - verbally when I remember and did get them 1st anniversary cards, but that's it. I do it for my parents every year, would probably do it for my sister every year if she gets married. I would do it for my DCs (way in the future!). That's it.

Winterbells · 10/11/2014 15:32

If I went to the wedding I always send a card for the 1st anniversary! I had no idea that was not the done thing.

LokiBear · 10/11/2014 15:51

DH'S family do this. When we got married we asked people not to buy us things for our anniversary as we got married close to Christmas so it is an expensive time anyway, and because we can't afford to reciprocate. We often get cards from my parents, pil and SIL which is very kind. Me and DH don't actually do much ourselves to mark the occasion to be honest.

PoirotsMoustache · 10/11/2014 16:38

I would expect cards from my immediate family because that's what we do - anniversaries are a big thing to my family. But wouldn't expect anything from anyone else, not even DH's family.

Eastwickwitch · 10/11/2014 16:42

I like getting a card from DPs because it reminds me. DH & I both forget until the day.
I'd be really surprised to receive a card from any friends, I certainly don't send them.

SophiaPetrillo · 10/11/2014 16:43

I can barely remember my own and it's been 29 years. Sometimes he remembers and I don't and vice versa, sometimes we realise about 2 days later. In the name of Jiminy Cricket, who can remember SOMEONE ELSE'S!!!

redexpat · 10/11/2014 16:45

No i didnt expect it and then was surprised when cards arrived, and a bit embarrassed as id never done it. I wondered if id been making a faux pas. My best woman still sends one but we have discussed it and she says its a big thing in her and dhs families, and that she wants to send us a card and she really isnt offended by not getting one back It was even more embarrassing this year as both dh and i forgot!

Original poster

sparechange · 10/11/2014 17:01

Winterbells, are you my friend?!

I have never heard of it before she brought it up. I write a thank you letter after the wedding, but that is surely where your guest duties end?
Maybe I need to dig out some old diaries and see how many other couples I should be sending cards to...

OP posts:

BackforGood · 10/11/2014 17:02

No, I wouldn't either.
Only anniversary cards I ever send is if someone's having a "do" for a Silver or Ruby or Golden or Diamond wedding that they've invited me to.

Anniversaries are only for the couple, and, tbh, we don't even bother with cards for that.

halfwildlingwoman · 10/11/2014 17:25

No. I remembered my BF's 1st anniversary because I was chief bridesmaid, but that's the only one, unless I'm invited to a big anniversary party.

Idontseeanysontarans · 10/11/2014 17:28

We got our own anniversary date wrong this year but got a couple of lovely and very unexpected cards from family. Nothing was expected and we don't make a huge issue out of our own (obviously!) never mind anyone else's.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 10/11/2014 17:33

What a silly ott idea. Are you from Clinton Cards, op?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 10/11/2014 17:35

There was meant to be a after the card mention.

OOAOML · 10/11/2014 18:32

Family did for our first anniversary but I don't think any friends did. I've always thought anniversaries were for the couple unless they were significant ones like Silver/Ruby/Gold. some in laws are a bit keener on cards than me, and MIL usually sends us one as does one SIL who is apparently upset if she doesn't get one. I leave that to DH (so usually she doesn't get one - but I didn't become his back-up memory when we got married).

Some people are very into cards and some are not. DH and I didn't bother with cards this year, I think we are clearly non-cards people and find the obsession some have with them weird. They probably think our failure to buy over-priced cardboard on designated occasions is weird.

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