'his' and 'my' money?

[cocktailshakerr]

I've read a few threads lately where people talk about their finances as 'his' money and 'my' money...AIBU to think when you're married and have kids it should all be equal? Surely it's just family money?

It really shocks me that people can be in a marriage where one of them is considerably better off than the other one.

Recently my friend came out for a birthday meal and said her DH hadn't come because he couldn't afford it. What?!!
I will add that in their relationship money was all shared equally when she was the lower earner but now that she earns more than him, they now have separate money....ermm I wonder who's idea that was?! lol

DH and I just share money, there's no 'well I paid for such a such' or 'you owe me so much money', it's just all shared and we wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm sure one of the marriage vows is ''all that I have I share with you''?

After everything is paid all money is split 50/50.

DH and I have separate saving accounts. He has a lot more savings than me because I prefer to spend money each month where he likes to save for computers ect.

We share our money but have our own bank accounts because we both have some DDs coming out, DH earns far more than me. I have my credit card for buying presents and any spending I want to do like clothes and shoes, then it just gets paid off. Neither of us is too extravagant and we don't inspect each others CC bills.

DH doesn't earn anything, so "our" money is just my bank account. Everything comes out of my wage. As my wage is low, we don't buy new clothes, shoes, treats etc so him having to "ask" for money isn't an issue.

If we get money for our birthdays, from parents etc, that's our money to buy clothes/ running shoes/ treats.

As someone upthread said, if you don't have much money then it ceases to be so much of an issue, as there isn't much left after bills and mortgage to argue over.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye omg that is shocking! he sounds like a total cock!
Just our food bill alone comes in at around £300pcm!

Yup. I spend about £100 a week in Tesco. Although that does include a hefty amount of pet stuff, toiletries and all cleaning products.

I don't know how she does it. She's looking thinner and more drawn each time I see her. He's quite the opposite. I also know she sits in the cold during the day to save on heating, it goes on when he gets in. She thinks she's really 'lucky' though.

I don't understand it.

I only work part time, but DP pays for the car stuff (petrol, maintenence, insurance, etc) and for any meals/days out so it evens up nicely.

I can't imagine how either of them think what they do is fair.

DH earns considerably more than me but it would never ever occur to him to curtail any of my spending. He has always said and acted as all our money is ours.
That said, I had 2 significant windfalls last year and wanted DH to spend a bit on himself but he kept insisting it was 'my money'
To me that was bullshit ,he deserves treats just as much as anyone else and he has always made sure that there was money for me to go on holiday abroad with my friends several times a year or that.

Our money is just that, ours!

Clearly I lost my trail of thought in my last post!

We have separate money.

I earn more than DH. We both pay different amounts into a separate account that all of our bills come out of. The idea is that we both end up with the same amount of disposable income after all bills are paid. That way if DH decides to spend a stupid amount of money on something (and he does spend stupid money (well up to about £150) on very very stupid stuff). Also, if I want to spend money on clothes then I can do.
I also have an inheritance and savings, DH doesn't, but then I have used them to pay for holidays.

However, we don't have DC, so I'm not sure how we would work it if we did.

It does work for some people but DP and I have joint finances now. All money is family money. We were separate (contributing 50/50) until DS was about 6 months then we decided I was going to be a SAHM so we would join our finances. We both actually prefer it this way. It was upsetting me having to ask for money while I was on maternity pay even though my DP would happily give me any money I asked for without complaint.

As I said we both prefer it now we have joint finances but that's because we are largely financially compatible anyway. Many couples aren't so keeping money separate is a no brainer.

I earn more than DH. We both contribute to the household finances at an agreed level (me more than him because of my greater earnings). Then what's left over is our "own" money to spend as we wish. We did this when we lived together and nothing changed after we married.

I will be totally open about this and say that I'm very unwilling to merge our finances completely. My parents did this when I was growing up and it didn't work out well for them at all - my dad used to drain the account regularly to support a stupidly expensive hobby, leaving mum and us to struggle through the rest of the month. The experience has left me very careful about money and with a need to keep hold of what's mine - I know this is my hang up and doesn't reflect what people generally do!

That said, I often do treat DH to stuff, and I'd never let him miss out on a joint outing if he was short of cash at the end of the month.

I think separate money can work fairly well if people earn roughly the same. But when one earns twice as much as the other how can it work in a partnership without the lower earner having to ask all the time for money. It would be hopeless and cause endless resentment and arguments.

We have both our wages paid Into one joint account and everything comes out of it. We both have free access -easy.

We have his and mine and always will. I have earned more than my oh and have for some time. We opened a joint account when we got married over 10 years ago. I'm the only one that pays into it. It's about being fair and we both have the same disposable income without the need to work it out to the penny. Same goes for free time. We've been together a long time and have never argued about money, regardless of who has earned the most. It is fair for us and we have trust.

If we won the lottery we'd probably buy a house and divide the rest. If his parents give him money, it's his. If I get a bonus with work I'd split it.

We are weird in that case. We have always had separate bank accounts and when the bill comes in it gets split into what I bought and what he bought and we pay separately. But he pays the gas, elec, water etc bills.

I agree with you in that spending money should be roughly equal, and the arrangement should be fair. I don't understand why it is so hard to grasp the idea that different people might want to arrange things differently though.

I have no trouble seeing that sharing everything works well for many couples. DH and I have a joint account for household bills, but keep our own current accounts separate. It works for us, and I don't see what is wrong with that. It is massively important to me to have my own money, probably due to seeing my Mum spend years stuck in an unhappy marriage because she was financially reliant on her husband.