My husbands ex is a new parent at our children's school!

[becks130]

Hi all,
Am I REALLY being in unreasonable? I realised it was her about 4 weeks ago so just avoided her which wasn't too hard as I don't do the school pick up most days. I told my DH about it and he just laughed it off as it was some time ago that they were together, however my DH is in the process of changing jobs so is at home at the moment so we decided to do the school pick up together today. Well as we were standing with our friends my DH decided to out of nowhere go over and talk to the ex for over 10min without any warning at all and leaving me with r friends to answer all their queries on who she is/ where's he gone ect..... I am VERY upset but my DH has put it all on me and says it's MY insecurities so I'm the one with the problem NOT him or the ex. Don't get me wrong I have no problem with him saying hello but it was the way it was done.
Sorry for the rant but am I really the one in. The wrong???
Many thanks x

Yabvu. How would you feel if your ex avoided you like leper? He's been civil with someone who has been an important part of his life a long time ago. Well done to him! If you know the lady you should have gone and said hello ages ago.

yes yabu. They are presumably ex's for a reason, and if you have school age kids it will have been some time ago.

Just because someone is an ex doesn't mean you shouldn't speak to that person ever again, people move on after all.

Are you generally this insecure?

Unless he was in the middle of a conversation and then just walked off, I don't think he was rude at all.

It might have been spontaneous because they caught each others eyes.

I've clearly been over sensitive about the whole issue. She's the only ex he has ever talked about and the only one that was ever introduced to his family. I'm probably over thinking the whole thing :-(

There's no reason to overthink it this much, OP. She's his ex - be grateful he's civil with her, it could be a lot worse speaks from experience

Yabu I chat to my exs when I see them as does my husband. Otherwise it gets really awkward. I think it's your insecurities

You need to let this go. He and you are going to see a lot more of her as the years go on. I would also speak to her if I were you. She's in the past.

Is it because it was in front of other mums that you are upset?

If so YABVU who gives a crap what people in the playground think?

Talking in the playground is fine but if he starts to build a friendship for me that wouldn't be fine.

Yup, I agree with everyone else - YABU and he hasn't done anything wrong.

I would suggest you get some friends who are less rude and intrusive. I don't think your husband did anything wrong.

Grip needed :)

I'd be more worried if he was panicked at the idea that you will chat with her!

Honestly, he's acting like a well adjusted grown up who has nothing to hide and doesn't fear what she might say (so clearly didn't treat her badly).

Put your insecurities to one side, you weren't your DH's only ever serious girlfriend, but you are the one he's settle down and had a family with. Was he your only serious boyfriend?

I wouldn't worry what the other mums thought, most people had exes, few people marry the first person they date.

I would be pissed off too! Not because she was an ex, but because I think that the way he did it was rude.
Did he not just say, "Becks, I am just popping over to say hi." or "I'll be back in a second, I am just going to say hi."

I understand how him just upping and going over as if it was an urgency would get to you. I don't believe it was necessary to go like that, without a word. As I previously said, I think it was quite rude towards you.

I wouldn't feel jealous though. Just baffled.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. A simple 'I'm just going over to say hello' wouldn't have killed him. To just walk off without saying anything I think is just rude.

Is this a reverse?

YABU and I think you know that .
Maybe say hello to her next time,she might feel nervous and you two obviously have something in common.

Gosh, no wonder there are so many problems in the world considering how opinions are divided on this thread.

OP she is an ex for a reason, just like you are his wife and the mother of his children for a reason.

It is hard not to talk about long-lasting exes because they were involved in a lot of events that happened while we were with them. I had one like that. We split up by mutual accord and had lots of time to get back together again had we wanted to before we met other people. Yet my new dp at the time thought he was justified in being jealous.... gggrrr.

What puzzles me is why you'd want to do the school run together?

There's a couple that does it together al the time. If I had a DP who wanted to do it I's happily wave him off!

Coyoacan, people have different opinions, that's okay! I am pretty sure that the difference of opinions on this thread won't stop the world going round.

Don't get me wrong I have no problem with him saying hello but it was the way it was done.

Perhaps he should have used flag semaphore.

Yep. Sorry, OP but you're being very unreasonable. He's right, it's you with the problem and the insecurities. Deal with it and don't try to make everyone else change their perfectly normal behaviours for the sake of your ego.

I would be MORE suspicious if he didn't go over to say hello. If he'd gone out of his way to avoid having to speak to her I'd assume he still carried a bit of a torch. If he'd made a big thing of 'preparing' you for the fact that he was going to go and say hello I'd have also been a bit suspicious. It sounds like he was pretty casual about it, he spotted her and went over - just like anyone would if they saw somebody they recognised/knew.

It sounds like this is a far bigger deal for you than it is for him.

But not really a difference of opinion. Majority are saying YABU. One poster thinks that the husband should be apologetic

Maybe a couple more saying the way that he did it was rude.

Most posters though are in agreement

My view is that YABVU. I think my ExP's wife is lovely and if she stopped him talking to me, I would think she was nuts.

YABU