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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poppy wearing

168 replies

HappyAgainOneDay · 07/11/2014 16:50

I was in town today and waited for a friend who didn't turn up because she'd forgotten for half an hour. Opposite me in a shopping Mall was a poppy table and two servicemen behind it. I began to look at people passing and was amazed at the huge number of people who were not wearing a poppy. Far more were not sporting a poppy than those who were.

I then realised that those without poppies were mostly on the younger side of the population - say, 40 and younger. Do they not realise what we are remembering? Yes, the poppies represent those who died but the general reason for the charity now is that the funds collected go to service people who've lost limbs or are otherwise disabled. The families of those who never came back are also helped. AIBU for thinking that more should wear a poppy with pride?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 09/11/2014 00:05

I haven't noticed any poppy-pestering (someone even linked the DM here, where one would expect to find a natural home for the shakers, but nearly all the comments were about freedom and remembrance).

I do think there has been more complaining about poppy-pestering though. And more straw men attacks than typical. But that's probably just part of natural ebb and flow of volumes of comments.

(And we haven't filled in the MN poppy bingo card yet, have we? I've not seen a bling poppy thread yet, nor 'is it disrespectful for schoolgirls to stick them in their hair?' nor complaints that event organisers choose to include an ecumenical service and representatives of several religions (though as tomorrow is Sunday, perhaps it'll pop up then)).

TheFairyCaravan · 09/11/2014 00:06

I wear a poppy.

I wear it to remember all those who have died in the line of duty. I, also, wear it to show support to DH, DS1 and their colleagues.

It's a choice and everyone is free to choose.

QuicheConverter · 09/11/2014 00:12

I really truly do support the work of the total British legion, and I have a lot of members of my own family to be in awe of and respect the memory of their sacrifice. I donate to the rbl and buy and lose poppies.

However, I am not that keen on wearing them, or of the idea that it is obligatory and that those choosing not to wear one or to donate even are disrespectful, or ignorant or even apathetic.

I am not intelligent or articulate enough to untangle and get across my feelings on all this bit I feel real discomfort day the pomp and circumstance regarding needless mass death and I find the slightly worshipful nature of things help for heroes odd/uncomfortable. I truly believe that force is rarely as necessary as first line if action (sometimes unavoidable) and that the people who suffer greatest losses are civilians, children etc as they truly have no choices.

I think the rbl has been in someways hijacked and therefore the poppy symbol and rememberance services have become blurred with other causes.

In short, don't judge.

Behoove · 09/11/2014 00:18

I wear a poppy to show my support for those who made the ultimate sacrifice and those injured and bereaved who are left behind.
It's not about supporting war or if war is right or wrong.
I make a charitable contribution same as I would to other charities who help people. It's the decent thing to do.

DeadCert · 09/11/2014 07:24

If the money from poppy selling only went to the elderly veterans I'd be more inclined to donate. But it doesn't, and I don't agree with more recent wars so I don't want to donate to the cause thank you.

The dross on this thread really is quite sickening. Enjoy all wearing your poppies for another couple of days and then forgetting all about it for another year before it rolls around next year and you can all stand around shaking your head at the "tragedy" of it all.

HexBramble · 09/11/2014 07:29

Quiche, you sell yourself short.
Very good post.

HexBramble · 09/11/2014 07:32

Dead Cert, there are lots of posters on this thread who support the cause yet respect others rights to do as they wish, without the shameless criticism you are showing. Dross?

I think I'll be skipping over your posts from now on.

DeadCert · 09/11/2014 07:33

Oh no! Really? God I'm gutted.

HexBramble · 09/11/2014 07:34

SGB, I've been thinking a lot about your post about the link between wearing the poppy and supporting the BNP. Is this really an issue? I've not seen anything else about this?

Genuine question.

EveDallasRetd · 09/11/2014 07:39

The 'cause' of more recent wars (I presume you mean Iraq and Afghanistan, rather than The Falklands, Bosnia, Kosovo) was not the service personnel who swore an oath to do their Duty when they joined up.

Blaming service personnel for doing as they were ordered, for dying on duty, receiving life changing injuries, blaming families with Service husbands and wives, blaming children for having soldier daddies and parents for having Service children is rather pathetic.

Sales of the RBL poppies help all those people who were not the 'cause' of the wars, but were hurt by them. Our government does not do enough to help these people, so the RBL steps in.

Your thoughts on 'recent wars' is irrelevant really. By buying a poppy or donating to the RBL you are simply helping fellow human beings to cope, to prosper and to live.

Being sneery about fundraising for the one month a year that the RBL overshadows other charities is churlish. It's one month, one quid. But it could make a big difference to someone that needs it.

toriap2 · 09/11/2014 07:41

I wish I could wear my poppy for a couple of days and then forget until next year but we are one of the families the RBL supports who has to live with the consequences of those conflicts. When DH joined the army at 18, it was a chance to get out of a dead end job, see the world and learn a trade according to the recruitment office. He served in Bosnia, Iraq, Afghanistan and other places. He refuses to talk about anything he has seen there but still has bad dreams and can't go to fireworks or deal with any other loud bangs. Today, even though he has a broken arm and his IBS is playing up, he will be at the service remembering his friends and all those who died in conflict, military or civilian.

DeadCert · 09/11/2014 07:42

Exactly the same could be said for any other charity, but not all charities get the exposure of the poppy appeal. Personally I donate a lot of my money to other charities.

I don't expect to be told why I should wear a poppy as much as I expect you don't want me to tell you to wear a bowel cancer wristband as I do. It's choice.

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/11/2014 07:43

DeadCert, a lot of people who fought in WW1 and WW2 didn't choose to go, they were conscripted. Angry

DuchessofBuffonia · 09/11/2014 07:43

YABU OP.

I will be wearing a poppy today for the Remembrance parade and service (marching with my girl guides). I will also be wearing it on the 11th. I do not wear it on other days, so you would not have seen me sporting one before today on a random October/November day that has no particular significance.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 09/11/2014 07:43

Auntie Stella - have a look at this , plenty of poppy foaming on social media , as there was when he played for my team. He shouldn't even need to make a statement
www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/football-league/james-mcclean-wigan-midfielder-explains-his-refusal-to-wear-a-remembrance-poppy-on-his-shirt-9848447.html

blacktreaclecat · 09/11/2014 07:44

I bought a (fab glittery!) Poppy yesterday and by the time I had unloaded my shopping it had fallen off. I think if you want to judge people for not wearing poppies you first need to improve the design!

Hurr1cane · 09/11/2014 07:45

I don't wear a poppy. I do not support any modern war. We are the ones invading. I have very close friends who are soldiers and veterans, that is their choice and I respect their choice and sit and listen to them when they tell me all the terrible things they had to do. Some things so horrible that they are mentally damaged.

But they respect my beliefs as well, because they're not dicks.

DSs PA asked for a routine change today so she could attend a service, that's fine.

What she would not do is ever ask that DS wears a poppy or attends with her, because she's also not a dick and respects that people have different beliefs.

I won't be donating to children in need either, I will watch the programme and donate directly to one of the charities.

Surely it's up to people what charities they support, and if they don't want to support people who have fought for something they are against by donating and receiving a paper flower , then that's their choice.

DeadCert · 09/11/2014 07:46

I realise that Bath, that's why I said I'd be happy to wear one if it was purely in remembrance/support of WW1 and WW2. Hmm

DeadCert · 09/11/2014 07:47

Agree with Hurr1cane.

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/11/2014 07:50

By the way, I wear a poppy, on my coat so anyone selling them doesn't stop me umpteen times. DD has a poppy which she doesn't wear, DS has a wristband which he doesn't wear. Confused

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/11/2014 07:56

SGB oh shit, mine's going in the bin then. Hmm

HexBramble · 09/11/2014 07:57

James Maclean's letter is poignantly written.

sandgrown · 09/11/2014 08:01

I sell poppies every year but I never stop anyone .I just ask if they would like to buy one if they look my way. No pressure!

gemdrop84 · 09/11/2014 08:05

Well I'm 30 and aren't wearing a poppy at the moment, but that's because when I donated my money, I gave dd the poppy to wear. My grandad served in Dunkirk, I will always remember those that gave their lives.

notquiteruralbliss · 09/11/2014 08:07

I am definitely the wrong side of 40 and I don't wear a poppy. Nor do I give cash to charity collectors. If I donate to charity, I prefer to do so in a way that means they get the tax benefit.