Mil not respecting my rules

[Doubtfuldaphne]

I'll probably get flamed for this but my three year old still has a bottle of milk at night and in the morning. I have no problem with it.
Dd recently went to stay with mil and dd told me that she didn't get a drink because mil said dd is too old for bottles now.
There was no alternative given!
She also had no lunch. When she got back at 5pm she was starving and thirsty.
Dh is so protective over mil he wouldn't want to upset her and we've had counselling over this issue. He hasn't changed though.
I'm going I have to speak to mil next time dd goes to stay aren't i?
She only stays one night every half term so it's not too often

I don't think your BU at all?

Its a bottle, not a shot of heroin? Its something to give her liquid that she is used too. Why does anyone need to wield the iron fist over a toddlers bottle?
Some children cant use cups that young, no matter how much training and exposure they get like my dd who is a magnet to knock cups over much easier to give in beakers, bottles etc

Not really the MILS place anyway to start dictating what the child does or doesnt do.

I think you should call your mil in a very friendly chatty way and say you wanted to make sure your daughter got fed and watered, say its so silly you know what small children are like but she is saying she had nothing can YOU TELL me what she had SO I CAN TELL HER, and help her understand she was fed.

Mehitabel

exactly.

blueberry why is it extreme exactly?? it soundd like her dh is too spineless to protect his daughter from this abuse

It's extreme because we (and maybe the OP) don't know if it's actually true. If the child did, in fact, eat some lunch and drank milk from a cup then your advice is extreme. Or if she was offered a variety of food/down and turned it down.

It's also not clear why the Op's dh didn't feed their daughter on the way home, or what time the journey back started. If they left the aunt's house at 2pm, for instance, then really the fault is his.

Obviously if the MiL has had sole care for most of the day and left the little girl unfed and watered then that's shocking.

I'm not sure how refusing to give her a bottle is flouting your rules.

It's not a rule that she must have a bottle, just a habit. If it were a rule that she must not have a bottle any longer, and she gave her one, then you might have a point.

If your DD was not offered (or was refused) any kind of food or drink for an unreasonable amount of time, that is the issue to take up with her.

wheresthelight it is extreme because you are making accusations of abuse from the word of a 3 year old saying they weren't fed.

No one is disputing the fact it's ridiculous if she wasn't offered any food or drink the whole day, what we are disputing is whether or not it is fact or a tale spun by a 3 year old who is pissed off that Granny wouldn't pander to her and let her have a bottle or cook her something else when she refused to eat what was offered.

OP you need to clarify it with your mil.

I don't believe she had no lunch sorry. I also don't believe she didn't have a drink. Interestingly whenever dd1 gets back from the gps she always claims she's hungry (even though shes eaten them out of house and home) She did the same from a playdate yesterday, after the mum had told me how much she'd eaten only half an hour before .

In terms of drinking why does she have 2 bottles a day? Why not give her a cup?

If it was me I would just say 'granny doesn't do bottles - she only does cups' so I dare say a 3 year could interpret that as no drink, even though the cup was put in front of them. Same with food, I go with 'you have a choice - take it or leave it'. Again they could complain they were not fed and missed out the main point that they refused the food!
I would check the details with MIL.

Did your 3 year old not ask for a drink/food if she was thirsty/hungry? Maybe I've had particularly sensitive children but if they wanted something to eat or drink and nothing was forthcoming they would have kicked up a huge fuss. I find it really hard to believe that she was hungry/thirsty enough not to ask for anything or equally that she did ask and wasn't given anything!