To be very peed off with DH about this?

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I have had PND twice. During both my episodes of PND, my DH was very unsupportive and basically didn't give a fuck. Leaving me was mentioned more than once. He refused to engage in any conversations about my PND, and was mean and horrible to me at times when I found normal household tasks difficult.

Now his sister has PND too. FIL phoned yesterday to tell DH. DH is super-supportive about it all, and keeps saying about how worried he is about his sister and how horrible it must be for her, and that we must help. FIL is arranging a bit of a rota to help SIL with childcare, and DH is fully expecting me to rally round and to do my bit too!

AIBU to be pissed off with DH that he didn't give a shit about my PND yet I am expected to be all sympathetic to his sister? I have tried to discuss it with him today and he says that he thinks he was very understanding and supportive to me!

You work from home so it's going to have to be DH who takes time off to look after SIL's children, isn't it? His attitude would really upset me - sounds like he thinks you're a member of staff ready to do his bidding. I imagine he saw your PND as an inconvenience. Good luck OP.

I agree with the person who pointed out that having four children could cause a relapse as you never had the support you needed to resolve your own illness. Also the fact that you are working means you are not available for childcare. You might be happy to precook her some meals and take them round though.

Do they know you work? Or is that an inconvenience, too?

I would refuse to take part in any such rota. BUT do make sure your OH and PIL understand this because, if you work from home, I can quite easily imagine them turning up in the daytime with SIL's children and leaving them

"he's not prepared to discuss things that happened in the past and that as far as he's concerned that's the end of it"...Good God, what an absolute horror of a man

A word of caution when you quite rightly decline to be rota'd on permanent babysitting duties and even my usually reasonable DP does this, beware him saying 'Fine, I will do it myself' as they will be dropped off at your place and I am quite certain you will end up doing it by default. You will find though that everyone assumes your DH is doing it so you will be both the bad guy and the childminding mug.

My advice would be simply to say that you don't feel equipped to help out, though as you suffered yourself you have every sympathy. And point out that as a home worker you cannot accommodate them being cared for in your home as it will impact your work life.

In your head of course scream FUCK YOU to them all

As one who had to cope with PND with no family support because we lived so far away, I sympathise totally. You should not be imposed on for two days a week. IME some families have a kind of hierarchy where the immediate family are more loved and valued than the family by marriage. The SIL is obviously the centre of attention - I have experienced having the bad things I have been through totally dismissed and a lot of fuss being made of a blood family member. It is a lonely feeling and you can feel very undervalued. But people will never acknowledge what they are doing, so you tend to have to put up and shut up.

I would resist, on the grounds of health, being a doormat and just do a tiny bit, like ringing her occasionally or whatever small thing you can cope with, if you intend to stay in the family. I think the trick is to look sweet and obliging for the sake of family peace and do as little as possible. Certainly not looking after children two days a week. That is really taking the piss! But don't expect any of them to understand. Sadly, they will probably be oblivious to your needs. My dh understands - don't think I could have coped if he didn't. The best of luck

Say that you'll do weekends as it's physically impossible to drop off at two school on time. Then disappear to a hotel so your husband can give all the help that he desperate to give.

And where is your BIL in all this?
You know - the one who should be responsible for your SIL's support?

Have you done anything, OP? The longer you leave it, the more likely your FIL is to assume you're fine with his plan.

Tanith Excellent point, but I'm assuming perhaps there isn't one?

Poor you OP, though. Really between a rock and a hard place. DH & family will probably point out minuscule things they did as '"But we DID support you! Remember when we bought nappies/brought takeaway/came to dinner and held the baby so you could eat!!". Or they'll downplay it as the 'baby blues' rather than PND. Considering how your husband 'pooh-poohed' it, does the rest of the family even know you had PND? Or did he downplay and tell them you were exaggerating?

I think you are really going to have to expect a lot of fallout if you're going to make a stand on this. I think you should, but should also be aware of a possible shit storm.

Personally, I think I'd also take stock of my life (and marriage). It sounds as if DH and family marginalize you a bit. And as if DH isn't really concerned about your feelings and your wishes. Rather as if he thinks of you as someone there to make his life comfortable, but for whom he feels he shouldn't do the same. Is that really the way you want to live for the next 50 years (or longer)?

Your problem is your selfish bastard of a husband. I would be bloody fuming tbh

It all boils down to your dh wanting maximum glory for minimal effort.

Taking care of a wife with PND would be fairly standard in many homes so that would mean him having to make a lot of effort but with very little outside praise.

Agreeing to support a sister with PND means lots of praise from the family but with very little actual effort involved because all the work is to be delegated to his wife.

You need to sort out your relationship with dh, or end it. bargaining and comparing the support you didn't get with another woman helps no one, least of all you.

Why are you in a relationship with someone who thinks so little of you? Life can be bloody hard and you never know what is round the corner, the one thing a partner must be is supportive.

I hope we haven't frightened away the OP: sometimes when posters complain about their DH's behaviour they are not actually expecting everyone to pile in so wholeheartedly in agreement! OP, hope you are okay.