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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Literally sick of this

78 replies

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones · 02/11/2014 10:50

So, I'm pregnant and sick, a lot. So bad I'm on medication and signed off work with it (but I haven't been hospitalised yet). It's more nausea than actual vomiting, but smells will spectacularly set me off on a vomitfest.

It's half term, so we've (DH and DS) been staying with my in-laws, and I've been doing as much as I can to join in with stuff, even if it's just been dragging myself from sofa to chair to bench.

We went to a pub the other evening. Before the group of us relocated to outside, I asked DH to make sure the bench wouldn't be next to a table of smokers. He made sure. Then my MIL and FIL proceeded to light up, at the table, when we were all out there.

The first I knew of it was when I got a gobfull of smoke. If I spoke, I would have vomited, so rather than ask the smokers to step away while they were having their fans, my DH sent ME off to sit at another table. That was my entire evening, alone, at this other table while the rest of the group laughed it up and smoked.

Now, according to my DH, I'm over sensitive and isolated myself. What I should apparently have done was sit at the family table and moved every time someone lit up. This is in preference to him saying to them: guys, I don't think you can have realised, but DW can't cope with the smoke - please can you make sure that she doesn't have to breathe it, and then we can all sit together rather than her having to sit alone over there.

At the end of the evening, I then had to drive the fuckers home.

Sorry for the long rant, but AIBU to be mighty pissed off?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 02/11/2014 21:37

That's good Smile, make sure you do

TattyDevine · 02/11/2014 21:53

Kate, is that you?

ColdTeaAgain · 02/11/2014 22:30

YANBU

What a pair of cockends your in-laws are! Hoping they don't smoke around the DC?

Glad to hear your DH is normally supportive, but he did really let you down on this occasion :(

lljkk · 02/11/2014 22:35

That's deplorable (@ OP). totally yanbu.

though When I was pg, ciggy smoke was one thing that settled my persistent sickness, I even kind of missed the smoke after the ban came in. Smokers get less morning sickness I'm pretty sure.

Jolleigh · 02/11/2014 22:48

Agree with PP who said that men show their true colours when you're pregnant. Smoking was one of the things that my ex and I clashed over when I was pregnant. He didn't see why I chose to quit and there were explosive rows over him refusing to smoke outside.

skylark2 · 02/11/2014 22:54

It's possible they were just thoughtless - but why didn't you call your DH over to the smoke free table and tell him you needed people not to smoke at the table with you?

I can understand your DH getting you to move there and then. You were about to throw up, it was much quicker than an explanation - but for it to last the whole evening?

Yes, you are over sensitive right now, but it's a medical condition which makes you vomit, not a choice you are making!

SurfsUp1 · 02/11/2014 23:25

Maybe I missed it, but what did your PILs think you were doing sitting at another table? Surely they would ask your Dh "what's up with INMFH?"
In which case, they would have known full-well why you were sitting away from them and they chose to smoke anyway?

I would have nothing to do with people like that, and I wouldn't have my children around them either! Then again, I'd be ditching any bloke who treated me like that anyway, so the problem would be solved!

Tanith · 03/11/2014 09:56

Lljkk, I'm not so sure about that Smile

My mum was a smoker and had morning sickness right though her pregnancy with me.
She still can't listen to 'Matthew and Son' by Cat Stevens without feeling ill because it was on the radio so much at the time.

Agree with previous posters, Op. You need to have a serious talk with your DH. Will he continue to put your inlaws first? Even to the extent of your child coming second best?

Doubtfuldaphne · 03/11/2014 09:59

Let's hope they're more reasonable when the baby arrives. They were insensitive and rude.

londonrach · 03/11/2014 10:04

Yanbu. Id have made them walk home. Shocked at the whole lot particularly your dh.

lljkk · 03/11/2014 11:27

"[[http://www.myvmc.com/symptoms/pregnancy-nausea-and-vomiting/ The risk of developing pregnancy induced nausea and vomiting is reduced in:
...
Smokers]]" Obviously not a good reason to start, although If I had been a smoker with my levels of sickness I would have bitten off head of anyone who gave me grief for finding relief wherever I could.

Original poster
ItsNotMyFuckingHormones · 03/11/2014 12:18

Thanks everyone!

Yes, I should have stood up for myself more - if anything like that happens again, then I bloody well will. The only reason I didn't is because he said that I was being unreasonable for sitting apart, that I had intentionally isolated myself and despite a whiff of smoke making me liable to barf, I should have kept yo-yoing back to the smokers at the family table. Tbh, I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind for giving anyone a dressing down, which is why I was foolishly relying on him - you know, the co-creator of the pregnancy that's making me feel like this.

He has form for dropping all reason when it comes to his family, but it will come right in the end. I will refuse to visit them again until he admits he was a nob and promises to sort it out in future.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 03/11/2014 13:33

Gosh he is a nob op, very selfish and should gave put you and baby above his parents. This cannot go on, he has to put you and baby above his parents.

SurfsUp1 · 04/11/2014 03:01

I think you should show him this thread.

HelloItsMeFell · 04/11/2014 05:44

YANBU.

Smokers seem to have this weird idea that just by being outside they are not actually bothering anyone. And especially now that it has become illegal or unacceptable to smoke inside most places, sitting in the the garden or at the outside tables of any pub or restaurant have been completely ruined for non-smokers as it's become the en-masse smoking area by default.

Pregnant or not, it's always unpleasant having to sit near them or be in the line of fire where their smoke drifts, even from some distance away. for you it would be unbearable.

HelloItsMeFell · 04/11/2014 05:47

It's as if they think the fact they've sat outside is enough, and they no longer have any responsibility to make sure they are not bothering you, even if you are only two feet away. Like being outside automatically solves the problem of being in close proximity to them. Hmm

Hatespiders · 04/11/2014 18:56

Wouldn't it be great if all smoking in public places (inside and outside) were banned? Smoking only at home in private.

gamerchick · 04/11/2014 19:45

Impossible to police and unreasonable considering how much the government charge for them. Yanno the money they depend on. Hmm

bunchoffives · 04/11/2014 20:02

Wouldn't it be great if all smoking in public places (inside and outside) were banned? Smoking only at home in private.

No it wouldn't.

FFS get over your fucking self. You can't tell me that smoke in the open air bothers you. Fuck, they'll be far more smoke to anally obsess worry about tomorrow night.

OP YANBU but other Nazi intolerant posters definitely are

Itsfab · 04/11/2014 20:20

In your smoking stance and your username comment.

Smoking in fresh air bothers me too when I am walking behind smokers, or sat down they walk past, etc etc. It is horrible to smell, makes me feel ill, sometimes causes me breathing problems.

My desire to breathe clean air however never makes anyone else feel ill.

SurfsUp1 · 04/11/2014 21:24

I would support a ban on smoking in all public places too. It's like walking into a big waft of someone's fart. Bleugh!!

I would also seriously doubt that the money collected by the taxation of tobacco even covers the additional cost of supporting the medical issues caused by smoking and the environmental damage caused by cigarette butts.

Smoking is banned on all the beaches near me and it is so much nicer that way!

HelloItsMeFell · 05/11/2014 06:58

bunch what nonsense. bonfire and firework smoke goes right up in the air hundreds of metres, once a year, your cigarette smoke on the other hand goes right up my nose and in my hair and mouth and eyes every time I have to walk past someone in the street who is has just exhaled a lungful of it, or if I share a bus shelter with them or try to sit outside a nice pub or restaurant and enjoy the good weather and the fresh air. Hardly the same thing at all. We don't just moan because of the potential health risks from carcogens you know, we moan because of the anti-social unpleasantness of it.

HelloItsMeFell · 05/11/2014 07:03

You can't tell me that smoke in the open air bothers you.

er…...yes we can actually, and we are. Who are you to tell us what we are and are not allowed to find unpleasant and offensive?

ChasedByBees · 05/11/2014 07:40

You can't tell me that smoke in the open air bothers you.

Well from my perspective it stinks, even in the open air. Maybe smokers don't realise.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/11/2014 07:55

You can't tell me that smoke in the open air bothers you.

Yes - your smoke stinks. Really really stinks. You have no idea do you?

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