Literally sick of this

[ItsNotMyFuckingHormones]

So, I'm pregnant and sick, a lot. So bad I'm on medication and signed off work with it (but I haven't been hospitalised yet). It's more nausea than actual vomiting, but smells will spectacularly set me off on a vomitfest.

It's half term, so we've (DH and DS) been staying with my in-laws, and I've been doing as much as I can to join in with stuff, even if it's just been dragging myself from sofa to chair to bench.

We went to a pub the other evening. Before the group of us relocated to outside, I asked DH to make sure the bench wouldn't be next to a table of smokers. He made sure. Then my MIL and FIL proceeded to light up, at the table, when we were all out there.

The first I knew of it was when I got a gobfull of smoke. If I spoke, I would have vomited, so rather than ask the smokers to step away while they were having their fans, my DH sent ME off to sit at another table. That was my entire evening, alone, at this other table while the rest of the group laughed it up and smoked.

Now, according to my DH, I'm over sensitive and isolated myself. What I should apparently have done was sit at the family table and moved every time someone lit up. This is in preference to him saying to them: guys, I don't think you can have realised, but DW can't cope with the smoke - please can you make sure that she doesn't have to breathe it, and then we can all sit together rather than her having to sit alone over there.

At the end of the evening, I then had to drive the fuckers home.

Sorry for the long rant, but AIBU to be mighty pissed off?

Yanbu, you have my total sympathy. I had HG last year and one day when I was going to the doctors someone walking down the street blew smoke in my face as I walked past. I decorated my shoes.
My first thought was why doesn't your dh care about his pregnant wife being subjected to second hand smoke. And why did you stay?? You should have gone to bed/bath with some food that you can tolerate.

I still have vivid flashbacks when I smell the fridge/dishwasher/bin. I hope it eases for you.

Why couldn't you all sit inside the pub?

Your DH is definitely an arse

But you really do need to learn to speak up for yourself, especially as he doesn't want to do it.

You say he sent you off to sit at another table and you stayed there the whole time.

Why?? When they finished their fags and you were able to speak, you should have told them how sick you felt, and asked them to pop over to that table whenever they wanted to light up.

My last 2 pregnancies I suffered from this. They really should have asked then moved away.

Why on earth did you put up with this ?

You honestly sat on your own , all night, rather than ask them not to smoke ? If you were sick on them they'd have got the point pretty quickly.

I'd have told them myself that I would have been unable to sit with them smoking so if they were not willing to move away to smoke I'd have driven home.

I'm surprised you were able to cope with driving them home to be honest - the stale smoke stink coupled with car travel wad guaranteed to make me vomit while pregnant.

Why did you stay? Surely being at home is better than being on a separate table?

I'd have taken myself off to recover and breath some fresh air, and then gone back and said "this PG is making smoke intolerable to me, I'm going to have to go home. See you later DP".

If anything like it ever happens again, then I will stand up for myself since I obviously can't rely on DH to look out for me while I'm feeling ill and vulnerable. I stayed because I didn't want to give him anything else to berate me for - remember I was apparently already over sensitive and isolating myself.

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones If you can't rely on him now, when can you rely on him?

Why dident your DH sit with you? That was totally wrong, he knows your not well, what a dick. I woukd have issue with this tbh or told them to smoke elsewhere as your nit well. I woukd talk to him and tell him how you feel!

What sort of people go out in a group, and are quite happy for one of their number (not to mention the dil who is carrying their grandchild ffs) to sit at a table some distance away on their own???
And what sort of husband would do that, to his wife either?

Am utterly

At risk of apologising for him (and I'm not, I think he was bang our of order), he is great in other respects. He just has this nasty tendency to be blind to his side of our family being arse holes.

He's been doing all the housework etc while I've been incapacitated - I can rely on him like that, for practical things, just not to back me up where my in-laws are concerned.

OP you didn't stick up for yourself because you're pregnant, Ill and vulnerable don't berate yourself for it.

I had HG, my DS is now 8 weeks and whilst I am better just reading this thread has made me feel sick and emotional.

The toll HG takes on you is huge, physically and emotionally.

Your DH is a twat and it doesn't sound like he's sorry now either

I personally am shocked at op DH behaviour, it's awful. He should not want people lighting up near is pregnant wife, tell them to smoke elsewhere. He should have sat with his wife, not leave her out, what an arse.

He needs to op, or that will cause a big rift in your relationship. He treated you appealingly at that meal, putting his parents above his pregnant wife, that is a big deal.

Oh and yes, I'm pissed off at the smokers too - and to add insult to injury, I don't even recall so much as a thank you for driving them home.

I think that if DH wants us to travel to see them again before baby arrives, he needs to reassure me that I won't be left out in the cold again, figuratively (or literally) speaking.

LottieDoubtie congratulations on your little one! I'm sorry this thread triggered that for you. I know this won't last forever, but bloody hell if feels like it!

If it happens again, go into the car and drive off, selfish idiots!

AeroflotGirl I would utilise my hormones to have an epic meltdown, then drive off! I was second guessing myself after what DH said at the time, but I won't do that again.

This is incredible. I would have gone home. In effect, they chose the company of their cigarettes over you. Inexcusable. And your DH should have left too.

Think it might be time for a very serious discussion about where his loyalties really lie. Because it's about to be crunch time - you are going to need him to put you and your baby - his NEW nuclear family - unequivocally first from now on. That especially includes what happens when and just after the baby arrives. Because be quite assured, if he lets his family and their wishes take precedence, then he is going to cause a lot of damage that is very difficult to fix.

You would be totally justified in having a screaming snotting vomiting crying rant. :)

Bastards

I would have thrown up on them and then drove off in the car. Inconsiderate arses, the lot of them.

You don't smoke around pregnant people or children. Ever.

And I'm a smoker

YANBU people really are clueless about HG they don't understand just how dreadful it can be so are utterly insenstive.
Your husband doesn't sounds particularly loving or caring not just toward his wife but his baby too, imagine excluding you. My in-laws would have been mortified if my DH behaved in such a manner.

That's ok OP
It will end, you won't always feel like this