To ask if anyone else is spending Christmas alone?

[warmgingerbread]

I sometimes feel like I'm the only one in the world who spends it alone ... Anyone else?

I miss having Xmas alone, some of my most horrible family moments were at Xmas.

I like to volunteer for shelter, but xmas is really popular so usually end up working 27-28th. So much nicer than sitting at home gorging.

It happened to me once at a difficult time and I spent several days as a volunteer with Crisis at Christmas - nothing like that for putting your own first-world woes into perspective.

Some years ago a young woman in my office was due to fly on Christmas Eve but was so full of cold that she doubted whether she could make it to the airport and was even concerned she would not be allowed to fly. She lived alone near ours and I told her that if she could not go she should ring me and I would bring her over to ours for the rest of CE and again on CD; we could not leave her alone in a bedsit. In the event she made the trip.

eatyourveg I was thinking of suggesting it to her actually as it's something I would do if I had to spend Christmas alone and was bothered about it.

I will be.
I'm not working. DH will bevworking. We will have been living in our new town 900km from friends and family for two weeks so won't know anyone.

I have to admit that I don't really like the volunteering at Christmas: it's a bit patronising to both sides - that those who have to spend Christmas alone should volunteer and those who give their services the rest of the year should be grateful. Volunteer, don't volunteer, but Christmas is quite literally just another day.

Well of course no one has to volunteer. If I thought I would be happy enough spending all Christmas day by myself then I would. If I felt like I needed company then I would like to think I'd volunteer to help somewhere.

And to be honest I'd love to volunteer to do lots of things but having to work gets in the way.

What I'm trying to say is getting out there and doing something if you feel you need to has to better than staying in and waiting for it to all be over.

And I think if you're happy with being alone on Xmas day then that's fine. I did smile at what fatlazymummy said she ideally like to do.

I Christmas alone. This year I'm running away to a cabin in the woods.

Mrs the problem is people take 'Christmas' very literally to mean one day but the holiday itself can be hard. Anyone can get through a day and a day won't change things for anybody. In a more general sense though the holiday season can be hard for people and I do find it a bit irritating when people well meaningly but naively suggest that volunteering for one day will make everything OK. It won't - for you or the organisation you're volunteering for (plus they are inundated at Christmas.)

dear me, you're sounding a bit bah humbug there OP!

I volunteer over christmas in the homeless shelter. I absolutely love it and look forward to it. It is not 'patronising' either way; the guests love it and look forward to it, too. I personally feel very comfortable spending time with people who also have shit families. If you feel you're being 'patronising' to do it then please don't do it.

I feel it's patronising to suggest it springy as if it will be ok for the person spending Christmas alone as some people have it worse. By your own admission there you find it comforting to see people living shitty lives: for some of us it would cause further distress, though.

What I'm trying to say is that volunteering your time will not wave a magic wand through the hurt - your own or that of others.

ime they are not 'inundated'. Hoards of volunteers don't turn up (thank goodness, if they're going to be doing it with the wrong attitude). Most volunteers do shifts over a few days, not just CD - in my city the shelter is open for a week 24/7. At the end of it most of the guests say 'thank you for a brilliant time' and we're all sorry to wave each other off.

Christmas day though is made harder because it's one of the very few days where everything is closed. You can't go look round the shops, well I suppose you can but what would be the point?

With regards to my workmate it's getting to the point where I dare not mention Christmas and how much I love it because I get 'well I'm by myself and I'm dreading it' now I don't know why she's going to be by herself but I aren't going to feel bad about the fact I love it. Might not always be the case but for now it is.

Perhaps admitting we have it bad too is the common denominator. The guests are not as 'other' as you seem to think.

I wouldn't worry about it Mrs - it's just you can feel quite a lot of pressure to 'do' something and eat with others and if you can't the pressure is there to selflessly give your time either to charity or for others to selflessly give a place to you.

I once had someone I didn't even KNOW invite me for Christmas dinner! Why would I want to sit with strangers!?

I don't think they are other which is why I think it's a bit patronising to think one day of volunteering will really do anything meaningful.

bah humbug

Warming you sound a bit ungrateful, it was kind of someone to invite someone they didn't know ie you for Christmas dinner.

I get you ginger I wouldn't want to sit with strangers either.

I sometimes wonder how many folk who have a houseful of guests wanted or otherwise would much rather be spending it by themselves.

But why would you want to sit with a family you don't know? Genuine question: it might have had kind intentions but to be honest I think it's more people patting themselves on the back a wee bit

I beg to differ, it does do something meaningful. Both ways. if you come at it with a 'good' attitude

ime the do-gooders get a huge wake-up call: the reality is very different to the fantasy. Mind, there aren't that many do-gooders. The majority pitch in and get on with it.

We're not all sitting around a big table with paper hats on, all forced jollity, btw. Meals come at regular intervals - that would be 3 times a day - and we queue up canteen-style and sit at individual tables with whomever we choose. Or on our own. I don't do the night shift because I think that needs people with specific skills and experience, which I don't have.

I'll shut up now - or try to. I'm affronted you are splattering a lot of negativity over something that is so great, you scrooge you

I will be, I lost my husband in May and our ds and his fiancée are hosting Christmas at their house for the first time. All the family will be there, including dm and dmil however my bil has just got engaged and he is going to present the ring at the Christmas meal.
I'm going to say I'm ill and not go, while I'm happy for bil i feel he is being a bit insensitive by choosing to do it then. I'm aware I'm being unreasonable and perhaps a bit jealous but I just can't face it, my ds knows and understands, he wanted to cancel the meal but everyone is looking forward to it so I persuaded him to carry on with it.
Reading this back I'm aware I sound like a spoiled child but it felt good to actually put into words how I feel.

I went to a meeting at Kids Company a few weeks ago & they said that the children & families they support are incredibly grateful for the support their Christmas events provide. Apparently children under pressure self-harm far more in the lead up to Christmas & suicide attempts also increase as the emphasis on happy family lives just reminds them of how different their own lives are. From what they say I would have no problem at all with volunteering somewhere at Christmas.

Lots of people do contrary to all the ads.

I have spent many alone in past. I have treated myself to something expensive to eat I normally wouldn't and even though I dreaded it before hand I actually enjoyed it. Its a state of mind it can be done. Treat yourself

Oh Mirren, I'm so sorry to hear that you don't sound unreasonable or jealous at all. Do what feels best for you xxxxx

he is going to present the ring at the Christmas meal.* *

Not childish at all, its very insensitive and I am sure others there would be very embarrassed and feel awkward for you too. there is no need for hte deed to be done right then. If i was the recipient I would also feel bad and it would cloud the moment for me. I am surprised no one has said, present at another time, what about new years!!!