To be sat here holding back tears over a childs birthday party

[askyfullofstars]

DS is 3 almost 4.
He goes to nursery 5 days a week and while he is there, he is so sociable, he plays with everyone and everyone knows him.
However, any time he goes to a party he becomes shy and clingy and wont join in. At all.
Have tried everything. A few of the parties were at soft play and I just put his lack of joining in down to tge fact he doesnt like soft play, he has always been a bit scared of the noise and chaos.
Today he went to a party in a hall, thought this may be different as his best friend from nursery was there, but again, no joining in. Just wanted to play with balloons with daddy, would cry and freeze if you even started to try and join in.
I just dont understand, he is normally so sociable. I feel so sad for him playing by himself at parties

My DS detested parties, and absolutely hated dressing up. He was quite happy to wear normal clothes to a fancy dress day at nursery. And let me tell you a secret..........no-one remembers and he wasn't scarred for life

Thanks Yarp

My 5 year old can be like that! He's very sociable, can and does talk to anyone - adults, other kids and it seems that a lot of people at school know him... Proper cheeky chatterbox, fun boy. But quite often when we go to parties he doesnt even want to go in complaining of noise and hiding behind me! I'm not sure what that's all about... He does not join in games etc easily, it has to be something that he likes otherwise he prefers to sit with me and chat to other mums! But he's full of life when he decides to join in... Not long ago they had to show their talent to others at school (basically do just about anything, a cartwheel if they wished!) and he said he did not do anthing because he felt shy...

I think while he's very sociable he is rather sensitive (shy? I was shy as a child as well...), perhaps your son is like that too? My way of dealing with it is to not make a big deal out of it. If he doesnt want to join in, he doesnt have to. Surely forcing him will make him even more anxious and unwilling to participate.

Also, i think kids do have their own preferences, some like games and noise and mayhem that's part of the party, others don't. And that's fine, we are all different...

windchime, my DS also hated fancy dress!! Yesterday we went trick or treating with friends but no way he was getting into a fancy costume! And he said: 'i want to be dressed as myself, myname'. :) :)

My DS was exactly the same until he hit about 5/6.. then suddenly life and soul and no stopping him. He didn't like the noise, or the attention I think. So we didn't go, I made excuses and sent cards/presents to kind of keep him in the loop until he was doing better at family parties (that we couldn't get out of) and then he started to join in school friends parties. Hes only little OP, try not to worry too much :)

Don't worry. Three seems really old to you right now, because it's the oldest your child has ever been. But really, it's tiny. Character and personality aren't fixed forever right now! They really aren't!

I'm nearly 42 and still like that at some post ties, and def I overly loud soft play places!

He'll be fine I'm sure, in his own time

He sounds like my daughter, except she was just as shy at her nursery, to the point where I was spoken to a number of times "we're not sure what else to do.....she refuses to play with anyone.....she won't speak..."etc.

She's 7 now and at school, and while she's not the life of the party, she's settled in fine and is much more sociable.

Actually I was at a party where all the parents (apart from birthday child's parents who were busy with the games/food etc) were asked to leave because there was no space at the venue. I and one other parent asked to stay because our DC wouldn't stay on their own. But the kids were only 4, some still 3 and quite a lot of them were quite unnerved and some got upset - me and the other parent ended up comforting quite a few of them.