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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want mothers/fathers/siblings to stay with their children at Dd's party

75 replies

PumpkinPaye · 01/11/2014 12:18

Does anyone else get annoyed by this?

I'm having Dd's (7) party at home soon and one mother has already invited herself and her toddler to the party that her daughter is invited to, which I'm pissed off about. I didn't even get a chance to say no. We have hardly any space, and she can be quite "into" everything and tbh I just really don't like the woman.

I've organised loads of activities for the children and I really won't have time to be entertaining her too, and I know if I ignore her, she'll make a sarky/jokey comment like "you've forgotten me"...she makes "jokes" Hmm like this all the time. Also, I've noticed she has a new bf and he seems to tag along to all the birthday parties so I have a feeling she'll be bringing him too. I don't want a virtual stranger at my Dd's party in our home!

Is there any subtle way I could hint that I really don't expect parents and siblings to stay? Or will that be rude and should I just stay quiet and be accommodating and quietly seethe.

OP posts:
Haggismcbaggis · 01/11/2014 12:36

Dear God, don't turn it into some passive aggressive nonsense based around your DD. It's very simple - a text saying - sorry the party is for the invited children only, no parents or siblings as we haven't got the space.

PfftTheMagicDraco · 01/11/2014 12:37

Then find your back bone and say no! If you don't like it, do something about it!

I'd recommend a group text saying "Hey everyone - just realised I wasn't clear on invites, We'll have a house full so no space for extras, please pick up your children at X time"

Then it's not specific to her.

SnapeChat · 01/11/2014 12:37

This reply has been deleted

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SavoyCabbage · 01/11/2014 12:37

Just send the text that Chipping said.

You need to be clear that she isn't coming.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/11/2014 12:40

So reply to her "you appear to have misunderstood. I'm inviting children not parents and not siblings, we do not have space for accompanying family members,I look forward to seeing [name invited child] on [date/time] you can pick her up at x time when the party is finished"

And if you really must then end it with xx

Castlemilk · 01/11/2014 12:41

Hi X, about the party, sorry but I've looked at the numbers and there's no way I will have room for siblings or parents - so I'm going to have to keep this one just for the birthday friends after all. Hope you're ok just dropping and running. PP x'

WorraLiberty · 01/11/2014 12:42

She's been making "jokes" ever since, like "oh I bet you're inviting x's mum too and you'll be ignoring me to talk to her"

You missed your chance there ^^ too

You could have replied, "No, I'm not inviting any Mums because it's kids only".

unlucky83 · 01/11/2014 12:43

Text her and say you hadn't thought about parents coming along too. You were caught on the hop...but thought it would be fun to see them too. But on reflection you've realised it will be a bit of a squeeze with all the children you have invited and activities planned if the parents come along too - you would have the space - so to be fair you have decided the invite is for the children only - sorry about that.

MrsGeorgeMichael · 01/11/2014 12:43

I would just add to CASTLEMILK

".... will understand if your DD can't attend"

unlucky83 · 01/11/2014 12:44

you wouldn't have the space ...not would have!

Floggingmolly · 01/11/2014 12:46

I didn't even get a chance to say no. Yes, you did, you just didn't do it. Say it now.

thenightsky · 01/11/2014 12:49

When you answer the door, just open it a bit, enough for a seven year old to squeeze through. When she puts her foot on the threadhold, push the door shut with the words.... 'No Mummies Allowed' Then lock the door.

GoEasyPudding · 01/11/2014 12:53

You must send a text! This is what texts were invented for! It will be so easy. This person just doesn't understand the etiquette, that's all.

4 and under, parents will probably need to stay. 5 can go either way, 6 and over no parents.

You just use the word "misunderstanding", and also "not enough room"

It will be fine! You have the mumsnetters here to assist you, go on...you won't regret it.

froomeonthebroom · 01/11/2014 12:58

If you want to soften the blow a bit start your text with 'hello all' and pretend you are reminding everyone, not just her.

KatieKaye · 01/11/2014 13:02

".... will understand if your DD can't attend"

Strongly recommend you do not say this, because it normalises her behaviour. DD is 7, goes to school all day so obviously she does not need her DM at the party (it would be different if she has additional needs but OP has given no indication of that).

Short and factual is the way to go. No excuses, no apologies - just that 1 person and 1 person only is invited. You don't need to justify this by going on about space.

Misunderstanding? No, she assumed and tried to barge her way in. If a child gets an invite how can you "misunderstand" that to mean you are invited to?

anotherdayanothersquabble · 01/11/2014 13:15

I haven't read all of the replies so sorry if someone has already suggested this but text her, say, I realise you thought the party was for adults too and I really should have said so at the time but with the activities I have planned for the children, there really won't be space for extra adults and I will be fully occupied with the party. Sorry to be blunt but extra adults and children really will just get in the way. I am sure you and toddler will have a lovely one to one time on your own. I hope you understand.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 01/11/2014 13:18

Inviting herself and her toddler was very rude. By not correcting her you have gone along with it. I would text as others have suggested. Inviting herself us ruder than setting her straight. A clear breezy ' no adults or siblings drop off x and puck up y, looking forward to seeing name.'. As you haven't corrected her, I probably would add something about the apparent change in plans.

I have no patience in dealing with a woman child wanting to be entertained when I was hosting a party. If you can't uninvited her, set her to work. PA comments should be dealt with by stating the obvious. It's your dd's party and you are busy/ spending time with her.

If you don't like her, why do you care what she thinks? I don't expect to make friends with my dc's parents.

aprilanne · 01/11/2014 13:21

when i had my son,s parties in the house .i always invited or just expected .the siblings to come as well .but the parent,s no .just tell her sorry .take the toddler if he/she will join in but the mother no way

Spadequeen · 01/11/2014 13:24

Op, have you texted her yet? If not, why not?!

Spadequeen · 01/11/2014 13:26

Ad don't take the toddler either, good god, it's your child's party, she h
Gets to invite her friends, why should you be a free babysitter for their siblings too, madness!

KatieKaye · 01/11/2014 13:36

Of course you don't take the toddler! Why would you?

It's a party for a few 7 year olds who know each other. Not for a toddler your DD doesn't even know.

It would actually cause more problems because then you would give Rude Mum a reason to stay

VileStatistyx · 01/11/2014 13:37

Why couldn't you say no? You've had several opportunities to say no
"oh, I'll definitely be coming along too!"
Sorry, I think you have the wrong end of the stick, Parents aren't staying, just drop X off and collect later

and if you were shocked at first, every joke she's made since was an opportunity to clarify.

Don't be worried about being rude. It isn't rude.

People like her get away with being the way they are because people like you are too worried about being rude/not being 'nice' to pull them up on their behaviour.

It's ok to be firm, it really is. It's ok to say what you do and do not want. It isn't rude.

Yes, she's likely to get the hump, but that's her problem.

Gwenci · 01/11/2014 13:38

I totally understand why you feel awkward OP - I'm just the same wgen I'm caught on the hop like you were. If you'd been expecting her to say it you could've been ready with a 'no parents' retort but she surprised you! I'm just the same.

But everyone is totally right, this is what text messages are for! You don't like the woman anyway so no worries if she's offended. Text her now and like others have said, to explain why you don't say no in the first place, just say you've had time to think and there just isn't room. What's the worst that can happen?! She'll potentially be peeved but you don't like her anyway!!

Do it! Otherwise it'll ruin your DD's party for you. xx

LilyPotter · 01/11/2014 13:52

Look, accept it, this woman's coming. The OP is not going to get shot at this stage.
Therefore, use her! Do not stand around chatting and making pleasantries, hand her a bottle of squash and some cups and put her to work.

onerepublic · 01/11/2014 13:53

I know someone who does this.

Brings herself, her DH and her younger DC along to parties when they aren't invited.

Then brags about how helpful she is for staying and helping out and bitches about other parents who drop and run Hmm

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