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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over birthday card?

32 replies

GoTheDistance · 31/10/2014 21:08

Probably sounds really stupid but my fiancé bought me a card that says "girlfriend"...it's obviously a card from the corner shop and I got upset because I have always said that I prefer cards over presents, I keep all sentimental cards and spend ages finding and writing the perfect cards...it's not just that it has "girlfriend" rather than "fiancée", it's also the fact that it was obviously a last minute purchase with little effort put in. AIBU and ungrateful or would this bother anyone else?

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 31/10/2014 21:17

It depends really? Did he get you a nice present or has he made a fuss of you? If he has made an effort in other respects then I would say you are being a little unreasonable.

VileStatistyx · 31/10/2014 21:19

It wouldnt bother me at all to get a card that said girlfriend instead of fiancee, but everyone is different and if things like that bother you then sit down with your partner and talk about it.

ColdTeaAgain · 31/10/2014 21:20

I expect I would point it out but it wouldn't upset me. OH usually buys cards with nice picture which I'd like rather than actual birthday cards but admittedly it does make it easier for him in finding something as he doesnt have to read all the soppy messages inside Grin

Perhaps your OH should know that you are sentimental about cards though...

Snatchoo · 31/10/2014 21:21

It wouldn't bother me, but I'm not a card person. It would bother my mum and dad greatly.

YANBU to think that the person you are going to marry could have taken a bit more care finding a card that you would like.

(Unless of course he has otherwise bought you a lovely present, spoilt you rotten, but forgot the card until ten minutes before coming home from work!)

quietlysuggests · 31/10/2014 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 31/10/2014 21:22

If the card was the main 'effort' he made for your birthday, then YANBU, but if he was otherwise thoughtful about your birthday then I think you should cut him a little slack.

missbishi · 31/10/2014 21:25

I know I am generalising but blokes aren't always great at cards. What was the rest of your birthday like? Did he make the effort in other departments?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/10/2014 21:25

I think yabu too I'm afraid.
Yes, you put a lot of effort in to cards, and that's lovely, but I don't think that means others who've never thought twice about a card (ie most people?) should have to up their game because you like to.

WooWooOwl · 31/10/2014 21:29

It wouldn't bother me if he acted like he cared about the birthday in other ways.

Tbh, I find people who obsess over cards a bit annoying, it puts pressure on that just isn't needed, especially when you live with the person.

LadyLuck10 · 31/10/2014 21:30

Tbh I haven't seen many fiancé cards as there are girl/boy friend cards.
What else has he done for your birthday?

bellarations · 31/10/2014 21:35

Think yourself lucky I didn't get a card at all!

bigbluestars · 31/10/2014 21:35

It wouldn't bother me at all. Some men are just crap at cards. The last birthday card my OH bought me said inside "Happy Golden Wedding Anniversary" We are not even married. He hadn't checked the wording just grabbed a card off the shelf in the shop.

I had a good giggle.

MrsDeVere · 31/10/2014 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evelynj · 31/10/2014 21:45

You need to work on not expecting what you really want, (harder because what you want doesn't take a hug amount of time or effort). My dh is the same but you should also be honest with him & let him know to you are upset & why, but trying not to be annoyed as you realise that he has different priorities & holds other things in more importance.....

Hassled · 31/10/2014 21:48

I'm with MrsDV - I've never cared about cards and have never bought a specific one for a person/event. I'm always a bit bewildered if ILs give me a specific DIL one.

But you do care, and presumably your fiance knows you care, so I can see why you're upset. Is it part of a bigger picture of him being thoughtless, or a one-off?

lornemalvo · 31/10/2014 21:50

I don't really get the problem. You are his girlfriend. I always referred to my husband as 'my boyfriend' until we married and he became my husband. Maybe your husband feels a bit silly saying 'fiancée' or just thinks of you as his girlfriend. You are his girlfriend after all.

scarlettsmummy2 · 31/10/2014 21:54

Haven't real all the posts, but no, this wouldn't worry me at all. In fact, you sound very high maintenance and hard work!

ohmychrist · 31/10/2014 21:57

YABVU you are a girlfriend

nippysweetie82 · 31/10/2014 22:00

Count yourself lucky, in 12 years I have never had a card or present!

FelicityGubbins · 31/10/2014 22:04

Maybe he couldn't remember whether you were fiancee or fiance and decided to get girlfriend rather than fucking up by getting a wrongly spelt card...

Reenskar · 31/10/2014 22:04

YABU. You can't expect him to think like you. As long as he has been considerate in other ways I wouldn't mind. I NEVER get an appropriate card for any occasion from DH, they are invariably comically altered in some way and with a funny doodle inside. I know they are last minute finds from the nearest shop, but never bothers me.

Viviennemary · 31/10/2014 22:06

I can understand why you might be a little bit disappointed not to get a fiancee card. But honestly does it really matter that much. I'd say that it didn't.

PuppyMonkey · 31/10/2014 22:10

Prefer cards over presents.ConfusedGrin

You've clearly had some really shit presents then.

Seriously though, try and get a grip. Life is hard enough as it is without inventing trivial stuff to get upset about.

scortja · 31/10/2014 22:17

Do you think it means you have been demoted?

If so then you should talk to him

26Point2Miles · 31/10/2014 23:07

How old are you op?

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